I share your fear Reba. I haven't been dealing with it as long, but I am just as afraid. I'm going into my second month of abx and feel terrible. there were a few days in the middle of my first month where I felt okay. The closest to feeling normal that I've had since I started being sick. But the past week has been awful. Brain fog is back, headache, air hunger, fatigue, malaise, all on top of the gastric issues and abdominal pain I've been constantly dealing with. My throat has started feeling funny and sometimes I feel pain and can't tell where it's coming from. I'm hoping is just a bad herx.
I got my associates last semester and wanted to get another job so I could get my bachelor's. I had so much planned and suddenly my life is at a complete standstill. I have never been sick like this before, and I know patience is important with lyme and it gets worse before it will get better. But right now, I'm scared I won't. Or that I have something else on top of Lyme that the doctors missed or haven't thought to look for.
I know Ii'm being overly sensitive to every little thing I'm feeling. I have gastric issues and an endoscopy scheduled for the end of the month, The GI doctor scared the hell out of me, telling me she was checking for cancer. She's concerned about
my weight loss, I've lost about
30 lbs since June, and said that it's rare to have cancer at my age (29) but not impossible. I went home and immediately started crying, in front of my mother no less.
Like a lot of people, I've been told that I look fine or I'm looking better. But I feel terrible and I am so over feeling terrible. I plan on seeing another LLMD in October that will hopefully test some stuff, like adrenals.
I'm the only one in my family dealing with this, so most of the time I feel alone or frustrated because they don't understand. Especially when you're trying to eat healthier and better so as not to aggravate or inflame anything and the family comes home with ribs and cheesesteaks and nothing you can eat. I understand they are still living their lives but sometimes I feel invisible. Like a nuisance that is just taking up space in a room in the house. I barely leave the house unless it's for a doctor's or acupuncture appointment. Somewhere along the way I've developed severe anxiety about
driving around. I have a panic attack with anything further than a few minutes away. Which is the complete opposite from the person who loved to just drive around and check stuff out. I was one of those people who enjoyed getting lost sometimes.
Now I barely recognize myself. I'm scared I'm never going to see the old me again. And you are right, venting helps. I hope you turn the corner soon and start feeling better.
Post Edited (Cheetahjade) : 9/19/2014 11:50:14 AM (GMT-6)