I can really identify with what you wrote, as I'm struggling with this now. I didn't trust myself the summer of 2014, and that's why I was 3 months into the infection before even starting treatment.
It is coming back, but I honestly don't have good people skills any more, so I don't do well around large groups any more. Funny to, since at one time I made a pretty good waitress, supporting myself and two young kids. I needed good people skills to do that.
As far as trusting doctors, well, I'm a long way off from that yet, but I'm working on it. I've found a doc that puts up with my 144 questions every visit (a slight exaggeration) and I'm trying to trust her. I've cancelled a couple of appt, because I was mad at all doctors and didn't want her to get the brunt of it. I told her that on my last appt, and she laughed and said thank you! The thing is, although she follows somewhat unorthodox methods, I'm healing, so I have no reason not to trust her.
For me, I just keep working at it, but try to realize that I can only push it so far before it's detrimental. I keep reminding myself that I can't blame myself for decisions I made when I was not well. I hold myself accountable, but with no blame attached. I still struggle with this a lot though.
The more of you are able to piece back together, the easier it gets. It takes time, but you can do it.
Oh, but I still live out in the middle of nowhere, so I can get away from everything.
Herb only treatment for Lyme & Bart ended 12/11 - no active symptoms for 2 yrs -Herb only treatment for Babesia ended 12/12www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=30&m=2977364
Had Lyme, Bart, Babs, RMSF, Ehrlichia, Myco, Anaplasmosis, EBV
New Lyme case 8/2014 - Healed 1/31/15
*I can usually post a link to any info that I post. Wish to see a link? Please just ask!