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Genuinely suicidal

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Lyme Disease
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Alexis
New Member
Joined : Apr 2018
Posts : 2
Posted 8/23/2018 9:04 AM (GMT -7)
The pain is unbearable. I am being treated with Iv/ig and antibiotics but I’m so tired of this horrible pain. I am not getting better. Don’t give me the number to a suicide hotline, couldn’t be more useless. Doesn’t matter who I talk to or what about, I’ll still be in horrible pain and want to die. I’m so tired of this. Life feels like a sick joke. What am I supposed to do in this situation. Living is torture.

I have autoimmune encephalitis and CIDP induced by bartonella, babesia, Lyme.
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sebreg
Forum Moderator
Joined : Jun 2015
Posts : 1925
Posted 8/23/2018 9:11 AM (GMT -7)
I am so so sorry to hear that. Any help from various detox methods? infrared sauna? binders?

Other ideas in case you haven't tried, just throwing them out there: LDN, cbd oil, gabapentin, cymbalta...
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Girlie
Forum Moderator
Joined : May 2014
Posts : 44344
Posted 8/23/2018 9:22 AM (GMT -7)

Alexis said...
The pain is unbearable. I am being treated with Iv/ig and antibiotics but I’m so tired of this horrible pain. I am not getting better. Don’t give me the number to a suicide hotline, couldn’t be more useless. Doesn’t matter who I talk to or what about, I’ll still be in horrible pain and want to die. I’m so tired of this. Life feels like a sick joke. What am I supposed to do in this situation. Living is torture.

I have autoimmune encephalitis and CIDP induced by bartonella, babesia, Lyme.

Alexis - I’m so sorry you’re dealing with the unbearable pain.

If it’s worse now that you’re on abx - maybe take a break for several days and let things calm down.

Has your LLMD prescribed anything to help?

Gabapentin or Lyrica are two that might help.
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Garion
Regular Member
Joined : Feb 2018
Posts : 123
Posted 8/23/2018 9:24 AM (GMT -7)
Firstly, i understand your frustrations with things like the suicide hotline. I've seen a therapist for a year now because of feeling this way and some times i scream at her when she talks about getting into the right mental state when i'm in constant pain or fearing that i'm going to die because my heart is freaking out.

I would say try to hold on while you exhaust every treatment avenue. Antibiotics are not the only way, and there is medication to help somewhat from the pain like seberg already mentioned. Don't give up.

I cling to faith, when the suffering seems overwhelming it is my only comfort. I know some people have reservations against religion, but honestly for me it has been the only thing that has helped me cope.
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Notime4lyme
Veteran Member
Joined : Dec 2017
Posts : 805
Posted 8/23/2018 9:40 AM (GMT -7)
I'm so sorry you're in so much pain. I feel like that sometimes, I've never gotten a lot of pain, but a lot of times I feel like my body is in pain, but I can't feel it, if that makes sense.

What helps me is praying and writing down what I feel. I really feel that God is there, and and he cares about what I'm feeling, and even if I have no idea why I've been spared to live such a miserable life, I think there must be a reason for all of us. I think there is a future for a person even if you're really sick. I'm sorry you're in so much pain. When I really feel bad, I really like to listen to music and it helps some.

Maybe your pain won't always be so bad. I don't know, but is it possible taking a break from antibiotics and focusing on detox and things like that, maybe might be something you could talk to your doctor about? It's just been my experience but it seemed like antibiotics exacerbated my joint pain. Also sometimes other things that I was taking that I wouldn't have though of seemed to have an effect on my mood and my pain level.
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goshawk
Veteran Member
Joined : Sep 2016
Posts : 2653
Posted 8/23/2018 11:41 AM (GMT -7)
Alexis,
I once suffered from unbearable pain, at times I wanted to cut my arms off to try and end the pain. There were people that suffered with the same illness that actually did cut off there feet and also ended their lives.

I am fortunate that I did not do those things,even though I was suffering horribly.

After over twenty years my pain went away. I had complex regional pain syndrome. Not sure why but its gone.
Life is an important gift. Our bodies are amazing and healing can happen even from the most horrific situations.

Please, I want you live and I want you to be able one day to have joy again.

Keep posting here and reach out to us. Maybe we can all figure out something that may help one step at a time.
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elvin
Regular Member
Joined : Apr 2018
Posts : 255
Posted 8/23/2018 12:02 PM (GMT -7)
I felt that way when I was at my worst. Please speak to someone or keep venting to us. I don't know much about ivig but I know abx don't help me as much as herbal/natural remedies.

I use oregano oil, olive leaf, monolaurin (the best one I've used), apple cider vinegar, cinnamon pills, etc.. If im more adventurous I use borax ( it's my "nuclear option" when nothing else works) and colloidal silver. Also niacin is one of the strongest things I've tried.

Most of these are at health food stores except maybe monolaurin. Also the feeling of hopelessness is part of the herx reaction. It took me a while to realize this I felt like I was dying for 2.5 months when I started treating. Slowly I made my way out of it and I pray that you will too soon.
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jrpsf
Veteran Member
Joined : Aug 2014
Posts : 1762
Posted 8/23/2018 1:29 PM (GMT -7)
Alexis-When I went through the worst of it I had opiates from major surgery or I don't know if I could have handled the pain. I very much understand.

My LLND just gave me a bottle of Kratom. I've read a lot of posts on Kratom on here in the past (you can do a site search by typing kratom in the google custom search box at the top of the page). Some of the posts contain a lot of really useful, helpful information. I was a bit leary to try the kratom as medical marijuana makes me feel worse. The kratom worked great. It broke a days long pain cycle. You can email me for the source I'm purchasing it from or you can choose on of the recommended options listed in the posts.
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NotQuiteAntonio
Veteran Member
Joined : Jan 2015
Posts : 1161
Posted 8/24/2018 12:04 AM (GMT -7)
Sending off what love and energy I’m able.

It’s a struggle, but you will keep on the path, and your strength will come to amaze you.

You already know, it’s your health, not you. Life is worth it.

Though, I’m in the same boat. I don’t want an antidepressant or the number to a mental health professional. I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin.

Vent what you can, but keep fighting. smile
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goshawk
Veteran Member
Joined : Sep 2016
Posts : 2653
Posted 8/24/2018 2:35 AM (GMT -7)
Hi Alexis just thinking of you and wondered how you are doing today.
If you get a chance let us know.

Take care
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goshawk
Veteran Member
Joined : Sep 2016
Posts : 2653
Posted 8/24/2018 2:39 AM (GMT -7)
I was just hoping that once they can start reducing some of the bacteria load, that with detoxing and binders you may see some relief of your symptoms.


Try to look forward towards a better day and keep telling your self that people do heal, that there is hope.
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claude783
Regular Member
Joined : Sep 2013
Posts : 208
Posted 8/24/2018 9:25 AM (GMT -7)
So sorry your having to go through this
If you happen to live in S.California, I might be able to help.

Or you can go to my previous posts and try out of the box treatments.

Hang in there, a permanet solution to what might be a temportay problem is not the answer. Just take it one day at a time and keep searching.

Sorry about the spelling, but don't have the time or energy to look up the proper spelling. Got to replace a gas line in a pick up truck. And it already pushing 100 degrees here.

God Bless Claude
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mpost
Veteran Member
Joined : Feb 2015
Posts : 1698
Posted 8/25/2018 1:36 PM (GMT -7)

Alexis said...


I have autoimmune encephalitis and CIDP induced by bartonella, babesia, Lyme.

i had all these including the horrible autoimmune encephalitis, which made me feel i've had septic meningitis every 3 weeks , nerve pain, eye issues, brain fog and terrible headaches, loss of motor function, loss of muscle, cartilage, palpitations, forgetfulness, confusion

all gone with treatment, vision returned. pls dont give up ... feel grateful you have a disease that is well.. treatable ... with a bit of patience, trial and error and a lot of persistence you will defeat it. there are people much more hopeless than we are (im thinking of terminal cancer guys just as an example).
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astroman
Veteran Member
Joined : Mar 2014
Posts : 7615
Posted 8/25/2018 5:08 PM (GMT -7)
Your computer can help getting out of a slump, to some extent. Like stupid funny stuff or nature? Best thing for "slummpy times" is a funny movie or wildlife / nature / travel videos on You tube. Just pretend your there. - And remember, you wont be like this forever.

Lyme certainly changes things. Life is about change and making lemons out of lemonade. Thats how our ancestors survived. Easier said than done, but it can be done.

Our lives are all different and consist of a different life view. Most have a view, dream, ect but sometimes it needs a little bending or re-thinking.

Lyme started to change my life plans as a young adult and finally did in midlife. I did accomplished a childhood dream, but realized I was unable to continue/ live my dream. Ive accepted it as my past and acknowledge that my interests in what to do forward with my life can change as I get older since there is not enough time or money to do everything even if I was healthy the entire time.

In my early 50's, Ive already outlived some non-lymies from my past, I do miss and will never forget them, wish they were still around. I'm still alive,... If our souls live on..they might be envious, who knows.

Post Edited (astroman) : 8/25/2018 9:37:30 PM (GMT-6)

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opugirl
Forum Moderator
Joined : Nov 2012
Posts : 3922
Posted 8/25/2018 6:29 PM (GMT -7)
Hey hun,

Can you enable your email-or click on my name and send me an email! Hugs!

~beth
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goshawk
Veteran Member
Joined : Sep 2016
Posts : 2653
Posted 8/26/2018 12:16 PM (GMT -7)
bump
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magoo2
Veteran Member
Joined : Mar 2015
Posts : 1533
Posted 8/26/2018 2:36 PM (GMT -7)
Have you tried everything?
Anti-parasite
Biological dds
PH balance
Ozone
stem cells

Post Edited (magoo2) : 8/26/2018 3:41:03 PM (GMT-6)

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