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Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2018
Total Posts : 34
   Posted 5/9/2018 7:22 AM (GMT -6)   
Been feeling this way like I have to give up lately. I'm miserable and don't see a way out

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2018
Total Posts : 386
   Posted 5/9/2018 7:44 AM (GMT -6)   
There is always hope Livingforhope - people _do_ get over this and I believe deep in my heart that life on the other side of Lyme is full of joy and gratitude - I know even now that the smallest things or easing of symptoms make me so happy. It’s hard to hold onto that feeling/belief on darker days though because of the way lyme messes with the mind but I try to make it a mantra for myself.

If I remember correctly you’re on antibiotics right? I haven’t done ABX but there have been some recent threads discussing how bad the psychological symptoms can be. Can you talk to your LLMD about taking a break or lowering your dose? Do you have someone with you? What symptoms are bothering you the most? If you can focus on tackling one or two of those then things can look much better.

Hang in there! Warmest hugs!
Bulls eye rash August 2013
Started treating with Buhner herbs July 2017
Treating Borellia, Babesia and Bartonella as of November 2017

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2013
Total Posts : 428
   Posted 5/9/2018 7:57 AM (GMT -6)   

If you ARE on antibiotics, I strongly suggest taking an abx holiday. I was in your shoes a couple of weeks ago--ready to give up. My LLMD suggested a break from abx, and after skipping just two doses, and drinking literally about two gallons of lemon water and apple cider vinegar, I felt like a new person. Seriously--overnight the sun came out and I could cope again.

I believe it was ammonia buildup in my brain, and I needed to clear it OUT of my body.

The plan was to start abx up again, slowly, after 3-4 days. But I haven't started up again yet. I cannot return to that dark place. Just can't. So instead I'm trying the Jernigan regimen of Borrelogen and Anti Tox. So far, so good. And most importantly--NO suicidal outlook. Thanks Deejavu, by the way, for the suggestion. smile

Livingforhope--if you ARE on conventional antibiotics, I would strongly suggest taking a complete holiday from all killing agents and focusing on detox--epsom salt baths (if you can tolerate them--I can't), and lots and lots of lemon water. Maybe some ACV and activated charcoal. Hang in there--sounds like your brain might be overloaded with toxins and you need to get them out.
Probably sick for more than 20 years. Crashed in Aug. of 2013. Completing 12 months of treatment as of Aug. 2014, and feeling much better! Have taken a wide variety of antibiotics, antiparasitics and herbals for blood-diagnosed Babesia, Erlichia and Anaplasma, and suspected Bart and Lyme.

Bitten by two ticks in March of 2016, which seems to have set off a new infection.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2015
Total Posts : 1302
   Posted 5/9/2018 7:58 AM (GMT -6)   
There is always something to try.
stem cells

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2017
Total Posts : 2023
   Posted 5/9/2018 9:28 AM (GMT -6)   

I, too, have been through times when it all just suddenly overwhelmed me and I wanted to die. I would get bouts of it, and it would come on suddenly. I would feel like I just wanted to scream and run off in the woods and die.

I'm sure now, like notsoscared said, it was due to an overload of brain toxins. Those bouts passed. They came back multiple times, and passed in like manner. They got fewer and farther between.

I know others just have sadness or depression that seems to be neverending. I have not experienced that, but others have.

Can you describe what in particular has you feeling this way?

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2018
Total Posts : 34
   Posted 5/9/2018 11:43 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks everyone for your support yes I'm taking ABX I can't stop crying and my emotions are a mess also my thyroid hurts. What is this doing to me??

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2016
Total Posts : 2299
   Posted 5/9/2018 3:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Livingforhope,

Just want to say I'm thinking of you and I understand that this battle is difficult for you right now.

We understand about the moments of despair and hopelessness.

Please hold on to the knowledge that it can get better.

Is there anyone family, friend , associates or a local in -person support group that you could reach out to.

It may be of help to you.

Meanwhile, always feel free to reach out to us for support or just to talk and get it all out.

You are not alone, we are here and are fighting this battle with you and we want the best of healing for you.

Take care, Jo

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2015
Total Posts : 2922
   Posted 5/9/2018 8:05 PM (GMT -6)   
detoxing is very important my ammonia levels went off the charts recently when i pulled back on my detoxing and i felt like garbage because of the build up.

pulsing is an approach that will get you the same results (maybe better) than daily and its also more tolerable. if you aren't pulsing than you should talk to your LLMD.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2015
Total Posts : 1527
   Posted 5/10/2018 3:47 AM (GMT -6)   
lyme is not a genetic disease, so u would have to wait for 50 years for a cure... in almost all cases it's just untreated infection with a bacteria that is complicated and quite sensitive to many treatments... a cure is not that impossible to believe can be achieved soon ...

i always think there are conditions out there much more hopeless than mine, and people still linger on and cling to some hope. i have a disease that does not kill me and it may be fully treatable soon, especially with all the recent research results that shows chronic lyme is a problem. i cannot think to kill myself, it would be really really stupid. i do not want my last days on this planet to be known as "that complete idiot took his life, then a year passed and they found a cure for his condition..."

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2016
Total Posts : 1353
   Posted 5/10/2018 3:45 PM (GMT -6)   
I think a few researchers are working on animal models of antipersister drugs/herbs. I don't know the status on that. But point being lyme research is starting to hit it's exponential phase where the arguments against it are getting weaker and weaker and more scientists are starting to consider new treatments and real results will be seen. I know it feels like we're spinning our wheels but I would hate to see people give up right before we find real answers. This disease is not unbeatable. This bacteria is not invincible. Politics have just persuaded researchers it's not real and thus real treatment was never developed. That is changing. Very quickly. And one of the best parts about it is they're looking at herbal medicines heavily. Antibiotics literally growing on trees. No waiting 10 years for FDA approval. Our options will be growing rapidly

Rare Squirrel
Regular Member

Date Joined May 2018
Total Posts : 38
   Posted 5/10/2018 4:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Feeling the same and saw that the biggest cause of death from Lyme disease is actually suicide. I can understand why!

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2018
Total Posts : 60
   Posted 5/10/2018 5:29 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello LivingforHope,

Which pathogens did you test positive to?

Yes, these pathogens can be really tough on us. I'm not sure if you are a spiritual or religious person, but when times are tough I have always found prayer to be my best cure.

Have you worked with a Naturopathic Physician, as well as a Lyme Literate Medical Doctor (LLMD) with regard to your current health condition?

Naturopathic Physicians usually can help you a lot with virtually any health issue, especially with detoxing.

There is HOPE. I'll keep you in my prayers. You can get better.

I live by these words:

'When you are going through hell, keep going!'
(of course you don't want to stop while your in hell, right?)

'Also, Never, Never, Never, give up!' Winston Churchill.

The Dude Abides
Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2017
Total Posts : 1157
   Posted 5/10/2018 6:24 PM (GMT -6)   

What a great username. I don't think it's any coincidence. When one drills-down enough, most things come down to Hope. It's what drives us to do most things. That word even helped elect a U.S. President. Hope is a powerful word, concept, and feeling. With it, we can go a little further. Without it, things seem pointless.

Many times, over the past five years, I've found myself having some dark, disparaging thoughts. So, while I don't know your exact feelings, I think I can somewhat relate. Many of us can.

Unfortunately, as is often the case for tough times in life, there's rarely a way around things. We usually have to go through them. While I'm not generally a fan of pithy statements, there is one that I often find helpful:

"If you're going through hell, keep going!"

(That quote is often attributed to Sir Winston Churchill, but likely originated elsewhere.)

So, I hope you remember that quote. Use it as a reminder. Allow it to give you strength to keep going.

Also recall that the "Right" thing and the "Easy" thing are usually opposites. So, if what you're doing is taking time, effort, persistence, patience, and, I'd even add discomfort, then you're probably on track.

As cliché as some of this may sound, for me, it's been true.

While I can't do much to exercise my physical body, these days, I exercise my understanding that neither illness nor recovery happen overnight. I build strength in my mind by practicing presence and patience. And, I build-up my character by practicing surrender.

From my own experience, I can tell you that these practices, while not always easy, HAVE and DO make a difference in my life.

Despite feeling physically unwell much of the time, I've been able to cultivate and grow an awareness and appreciation for the times that things improve and do go well. It's made me more mindful of many things I (and, many of us) previously took for granted for so long.

Maybe that's the point to all of this. I don't know.

Make a list of the people and things you love and meditate on them. Nothing is too small. Think of your friends and family members that love you, too. Add them to your list. Consider the things you will do, once you're feeling better. Make some goals - nothing crazy, keep it reasonable and attainable. Consider any things you may have previously ignored or took for granted - what will you do different?

If you're going through hell, keep going!

Sending you love,

The Dude

The Dude Abides
Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2017
Total Posts : 1157
   Posted 5/10/2018 6:29 PM (GMT -6)   
Now, that is something. I see that Justin01 and I listed the same quote. Again, I don't think it's a coincidence. In fact, Wayne Dyer used to saw was use the word "coincidence" incorrectly.

"In mathematics, two angles that are said to coincide fit together perfectly. The word coincidence does not describe luck or mistakes. It describes that which fits together perfectly." --Wayne Dyer

So, take the Churchill quote to heart!

Wings of Eagles
Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2013
Total Posts : 737
   Posted 5/10/2018 7:27 PM (GMT -6)   
I am usually on the PC forum but your name intrigued me so I came here. Just wanted to advise you to take that advice from the Dude Abides, it is one of the most powerful, meaningful, and hopeful messages that I have seen on this or other forums. I will take it to heart and hopefully you will too!

Hope you are feeling better soon, just keep that faith that you will.
Personal thank you to the Dude abides
Wings aka Dan in So Cal
DX PCa-2012, age 57=GS 3+4=7 & 4+3=7 w/mets PSA=71.2 start Lupron PSA=,

1/13=2.7 2/13=0.7 3/13=0.2 6 /13=0.1
9/ 13=0.7 11/13=1.4 12/13=2.7 4/14=2.7
6/14=3.8 8/14=5.2 Zytiga:
9/14=1.4 11/14=<0.06 12/14=<0.06 1/15=<0.06 3/15=<0.06 6/15=<0.06
9/15=<0.06 12/15=<0.06 3/16=<0.06 6/16=<0.06 9/16=<0.06 12/16=<0.06
3/17=<0.06 8/17=<0.06 12/17=<0.06 4/18=<0.06

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2018
Total Posts : 34
   Posted 5/11/2018 10:06 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks all so much you guys or girls are the best. I'm trying to make it through another day. I have babesi/lyme and parasites. For some reason my thyroid is being effective so much and hurts(neck area) ive been losing my voice more. I was muscle wasting for along time and couldn't work out a doctor gave me ammino acid drip and my muscles blew up and my lymph nodes that were sticking out were not easy to be felt anymore. The reason the doctor did this because they ran a test were I wasn't producing any ammino acids. I stopped going to this doctor and started going to another one because the results made me worse. This current doctor has me on,herbs amd doing abx in the drip and detox on different days. I also have liver flukes so I'm in a lot of pain in my liver and gold bladder. I have enmorus amounts of heavy metals also. If anyone knows why my neck is blowing up id like to know why I asked my doctor and,he said thyroid but his pa said heavy metals.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2014
Total Posts : 5090
   Posted 5/11/2018 12:35 PM (GMT -6)   
Livingforhope said...
Been feeling this way like I have to give up lately. I'm miserable and don't see a way out

People here find their way out, you can too. No matter how bad off one is, there is always someone worse.

There are many supplements that can brighten your day too for less that a dollar a day. We have hundreds of depression and anxiety posts- no Rx needed for most people facing this.

Life throws the unexpected at you when your not ready. Health, job ect- everything changes in life at some point. Climbing out of an abyss is a good feeling that many achieve, the journey itself sucks though.

napoleon dynamite
Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2017
Total Posts : 55
   Posted 5/11/2018 5:02 PM (GMT -6)

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2018
Total Posts : 34
   Posted 5/11/2018 8:40 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you right now my doctor is trying to kill the lyme so its been hell you guys are great thank you serioislu
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