PTSD caused by Lyme **might trigger**

I have mentioned it a few times - vocally in my personal life...and also on the forum...but I think people think I'm joking...but i'm not.

Prior to diagnosis...I was really scared....with the sudden onset of symptoms...that kept piling on...


If I talk about those early days...i instantly tear up....

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Moderator, Lyme Forum
Symptoms started April/13; Buhner's protocol May 15/14 to July24/14
Igenex pos. July 3/14 Doxy: July 4-Aug.24/14;Zithro July26-Aug24/14
Amox 1000mg x3 + Probencid Aug. 29/14; added biaxin 500X2 Sept. 26/14
Disc. amox and added Ceftin Nov. 20th. Jan/15 pulsing Tindamax ; disc biaxin
Buhners bart herbs added Dec/14; ABX/Buhner herb break Apr/2015

I understand Kayaklove

I have PTSD because of cancer, it developped at the end of treatment and after I was cured.
I'm scared it'll happen again with Lyme Disease and everything that goes with it. Actually, these last weeks, I've been feeling pretty awful, wanting to quit the Belgian Lyme groups, stepping out of them and not going back there.

It got pretty bad with the cancer. It has been 20 yrs this year, and it seems that I'm starting to be able to talk about it more and more. I could give cold, clinical advice to someone who was really in need, but I couldn't use the word itself, cancer. I would say 'it', or 'that disease', or 'back THEN'. I would get short of breath in hospitals, especially the one I was treated at. I went through some serious periods of depression, periods that lasted several years each, but no one knew, because I couldn't talk about it. Smells I know from back then, like perfumes and cleaning products, the smell of bandaids, adhesives, it all makes me so nauseous, and instantly throws me back to that time. And with Lyme, you encounter all of that...
Some things have gotten better with time, I can talk easier about it. But the smells, those feelings connected to my senses are still upsetting me very much.

With the Lyme, it's starting to show too...
I'm starting to show 'avoidance'... This forum, for some strange reason, is the only exception, I don't know why. It doesn't make me feel bad.
I've been wanting to unfriend Lyme acquaintances (not the people I got friends with), wanting to step out of groups, and other forums. I get angry, or feel bad. I was getting nauseous stepping into my llmd's waiting room. I'm starting to show signs of depression too. Not the short, herx induced bouts of depression, but the longer lasting periods.
Feeling numb about it is, for me, the worst. I prefer crying... at least it doesn't bottle up when I'm crying (like now...)

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Moderator, Lyme Forum

Borrelia/Bartonella/Yersinia/Chlamydia Pn.

Started getting sick about 20yrs ago, diagnosed 3yrs ago.

Started treatment August 2012: 15 months of abx, followed by a modified Cowden Protocol since December 2013, now using the Chronic Tonic. On LDN for pain.

~The wound is the place where the Light enters you~

Journaling could be really helpful, as well as meditation. I really like Morning Pages:

http://juliacameronlive.com/basic-tools/morning-pages/

It's surprising how much we hold inside.

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"If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward." -Martin Luther King

"Be kind, be brave, be well."

Lyme Disease Forum Moderator

I know the feeling, although it is far less severe when I am having a good day .... Hopefully, when I feel consistently physically well, the experiences will have strengthened me to the point where nothing phases me ......

But just the thought of driving in the car on some miserable gloomy January day to a sterile doctor's office makes me want to throw this laptop across the room

I want to laugh at that - really - but it is true

I think keeping a sense of humor is a MUST - an absolute must

What also keeps me sane is the notion of all the fun I will have when I am fully healed, and driving my Land Cruiser across all the doctor's lawns who didn't want to stick their neck out and help me

LOL

Seriously, it can be bad sometimes ... I am constantly painting hallways and rooms in my house to change the reminders ......

I will buy a new CD ( .. yes, I still buy them ) and not listen to it because I don't want it to remind me of feeling this way - I will listen and enjoy it when I feel well .... those types of things are hard

When I got Lymes 5 years ago; going undiagnosed for 5 years; I was diagnosed with PTSD. I went to many different doctors, specialists, etc. Now I am sick and just got bit to pieces again with the bull's eye rash. Yes, PTSD, really: I cannot believe that psychiatrist and doctors don't test for the neurological aspects of this chronic illness. After being a Realtor for 30 years, I woke up one morning and couldn't think, remember what listings I had. Lymes come with brain fog--a very frightening thing for anyone. My mind was so sharp, then this fog. God bless.

Whenever I would talk about Lyme disease in the first few years after becoming sick - my throat would tighten, heart would race, stomach tighten. It was a very physical response to just talking about it. There were areas of trauma that I had because of the disease - and just thinking about those memories (nightmares, anxiety, paranoia, absolute fear) of when the disease hit me caused this response.

I did emdr on myself through the simple online videos and all this type of panic went away. Look up EMDR for PTSD. It is very effective (the most effective therapy for vets) and it is not weird or spiritual or anything. It is basically thinking about the memory while moving eyes back and forth. The movement of the eyes back and forth simulates the brain waves that make us feel calm. So it is retracing those thoughts with peaceful brain waves and it really does work. Next time the PTSD thoughts come up - there is a calmness and peace that wasn't there before.

PTSD can be an engrained pattern in the brain of highly sensitive brain waves that are triggered by memories and thoughts and retracing the waves can alleviate MUCH suffering. I no longer go into a panic when I think about those memories and I can talk about them without my throat tightening and stomach turning in knots.
I wrote this on my iPhone so please forgive any grammar/spelling errors!

I recommend wherever there is trauma/deep stress reactions to feel those things and then look at this video (it is just black dots on the screen that go back and forth).

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OlfQIRJEsYk

Best!

Post Edited (SLML) : 7/30/2015 10:09:48 AM (GMT-6)

Having Lyme is being stuck in a constant cycle of grief. Constant mourning. The only constant is change. I hold onto that thought and live vicariously through lucid memories of what health feels like. I force the belief down my own throat that things will change, all of us will be healthy again. It's exhausting.

If I let myself drown in what has been taken from me I'd be even more miserable. It's a hard, tooth and nail type of fight everyday not to hold onto disappointment. Looking on the bright side can be so bleak. The truth is too brutal to face every moment.

I have severe PTSD after this. On the real, walking into doctors offices and hospitals where I know no one understands my disease is horrifying. Knowing that if I really needed help in an emergency and had to call an ambulance or something they would have no clue how to help.... terrifying.

Meishie - you need to consider taking a preventative. I too got reinfected (what a horror that was to realize!!) last year, and as soon as I was healed, I started using a preventative. I can't keep going through this over and over again. I just can't.

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Herb only treatment for Lyme & Bart ended 12/11 - no active symptoms for 2 yrs -Herb only treatment for Babesia ended 12/12
www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=30&m=2977364
Had Lyme, Bart, Babs, RMSF, Ehrlichia, Myco, Anaplasmosis, EBV
New Lyme case 8/2014 - Healed 1/31/15
*I can usually post a link to any info that I post. Wish to see a link? Please just ask!