Posted 7/12/2015 6:19 PM (GMT -6)
What's good in your life?
I know, some of you might be thinking, "good news?" What's good? How could anything be good, in this situation? You're bruised up, broken, just trying to scrape yourself off the pavement, force yourself to keep walking.
You're consumed by all the pain, the trials of the struggle.
"How will I make it?"
"Good news." Those words may seem like some far off fairytale to you, memories of a past life, before all this.
But, as bad as your life might to be, with all the troubles, there's got to be something, right? Sure, it may pale in comparison to all the gloom and gray. Heck, most days, you might not even see it. You may never see it. Some days, it's hard looking past all the ugly of this, these ailments of ours.
I know I don't catch all of my blessings, however few. Some days, it's not even a possibility.
Good news? What's that? I will be the first to tell you that it doesn't exist. Most days, I will be the first to tear down hope - mine, and even yours, if you let me.
I know I'm not the only one. I can't be.
But, still, as bad as bad can be, it can't be all bad, can it? As screwed up as my life is, a moment of the faintest clarity tells me that, honestly, it could be worse. Even if I don't make it another year, at least I made it right here. I've laughed, I've loved. I've lived. To my complete fulfillment? No, not even close. Will I be happy, if it ends on such a feeble note as this one? No. How could I? But, will I label it all a terrible dream, the worst of nightmares? Will I curse this life to the grave and beyond? I hope not, because I'd be so wrong in doing so. I was happy once. I was healthy once. Some didn't even get that. Over the past few years, I've found myself saying things like, I wish I would just die, I wish I would have gotten AIDS, or cancer - then, I would just die! Knowing me, I'll be saying those things again. Ha, maybe even tomorrow, or an hour from now.
That's just how this stuff works. We know all too well that clarity I spoke of is, for most, a rare sight to behold.
But, at least for me, those things aren't true, they never will be. Lyme or not, leaky gut or not, I'm glad I lived, and, even if I'm not exactly living anymore, I'm glad I'm still here.
I don't know what this is, or if it even makes any sense to anyone but me, but I just wanted to say it, before all the devils, the demons come rushing back to my side, and plunge me back into the depths of.. all my crap. Ha.
But, yeah, if you can, think of something that's good in your life, at this moment. If not, well, I'm sorry. I know the feeling.
Hugs all around, guys.
Oh, yeah, something good in my life. Hm, well, I ate some fish and an apple and didn't have too much of a reaction. Also, someone was nice enough to buy me some parts to make my own computer - nothing too fancy, but more than I could have asked for. The money would have been better spent on medications, yes, but, this way, I can have something to better do my researching, note taking, symptom logging, and stuff. It's a nice comfort item too.
Share something good, please, even if it's just.. that you had a nice dinner or something.
If no one's up to it, I'm fine if I just go solo on this one. I just had to make this post.