my girlfriend has lyme

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vic666
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 10/27/2017 12:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey guys,

So my girlfriend has lyme and its really really hard on her and I can't understand what she's going through as much as I try. I try to be there for her as much as I can but I can never be enough really which recently cause us to mutually break up this past weekend.

I guess it was a good thing because she says being so low helped her find herself and realize what she should be doing and whats best for her and her healing which she couldn't figure out when I was there for her to lean on so much, which I'm so happy for her about. She says she feels like she is actually in her body now and feels more herself than she has in years which is amazing. So since this she wants to reconsider getting back together and I love her so so much so its hard because I want to be with her, but I don't want us to just go back to being in a relationship that was creating emotional turmoil for her and unhealthy.

I was just wondering if anyone has any experience with having a new found like sense of self? Or feeling like they are back to themselves like pre lyme self (mentally at least)?

And if you have any advice for me on how I can be there for her better in the future? I always listen and be caring and supportive and talk through any of her medicine and stuff she wants.

Any advice please is so appreciated

Girlie
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2014
Total Posts : 32635
   Posted 10/27/2017 1:48 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi vic666 - welcome.


Well, i have to say your girlfriend is lucky to have such a caring, concerned boyfriend. For you to reach out to us and get feedback on how to best support her is wonderful.

I am not back to feeling my prelyme self yet. Sometimes I get glimpses...but I need to make some more headway with my symptoms first.

But I can tell you that this disease changes you...and if she is feeling like her old self again..that is something to celebrate.

My advice is to never doubt how she is feeling. Some of these symptoms are hard to describe...and we just want to be believed when we say we're having a bad day.or part of day......even if we look fine....or were fine an hour ago.
Sometimes, all it takes is a hug...no words necessary.
Moderator, Lyme Forum
Symp started April/2013; Buhner's Lyme May 15-July24/14; Igenex pos. July 3/14
Doxy: July 4-Aug.24/14;Zithro July26-Aug24/14; Amox + Proben. Aug. 29/14;
added biaxin Sept. 26/14
Disc. amox,added Ceftin Nov. 20th.;
Disc. biaxin added Buhner bart herbs Dec/14;Jan/15 pulsing Tinda (w/ Ceftin);
Abx/herb break Apr-July/15; July-mino; Aug. added Rif;
Nov./15 mino - to biaxi

TxBart
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2017
Total Posts : 84
   Posted 10/27/2017 2:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Did you know her before she had Lyme? This may sound weird, but maybe you were there for her too much. I know a couple and one is dealing with health issues. Her partner is smothering her. She greatly appreciates the concern and support, but she doesn't want her every movement monitored and assessed. She wants to have as normal a relationship as possible without always feeling like the patient. I assume you've done this, but have you asked your gf what she expects from you as a support system? Also, don't get so lost her illness that you forget to take care of yourself.

As for change in self, I am a very different person than I was pre-illness. I feel it's impossible to not be changed by the experience, and also knowing that it could roar back at any moment, really makes me appreciate even the most mundane good health days. There are days I want to run up and down the street with excitement because the head pressure has subsided. On days when the floaters and visual anomalies give me a break, I walk around outside taking in every leaf, cloud, bug, etc overjoyed I can see. I have a new found deep gratitude for my friends, family and even coworkers, not to mention life in general. Chronic Lyme and cos really made me see what I was taking for granted when I was healthy.

Missouri
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2017
Total Posts : 337
   Posted 10/27/2017 3:39 PM (GMT -6)   
I have been treating for a few months now. My "pre-lyme" self slowly faded away about two years ago after the tick bite. Every now and then I catch glimpses of my old self peering through the vail. Ugg I miss going out and having a few drinks, staying up late with friends/family, enjoying comedy movies, playing video games, or just horseplaying around.

I know I am not much fun anymore.

I feel sorry for those close friends and family that have to put up with me. LOL. I look forward to seeing some of the veterans respond to this one.

BabsBunny
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2017
Total Posts : 530
   Posted 10/27/2017 3:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Lyme does bring you low, and it does teach you a lot. I feel stronger and better personally if not yet physically. But my old personality is returning, so overall I feel like a much better version of myself.

I am lucky because I got married first, and my husband has taken those vows very seriously. When I lost my personality and most of my livelihood to Lyme, I wanted him to leave me- I thought he deserved better and not to have to work so hard just to pay for my medical bills and get nothing in return but a sobbing needy mess.

We got through that and I feel like it’s a new marriage.

So if she’s willing to give it a go with you again, that’s great! Just be prepared that Lyme can flare up and she still might change her mind. I personally think it’s the best thing in the world to have someone willing to take care of you and stay by your side no matter what. It’s a great foundation for a relationship. So if she pushes you away, respect that but let her know you’ll be there when she’s worked through it.

Unless you’re not getting too serious about it and both of you aren’t thinking about your future.. I have no advice on those kinds of relationships.
Lyme, Babesia, Bartonella. Symptoms began 5/2016, didn't start treatment until 9/2016. Slow but steady recovery.

*twitch twitch*

sharo
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 53
   Posted 10/27/2017 4:13 PM (GMT -6)   
My ex partner is my rock at the moment! My health issues and his panic split us up, but i can honestly say that if he was not around, i would be in a far worse state.When everyone has disappeared, he has been there as a friend.
I feel guilty sometimes for leaning on him...he does everyday things and comes to my home 2 days a week to help me out. At the moment, he takes my lovely dogs back and forth (1 1/2 hours drive each way) because i can't walk them.
Friends is sometimes all you can give...i felt guilty when he would cry because he felt so helpless and was witnessing nothing more than the treadmill.
Every now and then he see's the old me, who was better than I am at the moment, but he has never known me 100% fit (ish).
Your girlfriend is very lucky to have you supporting her and i would just say go with the flow...everyday is different and emotions are always at their most intense when feeling rubbish. Good Luck and hugs to you both x

Pirouette
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2014
Total Posts : 6201
   Posted 10/27/2017 10:08 PM (GMT -6)   
vic666 -

What a wonderful post and how amazing you are to reach out to this community for some Q&A. With that kind of foresight and caring, you will figure this out. I wish more "significant others" utilized this forum as a resource. Being informed and supported is half the battle and loving a Lyme is a battle.

And what awesome posts from some of the members here!

And your girlfriend is lucky beyond words to have you on her team. It's impossible to describe how much this illness can rob of you. My personality changed so drastically I lost nearly all my friends and most of my family doesn't really speak to me. No one knows what loneliness is until they go through something like this alone.

She's clearly made significant progress and yes, this should be celebrated and appreciated. It is pretty difficult to understand when we say our brains and personalities were hijacked - part of this is the shock of becoming ill and dealing with so much. But the other part is a disconnect that occurs with ourselves, our emotions, our memories. It's freaky and scary and very difficult to experience much less describe.

It's really great that she's working through this and asking for a little room - she sounds smart too. Here's a good article on this strange phenomenon - some of it might apply to her. My experience was a little different but I use these articles to try to explain it to others.

What she might be describing is the dissociation and depersonalization that are in the "neurological-psychological" category of symptoms. Many of these are caused by neurotransmitter imbalances but not much is really understood about it.

Infection can change your personality - there's plenty of proof
/www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emerging-diseases/200903/infection-can-change-your-personality-theres-plenty-proof

Depersonalization and derealization from lyme disease and its coinfections - A perpetual mental state of apathy
www.tiredoflyme.com/depersonalization-and-derealization-from-lyme-disease-and-its-coinfections.html

As already suggested - give her some space and time, let her move through this process however she needs to. It might also be helpful for you to learn about Lyme as well. Lyme & coinfections can be sexually transmitted so it's important to know the symptoms. But the best support you can give her is to just understand - not just because you care about her but also because you really get it because you've learned it. And you can also be a good ambassador for Lyme truths and help others along the way.

Please let us know how things are going and post any other questions or concerns you might have - we're rooting for you.

-p
LYME FORUM MODERATOR

Chronic late-stage lyme—likely infected in '98; Clinically dx Mar'14 w/ Babs, Fry Labs+ Bart-like, CDC+ Bb. First treated 4-5 viruses, GI/immune. Herbal antimicrobials in May; IV port-started Rocephin in Nov; added vancomycin Mar'16;
DETOX: Pinella/Burbur/Parsley/Milk thistle/Burdock/Red root; Samento/Banderol/Enula; JK/Turmeric; BFM-1; antifung; many supps; cholestyramine

Michael77
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2018
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 4/16/2018 11:19 AM (GMT -6)   
vic666 said...
Hey guys,

So my girlfriend has lyme and its really really hard on her and I can't understand what she's going through as much as I try. I try to be there for her as much as I can but I can never be enough really which recently cause us to mutually break up this past weekend.

I guess it was a good thing because she says being so low helped her find herself and realize what she should be doing and whats best for her and her healing which she couldn't figure out when I was there for her to lean on so much, which I'm so happy for her about. She says she feels like she is actually in her body now and feels more herself than she has in years which is amazing. So since this she wants to reconsider getting back together and I love her so so much so its hard because I want to be with her, but I don't want us to just go back to being in a relationship that was creating emotional turmoil for her and unhealthy.

I was just wondering if anyone has any experience with having a new found like sense of self? Or feeling like they are back to themselves like pre lyme self (mentally at least)?

And if you have any advice for me on how I can be there for her better in the future? I always listen and be caring and supportive and talk through any of her medicine and stuff she wants.

Any advice please is so appreciated


How is your relationship currently?

I need some advice also. I was in a relationship with a very special women i love who has Chronic Lyme disease. She told me alot of what she was going through before we were getting really involved but not everything. i think to try and scare me from getting to close but it only made me want to be with her more. It is a long distance relationship but we have know each other for 30 years or more and we planned on moving to be together. Everything was great until about 2 weeks ago when all of sudden she stopped answering me and when she did it would be hours or more later. She did not communicate to me that she was feeling worse until after i took it the wrong way. After texting her she asked for space so she could rest up for her up coming IVIG treatment. I did not do a very good job in giving her the correct space and wanted her to know i was doing research to try and understand what she was going through and what i needed to do to be a better partner. I was being a little pushy trying to let her know this and how much i cared for her and wanted to help. In doing so i pushed her to pull away and she has cut off all communication now. I learned my lesson and know realize what i should have done after doing all my research to try and understand her position. I care for this women ALOT and wanted to help take care of her and be there for her for the long haul but i think i have lost her. She is a very special women and its hard knowing she is going through this and i can not be there with her. They say if you love someone dont give up but this is different so do i just let her go?

Girlie
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2014
Total Posts : 32635
   Posted 4/16/2018 11:54 AM (GMT -6)   
Aww Michael - I'm so sorry. You are very sweet.


vic666 hasn't been back to the forum since that day he posted.

I would definitely give her some space/time.

Maybe in a few weeks, send her a nice card - nothing too serious though....and let her know you're there for her if she'd like to talk.
Moderator, Lyme Forum
Symp started April/2013; Buhner's Lyme May 15-July24/14; Igenex pos. July 3/14
Doxy: July 4-Aug.24/14;Zithro July26-Aug24/14; Amox + Proben. Aug. 29/14;
added biaxin Sept. 26/14
Disc. amox,added Ceftin Nov. 20th.;
Disc. biaxin added Buhner bart herbs Dec/14;Jan/15 pulsing Tinda (w/ Ceftin);
Abx/herb break Apr-July/15; July-mino; Aug. added Rif;
Nov./15 mino - to biaxi

bluelyme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2015
Total Posts : 4715
   Posted 4/16/2018 12:22 PM (GMT -6)   
fight for love imo but if she isnt in it to win it than saylahvi...everybody must play the tambourine (cr reference) even if sick ...but hey if you had unprotected sex of any kind with her there a good chance it was transmitted to you!!! ...you can always ask her lyme questions in a few years when symptoms pop up .....i reunited with my estranged gf from 10 yrs before with a 5 yr break ...i wrote letters then 2nd chance

bluelyme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2015
Total Posts : 4715
   Posted 4/16/2018 6:35 PM (GMT -6)   
cant untake the red pill in this super pandemic zombification of humanity..... but did you mean it not easy to fight for love or easy to give space???? . wooo her , win her chase adore ,lavish with gift , adorn with songs like rick moranis in parenthood , create poster , play a lute gee something ! or is she not worth it? space is for astronauts and people who want to grow apart ...imo.....also did you have unprotected oral or any other sex ?

Post Edited (bluelyme) : 4/16/2018 6:38:22 PM (GMT-6)


BabsBunny
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2017
Total Posts : 530
   Posted 4/17/2018 10:55 AM (GMT -6)   
For what it’s worth, I have often (and sometimes still do) ask my husband to send me away for a few weeks or months. I hit a rough spot, and my sickness, weakness, panic attacks and crying fits are bad for me, but I feel so incredibly guilty that I’m dragging him down and causing him worry and grief. I just want to hide away, recover in my own time, and not have him waking up in the middle of the night, stressing over my pain, seeing me crying all the time. Sometimes when he’s home, I wonder where I can go to just sob uncontrollably without worrying him. I also get mood swings and don’t want to be around him when I say something hurtful. I just don’t want him to see me like this.

So that could be her side of it. Patience is the key. Hopefully IVIG will be a turnaround and she can communicate to you better what she’s feeling.
Lyme, Babesia, Bartonella. Symptoms began 5/2016, didn't start treatment until 9/2016. Slow but steady recovery.

*twitch twitch*

Michael77
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2018
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 4/17/2018 12:23 PM (GMT -6)   
BabsBunny said...
For what it’s worth, I have often (and sometimes still do) ask my husband to send me away for a few weeks or months. I hit a rough spot, and my sickness, weakness, panic attacks and crying fits are bad for me, but I feel so incredibly guilty that I’m dragging him down and causing him worry and grief. I just want to hide away, recover in my own time, and not have him waking up in the middle of the night, stressing over my pain, seeing me crying all the time. Sometimes when he’s home, I wonder where I can go to just sob uncontrollably without worrying him. I also get mood swings and don’t want to be around him when I say something hurtful. I just don’t want him to see me like this.

So that could be her side of it. Patience is the key. Hopefully IVIG will be a turnaround and she can communicate to you better what she’s feeling.


Patience is the key i am most definitely learning the hard way. That and communication which we both did not do very well. First IVIG did not go well and however hopefully will be better next time.

Your lucky to have a husband to stick with you and help you through it.

Michael77
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2018
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 5/24/2018 12:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Well i have learned alot over the last couple months. Its hard on both sides and takes alot of effort and patience from each. We both failed at that. Im not a needy person but i do need to know how someone i care about and love is doing. When that is no longer possible its best for both sides to move on. So lost a great friend and women loved but cant hold anything against her. Just have to move on and let her be.

Ive got nothing but respect for all of you and what you are going through.

Missouri
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2017
Total Posts : 337
   Posted 5/25/2018 11:04 AM (GMT -6)   
Sorry for your loss and I appreciate your kind words!
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