This is my second go-round with rock-bottom effects of this disease, though I've probably been sick for more than 25 years altogether. This board was a lifesaver five or so years ago, when I was dealing with my first "crash" due to these illnesses. I think I'm really just looking for some connection with people who understand, and maybe some advise re where to go with treatment.
My most intense symptoms, like the last time, are psychological/emotional. I've been waking up with a feeling of doom, which usually lifts gradually during the course of the day. For the past month or so there have been suicidal thoughts, though I'd never do that to my kids and the rest of my family. I'm just so TIRED of feeling this way, and exhausted in general.
I'm working a job and a half, and still not making enough money to get by. I have a son who is supposed to start college next year, and no idea how to pay for it. No significant other, no real support network. I have my kids (15 and 18) half time, and am responsible for half of their financial care.
After my first crash more than 5 years ago, I got back on an even keel after about
2 years of antibiotics and herbs. Then I got bitten again twice--once two years ago, and the most recent time last March. After the March bite I tested CDC positive via the standard test for Lyme. Have also tested positive for Babesia in the past, and micoplasma. High EBV virus levels, etc., etc.
After I started to slide downhill again in about
August of last year, my naturopath started me immediately on a regimen of Houttonyia, Teasel, Sweet Annie, and CSA. I've been on a Cat's Claw and Japanese Knotweed mix for the past five years straight. Also taking all of the expected vitamins and minerals, as well as high-quality probiotics. Mostly gluten and dairy free, though I do cheat some.
3 months ago, I wasn't progressing fast enough and felt I needed to be proactive in order to keep my job and keep up with the rest of my life. Went back to the LLMD who works in conjunction with the naturopath. He put me on Minocycline, Clindamycin, and Tinidazole pulsed 2 days/week. The first time I took the Tinidazole I thought I'd literally die--SOOOOOO bad anxiety and suicidal thoughts. I took a break and went back on it, but on advice of my naturopath I'm halving the Clindamycin dose on the days I take the Tindi, and for a day after (she says it takes 24 hours to clear the system).
Today is Monday. I took the Tindi on Sat. and Sun. Sat. was BAD. Sunday was pretty darned good--very little anxiety and no suicidal thoughts. Today I took the half dose of Clinda., and no Tindi., and I feel AWFUL!!! Suicidal thoughts, paranoia, anxiety--you name it! Also foggy brain, and a bit of a stiff neck.
My naturopath advised staying on the antibiotics, now that I've started them, until I no longer experience suicidal thinking. But I don't know if I can take much more of this! To top it off, I had a final interview for a job that would have paid nearly $20,000 more than I'm making now, and would have significantly eased the financial stress. Found out last Thursday that I didn't get it. Having a VERY, VERY hard time shaking the feelings of worthlessness that this brought up.
Please help! I mostly need sympathy from those who understand, and reassurance that I AM a strong person and not a complete loser. Also, I need advice re treatment. I'm thinking of doing one more weekend of the Tindi., then stopping it. I would take the other abx. until I run out in about
3 weeks, then go back to exclusively herbs, whether or not I'm still experiencing suicidal thoughts. What do you all think, fellow Lyme sufferers?
Also, my one good friend who is my major support and about
the only person I trust in this state of mind, has advised me to stop looking for a new job and focus on getting well. This last rejection surely threw me into a tailspin. At the same time, easing the financial stress would be helpful. But then again, I don't know how well I'd handle the stress of a new position in this state of mind, either. What say you--better to toe the line now until I feel better, or keep struggling to find a new position despite the extra stressors it causes?
Post Edited (notquitesoscared13) : 4/23/2018 7:12:22 AM (GMT-6)