That was the positive side, how i take a positive out of a negative.
I was also angry, angry that i may have given this to my husband through intimacy and to my son for eating after me and sweating on my bear kin when sleeping in my arms.. Angry because if i was the one that got bit, why do innocent ones have to pay the price, too?, i was angry that this is so hard to get treatment for, angry that doctors did not believe you can get lyme in this state, angry that i owed Quest over $5000 in lab tests, angry that i have spent almost $3000 on LLMD.... And the list goes on. But i realized that being angry was solving nothing, it was just making me irritated and weak, making me hate life as i now know it. I wanted to to give up, i even dared to ask God that if this was going to be my new life, to take me because i did not accept it. But i got soooo much to live for. My husband and my son, and if i gave up on life, they will suffer. So, if i gave this to them, then i have to find my "cure" because whatever strain i have, they have, if i gave it to them. So, the fight is on.
So i made it my mission to look beyond despair. I spent three months crying, barely eating....i abandoned myself and my house (mentally). Angry at everybody at my job. I no longer was the funny person that used to make everybody laugh, always dancing and with a big smile on my face. I became bitter. My son, my husband needed me back. My body was present, but not my mind and soul. I. Kept praying and i got new strength. I said to myself borrelia will control me or i will take back the control of my life. After that i obtained a fighting spirit, one that will not be defeated by these evil bacteria. It was not easy, but i HAD to. I had to come back and start laughing again...and that my friends was what allowed me to see all of the positive things in a negative situation.
Jan. or Feb. 2013- found tick R. ankle
March- pain neck, back
June- feeling tired, exhausted, stabbing pain on right occipital
Aug.-Oct.- stomach discomfort, sore neck, painful throat in am, tongue, gum hurt, pain in eyes, random headaches, swollen eyelids, left plantar discomfort-two weeks. Never had pain b4 tick
Jan. 2014- got sick. learned about
lyme. Saw my LLMD-on March 2014. Still seeing.
Post Edited (Elmesanoya) : 10/6/2014 8:46:18 AM (GMT-6)