Posted 9/11/2014 10:13 AM (GMT -6)
Yes Sarah—I was going to include that statement but forgot!
I did what I'm advising you not to do…in that I pushed through it for years and years because my focus was not on my health (also, I wasn't getting much support with doctors). And the harder I pushed, the sicker I got and the more damage I did to my body. Plus, I was having some cognitive problems and didn't realize it and/or tried to hide it, which is STRESSFUL, exacerbating an already precarious situation!
I felt the same way you're feeling—I landed an awesome job in NYC! And then I was challenged with actually doing this job (tough competition). And I never let up because, just like you, I didn't want to disappoint myself or anyone who was rooting for me or living vicariously through my new adventure. I had spent a lot of money to move to the city from the midwest—it was a big deal. And then I had to prove to the big bad folks in the city that I wasn't some hick from the midwest (although I was!! ha) and was just as competitive as the whole lot of 'em. I totally understand what you're going through.
But—if you landed this miracle job once, you'll land it again—maybe a different type, different circumstance, but it will happen again. I promise you. I bet if 10 more people post on this thread, it will be 10 more suggestions to communicate the basics of your situation to your employer and go from there. The company is investing in you as much as you are investing your precious time in your career in them. If it is a solid company, they will appreciate your candor and openness and trust in them, and will want you to be healthy and they will be eager to work something out with you. Think about the kind of manager or leader you would be in this situation, if a young, eager employee just embarking on his career was asking for a little help—you'd probably be very open to it. And, all you're really asking is for their awareness and maybe a 7-hr day instead of a 10-hr day at times… you're not asking for the moon. If they give you resistance…and I've been there before… it is NOT worth it. I have MANY MANY regrets putting some "awesome job" before my health. Honestly, I have more regrets than I have awesome "win" experiences from my career from "pushing through it"… sad to say. But once you start going down that road, it's tough to reverse the habits.
Also, you've been in treatment quite awhile, you have a good foothold in that process, don't compromise it by getting too run down and letting the lyme & co get the upper hand. That is precious time you can't get back, either.
Rooting for you!