Posted 9/22/2016 12:09 PM (GMT -6)
Almost a year since my symptoms began. I am not really much better. I have my days of feeling okay then I'm back to feeling horrible again.
My brain cannot comprehend any more research on lyme and the way to heal. Financially all I can really afford is herbs and that is even a stretch.
The LB tonic protocol (Buhner's herbs) don't really seem to be working for me anymore. I used them for 5 months and experienced some improvements. But i have worse symptoms now, pain in my hips and low back, bottom of the feet. I can barely walk some days.
Doing one little outing a day almost sends me into bed, I sleep 8 hours it is never enough. I have a toddler to try to keep up with and part-time work. I can't do it anymore but what can I do? No one validates this illness. I want to die. I really truly do.
Thats all I have energy for, I wish I could just go into bed and never wake up. I don't have the energy to worry about a diet, or detoxing methods, or anything my head is just spinning from it all.
I feel guilty I don't post as much helping people on this board but I don't know what to say because nothing I do seems to help in the long run.
What can I do? I have to try to fight my way through each day to be here for my daughter, but my entire body is working against me and all I want to do is just leave because that is the only way the pain will stop.
I don't even see the point in taking my herbs anymore. I need help from someone in my life, but I can't get it. All I do is complain to my husband about my symptoms, I feel bad for him that this is his life now too. He doesn't know what to do. Friends - don't have many but they also don't understand. Same with family. Doctors, either expensive and long trips to see them, and I have to find a babysitter, or the regular doctors who don't know what to do.
I want so badly to be here for my Daughter, but I also wish that I could just take a shot of something that could just put me to sleep. I can't imagine another 40 years of my life in pain every day. I feel like I am in a mental, emotional, spiritual torture chamber. I have so much hatred in my heart for God, and this cruel world. I am full of hate, spite, misery and turmoil. This isn't in my head, this is the consequence of being in constant pain for almost a year with no relief.