So back to my question.. is this a herx from bartonella? Is this normal for treating this awful bs.
Bart causes neurological and physiological changes that will predispose you to these states of mind, much like drinking a pot of coffee will cause anxiety. If you were in a car accident and were paralyzed, you'd be facing similar challenges as far as the level of disability, but the cause would be crystal clear.
Bart and Lyme, as far as they affect the mind, are completely invisible to ourselves and others. I've had the infections for decades, when my symptoms started to lift with treatment I was overwhelmed by how different my state of mind was. Unlike a physical injury, you can't see the damage these infections cause your mind, except in knowing how you used to feel.
The most important thing you can do to reverse this process is to set realistic goals for yourself and understand what is happening. You can't go to the party, so send a card or participate in another way if you like. Some days a simple task like showering might be a struggle, make the effort, and if you fail be proud that you tried. These infections will rob you of the motivation to protest your condition, you must not identify with these thoughts, know that they are being caused by bart and are not the real you. It's a lot like physical therapy, start small and don't let your recovery be sabotaged by your state of mind.