Feeling Completely Hopeless

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Mergirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 12/10/2017 4:29 PM (GMT -6)   
I honestly don't know how much longer I can go on like this. Really.


I'm so tired of being so confused, spaced out and disoriented all the time. I can't think. I can't remember. I don't feel like myself at all. My personality is just gone. I don't even really remember who I was before. It's been years since I've felt like myself. My old life feels like someone else's.

I've lost everything. EVERYTHING. I just don't want to continue. No, I don't think I'm ready to end it all yet. But the thoughts today and most days lately are there. I could suffer the severe pain that I did for years, but not this.

I try to lay down or meditate or whatever or even concentrate on anything, all I can hear are my ears blocked and ringing. So, so loud; it never stops. My vision isn't going as blurry as It has been a my eyes haven't been getting as irritated lately like they sting, thank god. Don't know if it's because it's a lyme or bart symptom responding to the meds and time or if it was from candida as I've been taking diflucan as well just in case I have it. But other things have come back that I haven't had in a while to take it's place like GERD. Still can't sleep much. It just goes on and on.

I'm just not me anymore. I have nothing and I feel like nothing. I'm living in a family member's house, my mother just died of Alzheimers and I'm constantly scared to death I'm getting it now at 39. My mother's services felt completely surreal. People thought I looked and sounded ok but I was completely out of it. Of all things, I was scared of this the most. Feeling like I'm losing my mind or getting dementia and here it is. I don't know what else I can do. Like I said, just feels hopeless. I don't see how I can come back from this.

I try not to keep thinking that way because I don't want it to be like a self fulfilling prophecy type of thing. But, How else am I supposed to feel with this attacking my brain? I'm terrified of this 24/7.

I'm already taking as much supps and herbs as I can take along with antibiotics but I also can't afford to keep going like this. I want to work, and support myself again. Be independent again. I'm living in an old house that isn't exactly the best environment for me to be in either and can't be sure it's not having an effect on me. Nothing I can do about it if it is. It's literally this or homelessness. I have no where else to go and no one else willing to help besides this one family member.

I can't eat normal foods anymore and get confused about what to eat all the time. I barely feel like eating anyway. Ever. Went to the store today with the family member that I'm currently staying with and she showed me some chocolate she bought. In the past, I would have attacked it. Now, I have no interest. I know I can't eat it anyway but that's besides the point. The point is, I'm just not me anymore. I don't feel any connection with myself, the world or anyone around me anymore. I'm always alone , scared, frustrated and confused.

I'm not looking for sympathy or hugs or anything like that. I just need to get this out there. I need some hope but all I do lately is look for it online and never seem to find much. I spend all my hours lately researching symptoms and if what I'm going through is standard for neuro lyme and idk. I get so envious when I leave the house when I see people driving around, going about their daily lives. Fully in control of their minds and senses, not in a deep fog , etc. The world feels like such a foreign place to me now. Needing someone to even drive me to the store because I can't drive in my current condition and it's been like that for months is also completely devastating for me.

I feel like I have no future so what am I hanging on for? I'm also pretty sure I have lyme carditis or some other lyme inflicted condition of the heart.

I just ordered a bunch more herbs for the buhner protocol I'm trying to start and getting so confused. Like how to I add one herb at a time? By the week? Drops increase by the week? Idk, I feel like I can't even help myself. I feel like an empty shell and no one around me understands or is even interested in understanding. My old friends just kind of moved on and forgot about me long ago.

I KNOW I'm probably going to regret posting this later. I wanted to recover and still have a life in front of me to live but like I said, in my case, it's utterly hopeless. I can't die by my own hands now, but I wish lately that I don't wake up. I can't deal with this. I don't even want to know what the future will bring for me because it's never good. My Mothers death and funeral being in this state was a nightmare that I need to even remind myself that it all actually happened. I feel like i'm in hell with all of this and I'm never getting out.

Guess I just needed to come on here to vent. Sorry for the negative tone to anyone reading. I'm so terrified and literally just confused and so sick of my brain not functioning right at all. My brain and heart have always been my two most major concerns based on family history and here I am with something that effects both among other things.

Anyway, I'll stop here. Thanks to anyone who read this. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do or how long I can keep going. I just don't.

astroman
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2014
Total Posts : 5099
   Posted 12/10/2017 4:46 PM (GMT -6)   
Obviously the ladies are better at these posts than I am.

What I can say: The fact that your here and doing your best means you will most likely succeed. It takes time. The holidays can be bad for sick people, since the media portrays us as happy this time of year.

If your not working take as many naps or just shut eye relaxing as you need.

This place is better than a Dr office, let the questions role.

There have been some really sick people here, all but one I know improved to some extent. Some heal 100% some to 90% and keep on truckin away at it.

You have gerd again? D-limonine from jarrow 1000mg, 60 count fixes that 90% of the time. One a night for first week then every other day till you dont need it. Its good for liver too, i still take it for that.

Posts like this are not uncommon. smile

Szabo246
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2017
Total Posts : 505
   Posted 12/10/2017 5:13 PM (GMT -6)   
You will come out of this... every phase is temporary, the highs and the lows, I know it may not feel like that at the moment and you may not be able to see the light at the end of the tunnnel but you will.

Everyone on here is so helpful and full of knowledge, ask away, get all the advice you need and have faith that you will see this through.

You really will.

Where are you based?

gabybee
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2015
Total Posts : 207
   Posted 12/10/2017 5:18 PM (GMT -6)   
This is how I feel, I was feeling amazing a few weeks ago and now I feel like I've taken 15 steps back. The only thing I know is that it is possible to feel "yourself" again, because I have felt it. But it was fleeting, only for a week at a time before something else goes wrong, or I herx, sending me back into the darkness. I try so hard but all that means right now is going through the motions.

I know that I am going to get rid of this, there's no question about it- it's just getting through it. I refuse to allow this to be my life.
22 years old, symptoms started in 2013 and was diagnosed in 2015
HHV6/EBV
Lyme
Bartonella
MTHFR
ecoli+klebsiella
Candida

Treating with multiple vitamins + Supplements, Byron white formulas, and bee venom therapy.

PeppermintTea
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2014
Total Posts : 266
   Posted 12/10/2017 5:18 PM (GMT -6)   
You are going through a lot.

I am very sorry about the loss of your mom. Not only are you mourning her death but you are also mourning your days of better health. That is a bunch for anyone to handle. Writing like you did can help. Talking helps, too. Any chance you can get in to a mental health counselor, clergy person or a grief and or lyme support group?

Also know the suicide hotline is available 7/24/365 via their number 1-800-273-8255 or via their online chat http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx

Please keep hanging in there and posting questions. Lots of folks on here are herbal experts. You don't need to figure this all out on your own. They will reply.

We are all one tribe pushing towards better health.

Big, warm hugs -


Peppermint Tea

Aurora2013
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2017
Total Posts : 92
   Posted 12/10/2017 5:21 PM (GMT -6)   
Mergirl please know that you are not only in this war...and it is a war on so many fronts. I know what it's like to feel completely hopeless as there are many times often throughout the day where my thoughts and emotions get the best of me. Like you, I have neuro Lyme as well as bartonella and have been fighting this war for 4.5 years (although my former llmd believes I have been sick for a long time) and at tines have truly lost all hope. Like you, my biggest fear is losing my mind as well as which organ will be hit next. It is an unrelenting mind xxxx that I wish upon no one....other than all the doctors and heads of insurance companies smile. I hate to say this as I usually do not wish I'll will on anyone but change happens when those in power are impacted. Given that Lynne and friends are becoming more commonplace, it's just a matter of time.

There are so many difficult things that go along with these illnesses it only stands to reason that there are moments that we break down and lose it. If we didn't we would not be normal. I have terrible neuropathy and like you, have hearing loss and tinnitus. There are times when it drives me crazy as I believe it's the antibiotics that are causing these symptoms. Problem is when I get off the antibiotics my neuropathy rages...catch 22 and drives me crazy...keeping me up at night.

I just want you to know that although you feel alone and completely miserable, you are part of this forum where there are many many people who understand where you are coming from because they are either going through it or have been through it.

These diseases take so much from us and speaking for myself, am a shell of what I used to be. But I am not giving up because I want to live long enough to see the IDSA and cdc eat their words. I am stubborn and at this point it's about all I have left but if this will keep me going then so be it. I know it's hard not to focus on the negative "what if" but there is the other positive "what if" that we must hold onto. What if the passing of the 21st century cures act leads to a cure to all this misery? What if a member from any one of the prestigious universities figures these diseases out? We do not know what tomorrow brings so please hang in there, we are all in this fight together. And keep posting....because we get it.

goshawk
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2016
Total Posts : 2302
   Posted 12/10/2017 5:30 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi, Mergirl,

There is nothing wrong with wanting a normal life away from and void of these infections.

It is what all us most likely wake up wishing for everyday.


And you have every right to fear a future with complications that could or may be caused by these infections.

It rises up in our thoughts too, even when we have made progress or are in remission.


It's Ok to be confused or feel like you can't figure out all the herbals, dosages, or supplements.

Some days it can be a struggle just to swallow one more pill, or plan out all the doses and detoxing and binders.

We all have felt these feelings, and we all understand how devastated you feel right now.

I hope while you are feeling this way, and literally thinking that you cant do it anymore and that there is no future, or no hope...you can please trust what I say ....and start this moment believing that you are important, that people do get better, even from the worst symptoms and you can have a better life someday.

Sometimes we have to start healing in all aspects of our life by the tiniest of steps.

Start within...tell your self that you are going to get better.

Look in the mirror...you are special, smile at yourself.

Do something this week that you enjoy, even if its only for a short time.

Realize that when any person is ill, that accepting help is what we have to do sometimes.

Always ask here if you have questions about anything.

Always vent if you need to.

Thinking of you and please take care, Jo

PeteZa
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2015
Total Posts : 9729
   Posted 12/10/2017 5:53 PM (GMT -6)   
I sure feel for you. I too had heart problems. That was scary for me because my dad died of a heart attack at the age of 36. So palps and flutters, high blood pressure and high pulse were scary to me. I did Motherwort and Hawthorn for mine.

I also had the brain fog. Frustrating!!! I would start to say a sentence and stop because I totally forgot what I was talking about. I knew I was losing it. I think that was all lyme inflammation on the brain.

As for the herbs - if you ask 12 people how to take them, you will get 12 different answers. I will give you the best things to avoid and you can go your own way. Do not take too much right off the bat. Take a little and see how you do. Meaning, does it make you sick or give you hives. Do not force yourself to take an herb that give you the indication of not to take it.

If you are okay on an herb, go up on that herb for a while just to see that you can handle it and then add in another herb.

Do the same thing for each herb. We generally call it low and slow. Start with a low dose and go slowly up in the dosage.

Many will tell you to do that with each herb and as you are adding in each herb you are also upping the herb that you were already on.

Many times I was told I did not take my herbs the right way. But those that tell me I did not do the right thing are not healed and I am. So I rest my case.

For me and my lyme brain. I did one herb. I got to my maximum dosage of that herb. It usually only took me a week and I was at my maximum dosage. I could "feel" when I was at my max. Then I added in the next herb. I did this with all my herbs on the Buhner protocol. But I did as Buhner suggest and did the herbs for my most horrible symptom first and then I just went down his core protocol list.

There were 2 herbs on his list that I could not take. Both of those gave me worse heart problems. But, do not be swayed on how herbs act on anyone else. We are all different.

You hang in there. This devastation is horrible and I so can remember it. But just say, day by day in every way, I am getting better and better.


As always, remember we are all here for you. Like Peppermint Tea says, we are a Tribe.

goshawk
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2016
Total Posts : 2302
   Posted 12/10/2017 5:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi , is the person you live with able to help you find a local support group in your area?

That is a another way to have some human contact with others that are dealing with this too.

Sometimes if an area doesn't have a Lyme group it may have a chronic illness group or possibly a group for dealing with loss.

Just something to think about.

Take care, Jo

sevenyearssick
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2017
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 12/10/2017 6:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Although we can't understand your exact situation, we can understand your hopelessness. I think we have all gone through that at one time or another. I am thankful that you are trying the herbs, they worked fantastic for me. When we can't think clearly it helps to reach out, as you have. When I started the herbs I only took a 1/4 teaspoon of tincture three times a day. I will admit that I didn't start them one by one. I was SO desperate for relief that I just went for it. I started three immediately. A few days later another 3. A few days later another 3. I decided which ones I felt I needed for each ailment that I was struggling with. I took lots of Epson salt baths to help with detox/hurxing. I was feeling so much better after two weeks. You WILL get through this! I will say that while extremely expensive, the Fermented Wheat Germ extract worked very well for my mental fog and confusion. It also boosted my energy.

goshawk
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2016
Total Posts : 2302
   Posted 12/10/2017 6:33 PM (GMT -6)   
While there are some people that can handle higher doses to start with herbals, some cant and they could experience an allergic reaction and/or a massive herx which is not healthy for our body.

If starting a herbal protocol, its advised to take one herbal tincture at at time and only a drop of two the first time.

See how your body responds. if all is well you then increase the dosage slowly.

I would wait a few days before adding in a new herbal in case you do have an adverse reaction. That way you can isolate the herb that caused it.

Yes it takes time but better to be safe than sorry.

Purrrsiankitty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2016
Total Posts : 1780
   Posted 12/10/2017 6:36 PM (GMT -6)   
Never regret what you say here. Calling out for help and comfort among friends who understand can be most comforting and get us through a difficult day.

It's also a reminder that we are all different, but our symptoms and many of our emotional situations are amazing similar.

Hugs of support and sympathy on the loss of your dear momma.

We WILL get through this!
Dx May 2015 Quest pos Elisa/neg WB. Doxy only. Restest Igenix lyme pos, neg CDC, 18 +, **23-25 IND, *30 +, **31+, **34 IND, **41+, **83-93++. Retest12/16 Igen 41+, 83-93+ whole blood-plasmid pos. Retest Lyme/co's. Neg co's. Suspected Bart. 7/15 start 16 mo of doxy, azith, ceftin. Finished 09/16. Cowden start 12/16 and stop April 2017 to deal with yeast & leaky gut.Restart Buhner for BBB.

emotions
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 211
   Posted 12/10/2017 6:45 PM (GMT -6)   
I too have the same feelings you do at this time. I don't have the hear issues or Gerd. I started some herbal drops for Babesia and can't tell if that is causing my high anxiety and depression this week or its just me. Been suffering with all this off and on for a long time. When I'm well, I'm really well, when I'm not, it is devastating. I too just want me life back, and be the person I once was. Hang in there we are in this together.

NotQuiteAntonio
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2015
Total Posts : 1150
   Posted 12/10/2017 8:48 PM (GMT -6)   
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, I wonder what they'd have to say. I ask, not for you, unless you're curious, but myself. Similar to the folks at the psych ward? Like that's ever helped, Antonio. They'd probably be a headache, just the same. Good faces, with well intentions, but what can they really do? I don't need someone to listen, a shoulder to cry on. I've had those. Where did it get me? Tired words for helpless ears.

What about all the people that pop in on the dark days, when the veil is shed, mask worn thin, asking if I'm doing okay, or whether I need any help. They ask, is something wrong? I tell you everything is fine, because I don't have it in me to explain the situation and combat any possible doubts you might have about it. I can barely stand to fight myself.

You wonder about those that pass us by. Here for a month, year, or a moment, before they disappear. To health and happy, or brighter fields in a time apart, souls cast from weary vessels. Which is the likeliest of the two, the escape from this in-between, so I consider it? Where will I end up?

I tell you to fight on, and from the warmest corners of my heart, but... oh, never mind. It's hard for me not to be a hypocrite, to say the least. I don't expect a life long. I used to fancy myself strong, but...

It's possible to get better, be yourself, as others have said. It's just the hole is often so deep.

Life is strange.

Mm, I wish these cysts would stop coming back, little alien growths. They're alive, I tell you.

Don't mind me. Just another one of those, you know.

Fight, fight, fight. It'd never be right to say otherwise to anyone but myself.
Do the work, be the prize.

Mergirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 12/10/2017 9:07 PM (GMT -6)   
Wow,

Thank you everyone. I've been reading some of your posts and just wanted to pop on and say thank you. I plan on responding to every one. Just too exhausted mentally and physically right now to do so, hopefully tomorrow might be a better day for that.

Just wanted to say I really appreciate the encouragement. At least I know there's still some good people out there who understand. I'm still feeling pretty low right now, but it does help to know I'm not alone at least.

Thank you again to every single one of you.

Mergirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 12/11/2017 8:31 AM (GMT -6)   
Szabo246 said...
You will come out of this... every phase is temporary, the highs and the lows, I know it may not feel like that at the moment and you may not be able to see the light at the end of the tunnnel but you will.

Everyone on here is so helpful and full of knowledge, ask away, get all the advice you need and have faith that you will see this through.

You really will.

Where are you based?



Hi Szabo,

Thanks so much. I live in Rhode Island. Lots of Lyme here but not many resources that I can find so far.

Deejavu
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 4442
   Posted 12/11/2017 9:03 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Mergirl,

I just wanted to say that I agree with Peteza about taking it slow and low with the herbs. Keep it simple so you know what is working and what is not. When I was on Jernigan's protocol I only took Borrelogen (even though a bottle contains more than 1 herb). I wanted to see how I reacted to that before adding more herbs.

Also, please take time to mourn for your Mom.. I was devastated when I lost my Dad.. I cried every day for about 3 months because we were so very close. I remember I wanted to jump in his open grave at his funeral because I just couldn't believe he was gone and I wanted to be with him, sick huh? Today I feel my Dad's presence around me (kind of hard to explain)...

When I was really sick I "lost myself"... I forgot who I was and who I used to be (my memories were faint). I was bedridden most of the time and what "forced" me to get out of bed were my 2 doggies I had at the time. They forced me to go out and buy them food (and myself food) and to let them out to do their business. My dogs saved me in so many ways.. When I got better I found myself again (a lot older but still me) and I had lost so much when I was sick. I sort of reinvented myself once I got better if that makes any sense.

I will write more later.. We are expecting a snow blizzard starting tonight and I need to go out and run lots of errands..

Hang in there okay? We care about you!!!

Hugs, Denise
12 years well ~ used Dr. Jernigan's protocol from his book about Biological Medicine (used Borrelogen, Microbojen and Neuro-Antitox).

I still detox even though healed and drink Green Vibrance. I come back to help others for others helped me when I was sick. Pay it forward! smile

http://javuviews.wordpress.com/2013/04/24/how-i-became-better-from-chronic-lyme

Kct
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 219
   Posted 12/11/2017 11:43 AM (GMT -6)   
I too am struggling with anxiety and depression from Chronic Lyme and Babesia. I have been struggling at work I'm thankful for my colleagues at work they help me out alot. The anxiety causes so many negative thoughts. The best advice I got was to stay in the moment and keep moving on to the next task, errand ect. ONE DAY AT A TIME . If you don't have a Lyme support group near you, try starting one. We can't do this alone. Try to get some mild exercise daily and sleep is really important. I started keeping a journal to keep track of everything because it can just get to be too much. Then I can review it for the MD when I see her.

This is a tough time of year too, I just went on an antidepressant to help. Alot of Lyme patients need it.

PeteZa
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2015
Total Posts : 9729
   Posted 12/11/2017 12:03 PM (GMT -6)   
You know, I am similar to Deejavu. I believe in doing one herb at a time. However, I did Beyond Balance MC-BB-1 and it is a combo of herbs. I had absolutely no problems with that huge combo.

So, as always, there are no set rules. The best we can give is recommendations of what we did or what we have read.

Mergirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 12/11/2017 3:52 PM (GMT -6)   
gabybee said...
This is how I feel, I was feeling amazing a few weeks ago and now I feel like I've taken 15 steps back. The only thing I know is that it is possible to feel "yourself" again, because I have felt it. But it was fleeting, only for a week at a time before something else goes wrong, or I herx, sending me back into the darkness. I try so hard but all that means right now is going through the motions.

I know that I am going to get rid of this, there's no question about it- it's just getting through it. I refuse to allow this to be my life.



Hi gabybee,


How long have you been treating? Do you use herbs/abx/Iv?

Mergirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 12/11/2017 4:09 PM (GMT -6)   
I realize today too how poor my long term memory is along with short term. Things that I used to know and remember, I can't anymore. Granted, it's usually something from a long time ago when I was younger. Like what kind of car my best friend at the time used to drive. I realize I can't remember and it scares me to death.

I literally feel like everythings faded. My past. I haven't had much life in the past 6 or 7 years. Most of it mainly spent in a dark room with constant migraines, head pain, etc.

I don't know everyone. So confused and scared. I don't feel any connection with myself or who I used to be. I've been treating now for over two months. When is this supposed to get better?

If my brain is just going to continue to deteriorate, I don't understand the point of going on. I can't function or get my act together. I have so much to fix from being disabled all these years and essentially homebound. How can I do that with a brain that won't work?

Should my long term memories come back with time? What do I have to do here to get better that I'm not already? I am admittedly taking a lot of supps and trying to start the herbs one at a time but honestly don't know if something is making anything worse because things are always pretty bad.

I used to get stabbing eye pains all the time and pain in my jaws, etc. For years diagnosed with trigeminal neuralgia and TMJ , etc. This was actually what made me get rid of my car two years ago because I could never drive it and it was just an extra expense I couldn't afford ( before I knew I had lyme).

When I first started abx it had been a little better but came back. Then it seemed to get better again, now it's back again today. Same thing with my stiff neck and head pain. A couple other symptoms are doing this as well. I don't understand?

It's been two months and I still don't know what is what. Herx, flare? Is my memory gone for good?

A friend from my past is trying to come back in my life right now and I'm so sick. I could use a friend but I feel like they won't understand at all. I know it's not healthy to be by myself all the time either. It's been that way for so long. But I'm not the ME this friend knew. I don't even know who I am anymore.

I'm typing this now but in minutes, I'll have to go back and look at what I typed because I'll forget that fast.

As you can probably all tell, I'm not doing much better today then I was yesterday at all. I spin my wheels here day and night searching for answers about flares and herxes and brain and heart stuff and all this but I seem to get no where. Confusion and fear are all I feel right now.



I'm struggling so much right now.

Mergirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 12/11/2017 4:11 PM (GMT -6)   
I also can't make any new memories much at all.

My family was talking about last christmas. I really don't remember much of it at all. Freaks me out so so much.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

Mergirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 12/11/2017 4:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Aurora2013 said...
Mergirl please know that you are not only in this war...and it is a war on so many fronts. I know what it's like to feel completely hopeless as there are many times often throughout the day where my thoughts and emotions get the best of me. Like you, I have neuro Lyme as well as bartonella and have been fighting this war for 4.5 years (although my former llmd believes I have been sick for a long time) and at tines have truly lost all hope. Like you, my biggest fear is losing my mind as well as which organ will be hit next. It is an unrelenting mind xxxx that I wish upon no one....other than all the doctors and heads of insurance companies smile. I hate to say this as I usually do not wish I'll will on anyone but change happens when those in power are impacted. Given that Lynne and friends are becoming more commonplace, it's just a matter of time.

There are so many difficult things that go along with these illnesses it only stands to reason that there are moments that we break down and lose it. If we didn't we would not be normal. I have terrible neuropathy and like you, have hearing loss and tinnitus. There are times when it drives me crazy as I believe it's the antibiotics that are causing these symptoms. Problem is when I get off the antibiotics my neuropathy rages...catch 22 and drives me crazy...keeping me up at night.

I just want you to know that although you feel alone and completely miserable, you are part of this forum where there are many many people who understand where you are coming from because they are either going through it or have been through it.

These diseases take so much from us and speaking for myself, am a shell of what I used to be. But I am not giving up because I want to live long enough to see the IDSA and cdc eat their words. I am stubborn and at this point it's about all I have left but if this will keep me going then so be it. I know it's hard not to focus on the negative "what if" but there is the other positive "what if" that we must hold onto. What if the passing of the 21st century cures act leads to a cure to all this misery? What if a member from any one of the prestigious universities figures these diseases out? We do not know what tomorrow brings so please hang in there, we are all in this fight together. And keep posting....because we get it.



Thanks Aurora. I also have Bart as well. My tests come up negative but my LLMD clinically diagnosed me. I don't know for sure. Sounds like I might, but then again I might have babesia as well. I have to try to remember to ask about that. Is it true Bart messes with the brain more too?

Would you mind sharing some of your symptoms of Bart?

I want to live yeah, but not if I completely lose my mind and all my memories. Who am I if I can't work, be social, take care of myself? etc.

Mergirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 12/11/2017 4:30 PM (GMT -6)   
astroman said...
Obviously the ladies are better at these posts than I am.

What I can say: The fact that your here and doing your best means you will most likely succeed. It takes time. The holidays can be bad for sick people, since the media portrays us as happy this time of year.

If your not working take as many naps or just shut eye relaxing as you need.

This place is better than a Dr office, let the questions role.

There have been some really sick people here, all but one I know improved to some extent. Some heal 100% some to 90% and keep on truckin away at it.

You have gerd again? D-limonine from jarrow 1000mg, 60 count fixes that 90% of the time. One a night for first week then every other day till you dont need it. Its good for liver too, i still take it for that.

Posts like this are not uncommon. smile



Thanks astroman,

I wish I could take naps or even relax. I try over and over and never can fall asleep. At night I have to take something and even then, I don't stay asleep. Maybe I'll try your cough syrup idea from another thread.

Everytime I try to rest or relax or sleep, my brain races and races. Only it literally feels like it's trying to race through sludge. I'll lay there and test myself to see if I remember certain things. If I can't I start freaking out and really can't relax. I'm always aware of this brain feeling. It never wants to stop no matter how many times I try to tell it to stop, relax, be quiet. Just doesn't work.

I'm seeing a sleep psychiatrist on Wednesday. I made the appt month's ago before I knew I had Lyme because I thought maybe a lot of this was due to some sleep disorder or anxiety or something. I hope to god I'm not her first Lyme patient and that she understands. I hope I can even communicate to her effectively like this.

Mergirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2017
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 12/11/2017 4:42 PM (GMT -6)   
PeppermintTea said...
You are going through a lot.

I am very sorry about the loss of your mom. Not only are you mourning her death but you are also mourning your days of better health. That is a bunch for anyone to handle. Writing like you did can help. Talking helps, too. Any chance you can get in to a mental health counselor, clergy person or a grief and or lyme support group?

Also know the suicide hotline is available 7/24/365 via their number 1-800-273-8255 or via their online chat http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx

Please keep hanging in there and posting questions. Lots of folks on here are herbal experts. You don't need to figure this all out on your own. They will reply.

We are all one tribe pushing towards better health.

Big, warm hugs -


Peppermint Tea



Thanks Peppermint,


Idk about the suicide prevention hotline. I know of it but they will just tell me not to do "it". Because they won't understand what I'm feeling or going through either. If I was just dealing with depression alone, then sure maybe. But this infection is literally effecting my brain in every way. Memory, functioning, psychologically, etc. I don't think anyone there will understand and I don't want anyone just trying to make me feel better because that's just what they do.

I tried to find a lyme support group here. I did find one who meets up only occasionally. Someone from the group offered to meet with me to talk but I couldn't do it. This was a couple weeks ago. I was so fogged out and out of it, and my eyes were so irritated and the tinnitus so loud. I could barely think at all. The thought of meeting someone in a coffee shop to talk was just too much. So I told them I was too sick and couldn't meet them yet.

As far as other groups, I don't know. I heard of one but not sure if they still meet. If they do they are kind of far from where I live. I can't drive lately or should say I shouldn't be driving in this condition. I have to use lyft or uber to get everywhere which is usually to my numerous docs appts which usually end up being a waste of time and money. So it would be kind of expensive to go there and back if they meet where I think they do.

I really appreciate your suggestions though. It's just not an easy situation at all so far. That's what makes it even more scary for me. I have little to no help here.
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