As the others have said, I too am so very sorry that you are struggling right now so much. ((((((((((Hugs))))))))))
Treatment fatigue can be so hard to deal with! I find myself deep in that most of the time lately now that I'm in round 2 with treatments. The one thing that keeps me going is how I know I'll feel if I don't stay in treatments. No need to explain that on this board.
I also have had a hard time with loving myself and I never have before, but I'm working on it. I can do the "I need to take care of myself so I don't scare my hubby" thing, but to honestly 'love myself' is not so easy for me. So I look at it differently. I don't want to be sick, so I will care for myself the way I know I need to. I don't want to scare hubby/kids and the few close friends I do have, so I will take care of myself the way I know I need to. That's love too, and when I simply can't love the body that has betrayed me for my entire life, I hang on to those things.
As PeteZa said, if you feel the need to talk to a counselor, please do! We all need someone to talk to. Of course, we are here as well, but sometimes you need to talk face to face with someone. And if you find yourself struggling too much with these feelings, please do consider temporary use of antidepressants - you just need to get through this rough patch is all- you'll make it. Lean on us, and on any other people you need to.
Hang in there. This is often one of the toughest times we go through in life. Talk with those that understand what you live with on a daily basis as much as you need. We are all here for you too.
Many more (((((((((hugs)))))))))) for you!!
Herb only treatment for Lyme & Bart ended 12/11 - no active symptoms for 2 yrs -Herb only treatment for Babesia ended 12/12www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=30&m=2977364
Had Lyme, Bart, Babs, RMSF, Ehrlichia, Myco, Anaplasmosis, EBV
New Lyme case 8/2014 - Healed 1/31/15 - unknowingly had Asymptomatic Babs and Asymptomatic Bart, being treated now though (2/2016)