Posted 8/14/2016 4:31 PM (GMT -6)
Thank you Lymie Girl, Krimpet, Happyjo, and Traveler! As you all probably know by now, I have been plagued with severe health anxiety since I was born probably. I feel like this challenge was given to me for that reason- if I can overcome a HEALTH ISSUE (which is, in my case, the actual worst thing that could happen to me), I can overcome anything.
Thank you all for supporting me even though I'm drama. This is a most terrifying time for me, and it really helps to have people who have been through the same!
Traveler, it's so funny that you mention clots! Before I had Lyme, I was positive that I had clots! All the symptoms matched for my legs- then they all matched for my chest! Little did I know, the Lyme totally disguised itself through those symptoms and my anxiety exacerbated them!
I do have ugly varicose veins on the leg I was bitten on (right side of my body seems to have all the ugly issues- all the lumps and bumps are on my right! So is the liver, lol).
Last night, I thought I lost the will to live. This morning, too. I was crying and asking my boyfriend if he wanted me to fight for my life or give up. He said always fight, even if doctors tell you not to. You fight until the death. I still was convinced I was dying.
However, I went to see my parents (in their backyard. Did not touch the house!). They made me feel so much better! My mom (who I suspect has Lyme) has swollen, hard nodes that are calcified and on a CT scan, they showed up benign. She's almost died twice, so has my dad, of medical issues and ANXIETY.
My mom also once ran a fever for 10 straight days and attributes that to a virus or something as no bacterial infection was found. She feels better today than she ever has and she's been sick since she was young! She's had all the same organs removed as Traveler!
The best part about seeing them: I was outside in FRESH AIR (maybe my boyfriend's house is a sick building? Maybe my work or my car?). And my mom made me laugh! I haven't laughed in weeks. WEEKS! I felt not a single symptom and I was so hungry! Yay!
Even though it was just two hours of my day, it really was the best time I've had in awhile. Now I'm sad that I'm by myself, but it reminds me that my mind has to be stronger than that, especially when no one is here to comfort me. :)