:D.. this is from the summer term that just ended a week or so ago.
I've a very long, hard road ahead of me, any and every way you look at it.
I'm just doing what I have to do to survive. I'd like to focus completely on my health, but I do not feel that is an entirely wise decision. My chances of succeeding, as far as health and school, would be much greater, if I had more time to focus on getting better, I realize this. But, there's also the fact that school takes a lot of time itself.
Grandma won't be around forever, and I would not be able to support myself financially, in terms of the necessities, such as food, shelter, and the like, but also treatment, with my current level of education and/or experience. I'm praying she makes it to 100, but that's not promised. Nothing is, except death and taxes, right?
If things go my way, I'll be able to provide for myself within a couple years, but I'd really like to press on for a bachelor's degree, which is gonna take upwards of 4 - 5 years. That's a long time. Who knows how long it'd take for me to get to a point at which I'll be able to say, OKAY, I'm ready for school, I'm ready for a job requiring more responsibility, I'm ready for X, I'm ready for Y, Z, etc.?
That could be years from now. So, as much as I would like to just.. work this "easy" job, mooch off grandma, paying only for meds, and just trying to better my health, I can't. I've spent about
8 years pretty much doing nothing with my life, falling ill, wasting away, struggling to figure out just what I was ill with, and then, when I did find out, spent a few more years trying to topple it.
I've made some progress, but I've also regressed in some ways, and my future is very uncertain. I don't know if I'm going to get worse, get better, or whatever. Right now, I'd say I'm in a position to get better, but that there are a few things standing in the way, things that I haven't quite nailed down to even begin determining a plan of treatment. I'm hopeful, of course, but I just don't know.
Basically, I'm better, in some ways, worse in others, and not really sure which direction I'm gonna head in throughout the coming months or years.
Failure is a very real possibility, when it comes to Lyme/co and school, taking this route, possibly overextending myself, etc. Though, failure's also a very real possibility, sitting idly by, not looking toward the future. I need the long-term mentality, if I want to increase my chances for survival now as well as 10 years from tomorrow.
So, I'm doing what I have to.
These A's, they're nice, but it's only the beginning. Things are going to (have already) get much more difficult, and.. yeah, I'm crazy for doing this.
But, it's like I told her, I'm not smart, just stubborn, and I work twice as hard as the "normal" kids for the same grade. If I'm gonna fail, it's gonna be doing my absolute best. Nobody's gonna be able to say that I gave up.
Girlie - For sure, let's just hope I can keep it up. I'm still jealous of the lakeside property you got goin' on over there. I haven't been swimming in years. I'd wanted to go this summer, but I'm so pale and skinny, and, not that I'm terribly self-conscious or anything, I just didn't want everyone being like.. OMG, what is that? Plus, I've been busy. I at least wanted to get something of a tan from being outside, but couldn't do that either. OH WELL, next summer?
Jingels - YO, you got any of that broccoli on you? I eat the stuff like mad. I was gonna go to the farmers' market to see if they had any, but they are usually pretty expensive with the stuff around here. That's great news about
your kid as well. I did not know that about
you and your family. So glad when things get proved wrong for the better. He's gonna be a genius, man! :D
multifacetedme - I'm happy about
all the stuff, especially the student loans. I can relate. Though, I'm grateful to be able to say that I'm gonna be able to avoid the loans, at least until I transfer to a 4 year college. The government's got my back right now. Least they're good for something. Though, I saw an ad on YouTube about
how Trump wants to cut education spending, if he gets in office - not my precious PELL grants, Mr. Trump.
bluelyme - how do you play ponies..? I'm curious. Were you the pony, or was your daughter? LOL, just teasing. Lame jokes.
Denikeef - I'm glad I can do something worthwhile around here. I'll try to keep going for y'all. You keep going too, until you can throw that dang wheelchair off a cliff or something, then.. run a mile or something. Haha. Thanks for mentioning the Bilberry as well - I've had eye issues for some months, but have been focusing on everything else.
LymeMother - you took me right to that beach. Sounds wonderful. I wish we had something like that around here. Best I've been able to manage recently was a sunset over an ocean of corn. It was kind of pretty though, to be honest. Definitely know all about
that neuro lyme stuff. I think I'm affected more mentally than anything else. I wish I could think of examples, but I'm laughing at myself a lot lately. I used to get pissed, but now I just.. shake my head, and keep trying to get better. lol
Raincity - you've put in a lot of work, and the improvements are well deserved. Definitely poop on that suicide stuff. I gotta live, right? Can't go yet. Also, your website seems familiar. I think I've happened across some of your social media stuff before. It's all very well presented.
Reicheru - welcome! You're a new face, to me at least! Thanks for coming around! #teamcats btw. Most everyone in my family doesn't like them. I can't wait until I can get a little kitty of my own someday so I can have adorable little moments like those eeeeveryday.
Psilociraptor - what the heck? You're looking for new herbs to use as medicines, or what? Either way, that sounds awesome. I wanna take a class like that. lol
Anyway.. I'd like to have given everyone a more thorough response, but I have some things to do. I did read each and every response, and will continue to do so. I appreciate every contribution. I'm glad some are willing to help keep the positivity alive to.. just keep pushing.
Post Edited (NotQuiteAntonio) : 7/28/2016 2:40:45 PM (GMT-6)