Posted 7/4/2016 5:47 PM (GMT -6)
It's depressing as ****, but I kind of just live for me nowadays. I'm out for self, I say, nobody else (well, almost nobody). Friends, family, they're nice, but ain't a one been of much help to me over the past few years, save for my grandma and my (something of a) girlfriend. They're the only ones I'll ever owe a care in the world.
Grudges aren't healthy, but I've made exceptions for a few people, even if I still have love in my heart for them, and it hurts to view them in such a light. I'm all for forgiveness, but the person has to admit to wrongdoing, and strive to make amends. In this situation, these people don't know how gutted I've been by some of what they've done and said to me. I mean, I get it, Lyme's just the sort of condition that elicits that. It's hard to see, if you're not really looking, which is sad - someone you've known for years, could see you on a daily basis, not really seeing you, not really knowing you.
Doesn't make it right though. Gotten into countless arguments, plead my case over and over, before I finally realized that if someone really cared about you, there'd be trust and understanding, no question. You wouldn't have to struggle to win them over on something. You're on my side, or not. Nothing more.
So, yeah, I'm going to remember where they were at when I was on the bottom. I don't care, I'm out for health, success, happiness.. for me, not them. I hope I get it too, 'cause I wanna show them that I came from bottom, even if they don't know that was my home for years.
See it in how I walk, talk, the moves I make in this world. I'm gonna make these people feel me, if you know what I mean. My energy.
Haha.. anyway.. I don't know where I'm going with this anymore. Pardon me, y'all. Lost in some of my Lyme delirium. Not sure what's up or down tonight. Me.. obviously.. up, down, but never for long.
Anyway.. I gotta go work on some stuff I'm doing that will hopefully be a part of my contribution to this month's "life's rough, but here's some stuff" post. Wish me luck. ;)
edit: Happy 4th of July as well. I hope the day was alright for ya, even if you didn't celebrate.