Losing my Religion? Keeping the faith with Lyme Disease

I really appreciate what you're doing.

Just last night I was wondering about what God wants me to learn through this whole experience with Lyme.

I'm not sure if I know what it is, or if I learned that "what" yet, and I might never know, but I know He is in control.

This is brilliant BabsBunny. All encouragement is a good thing. Thank you for this, I will have a look. I myself have been praying and praying for direction from God. He is definitely in control, so as much as this might be a miserable disease to deal with, I know there's an end in sight with Him.

Most people don't get it unless they've suffered chronic illness. That's how things are most of the time, sadly.

Thanks again. It's encouraging to see your blog, and a bit less isolating. God bless you. 🙂

EDIT: I just saw and am reading Doctor Chariot and Doctor Horses! That's one of my favourite verses lol. The psalms are brilliant!

Thank you for your honest take on the healthcare "industry." It's truly terrifying to think that this is the reality we are all facing. God bless you.

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-Isaiah 54:17 No weapon formed against you shall prosper
-Jeremiah 29:11 I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm
you, plans to give you hope and a future

Buhner Core
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Post Edited (UnsightlyCignet🌠) : 11/16/2019 3:48:50 AM (GMT-7)

BabsBunny,

That's an excellent reading list right there, I've made a note of it! That's an incredible story of his providence. It really is a struggle of such a nature, living with this illness. I hope to be able to read these when I'm feeling better. Indeed it's in time's like these we draw on His strength. It's definitely on the same level as those things, though other's may not see it that way.

The effect on one's psyche is horrific, I will concur. I'm glad you have managed to find something to do with it.

Thanks again. I will follow your website too! This was very good to see today.

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-Isaiah 54:17 No weapon formed against you shall prosper
-Jeremiah 29:11 I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm
you, plans to give you hope and a future

Buhner Core
UnsightlyCignet

I've only turned to God in the past few years and I still wrestle with my faith.

For many years I was an atheist and a fairly angry one at that. It was probably a combination of leading a very unfortunate life and also living in the modern world where science claims to have the answer to everything. In today's world we are conditioned to believe in "the big bang" and evolution by scientists who put forward seemingly convincing arguments. Now I am of the opinion that science has the answer to almost nothing and those convincing arguments suddenly don't sound so convincing at all.

Like many, I only turned to God when in my deepest darkest place and when all else had failed. I sometimes feel ashamed of that, but the message from the bible is one that calls us to repentance and I feel I have responded to that with His help. I genuinely believe He has responded to my cries for help and, although it sometimes feels like my life is slipping away from me, I still have hope of recovery and I have placed my faith in God to achieve that.

I don't go to church or choose to be a part of any organised religion, but I do want to develop a stronger faith. I genuinely believe that God has intervened in my life and has always been with me, but it's such a fragile belief at times.

Since asking God into my life things have improved in many ways, but Lyme is draining me. I'm praying for myself and for all of us. The life of a Lyme sufferer is a lonely one at times, but I believe He is with me and all those who ask for His help.

Hi BabsBunny,

Science doesn't know half as much as it claims to! I was previously someone who blindly accepted much of what scientists say and then I started thinking for myself and it became quite obvious to me that God clearly did create this world we live. He certainly moves in mysterious ways that's for sure, but who am I to question Him?

Your point about relying on or trusting God is a good one and it's possibly the most difficult aspect of faith. Quite apart from believing some of the seemingly impossible to believe bible stories, leaving your fate in the hands of someone you can neither see or hear is very hard. I swear He has spoken to me and some truly incredible things have happened to me since I called upon Him, but it's still so difficult to believe. I guess that's what faith is and I like the "mustard seed" quote. I need to refer to that verse if I can actually remember which gospel it is in!

I need Him and I'm not too proud or independent to admit that. I can't do this on my own. Life hasn't been kind to me and I want to live the rest of it knowing God and allowing Him to recover my health and fortunes for the sake of not just me but my family.

WalkingbyFaith said...
I like this thread. It always inspires and encourages me to hear what God is doing in other people’s lives. Personal testimonies are so powerful.

Seconded. What a lovely thing to encourage us all.

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_{Isaiah 54:17 No weapon formed against you shall prosper
Jeremiah 29:11 I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm
you, plans to give you hope and a future}

UnsightlyCignet

@WalkingByFaith
Thank you sincerely for your encouragement. I was in tears as I wrote it, felt more like it was coming through me than from me.

I moved overseas and was forced into missing all the Christmas traditions I grew up with, away from my family, so I learned firsthand just how empty it felt without them. When I returned I was different, and immediately was sick. The last few years have been a nightmare, trying in vain to recapture some Christmas spirit - as Lyme took away my abilities and even when I felt like doing things, the stress of the holiday sent me into panic attacks. Christmas night 2016 was my first Babesia attack and I thought I was going to die.

Each year I've tried to simplify more to reduce stress on my Lyme and Babesia, and my family gets more and more distant. I'm tired of being called the grinch and a party-pooper because I can't handle a mountain of junk under my tree. I'm tired of feeling guilty from everyone else's over-commercialization. And they don't even realize it. I'm tired of people spending tons of money and privilege on an Instagram-worthy Christmas but feeling justified because they bake Jesus a birthday cake. I'm tired of people being too busy to help me in my time of need, becoming even busier with appearances and consumerism.

I feel like Charlie Brown.

This year I've finally come to terms with how much STRESS - even over doing my hobbies - affects me negatively. And I am striving to say NO to anything that is not beneficial to my journey or my calling to help others in theirs.

I am doing nothing for the holidays but reflect on Advent, and whatever cooking or decorating I have time and inspiration for at any moment. I might go visit my family but i might stay home. I am NOT stressing about anything, no expectations. Just living each day with gratitude and wonder.

And it feels amazing. The Christmas Spirit that glows in my heart this year is wonderful - I feel like I HAVE recaptured the magic, and ironically it comes from accepting that I have to skip Christmas. Lyme has been such a wonderful gift to me. It's the ugliest and most horrible gift but turned my life around.

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Lyme, Babesia, Bartonella. Started abx treatment 9/2016, anywhere from 6 months to 5 years after infection. 1.5 years of antibiotics with naturopathic support. Developed MCAS and became too sensitive to pharmaceuticals. Started acupuncture 4/2018 and Chinese medicine 6/2018.
I hate what this disease took from me, but am grateful for the lessons I've learned.

*twitch twitch*

Thanks babsbunny for the Joni Eareckson Tada video. I definitely cried a lot while watching it. I too find myself only really reaching out when I feel awful. I want to have a stronger faith but I do feel so abandoned and dont know how to get over it. I always use to believed everything happens for a reason but this time around im struggling to accept that. I think it's the amount of time the lyme suffering has lasted compared to other dispares in my life. about 3 months ago I said some really not good words to God and havnt known how to go about talking to him since. I know that might sound stupid but I feel like I don't know how to repair our relationship.

BabsBunny

Right on.

Wisco woman

Isaiah 42:3 "A bruised reed He will not break And a dimly burning wick He will not extinguish; He will faithfully bring forth justice."

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_{Isaiah 54:17 No weapon formed against you shall prosper
Jeremiah 29:11 I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm
you, plans to give you hope and a future}

UnsightlyCignet

Wisco woman,

Some years ago, I had a divinely appointed friendship with a Christian coworker during a pivotal point in each of our lives. At the time we met, I had been going through a real spiritually dry season and had gone through a period of questioning everything I believed and knew to be true to the point I thought I was losing my mind until God miraculously healed my mind.

This coworker found out she had terminal cancer right after we met. She had surgery and went through chemo and continued to work. She had so much JOY in the Lord and had more faith in Him and His GOODNESS than anybody I had ever known. Just being around her caused my faith to increase daily. She constantly told me how good He is. She knew His goodness in a real and personal way.

This precious friend believed without any doubt that God was going to heal her. Because she believed, I did, too. She finally got too sick to work anymore and took a leave of absence. A couple of months later, I and a couple of others went to visit her. She was emaciated, weak, and bedridden. I laid on the bed beside her and asked if she still believed God was going to heal her. She answered, “Yes.” I still believed, too.

Not long after, I had a dream from God. In the dream, I saw my friend standing in a river. Then her body went horizontal in the water and floated to the bottom of the river. Then she raised straight up out of the water with her hands uplifted towards heaven and a big ole smile on her face. I woke up troubled. I asked God what it meant - was He healing her or was she going to die and go to heaven.

The next day, her sister called to let me know she had died in the night. On an intellectual level, it was expected, but spiritually I was shaken. I distanced myself from God after that. It wasn’t that I was angry or hated Him. It was that I didn’t understand Him, and consequently, didn’t know what to do with Him anymore.

Kind of like in the Bible, when they were carrying the ark of the covenant on a cart. The cart got jolted and Uzza put out his hand, touching the ark, to keep it from falling. God struck Uzza dead for his disobedience in touching the ark, even though he was trying to help protect the ark. The Bible said David was afraid of God that day. (I Chronicles 13:7-12)

I never walked away from Him. I just didn’t want to talk to Him and didn’t know what to say for a while. Eventually I worked through it. You’ll work through it, too. Just stay open to Him and ask Him to help you trust Him again.

If we choose to trust Him and not reject Him during the times we don’t understand Him and are frightened by His ways, we will continue to grow and be transformed by Him. Sometimes we don’t see the transformation, because it’s gradual and may not look or feel like we would expect it to, but I believe God is always at work in our lives. One day our eyes will be completely opened to all that He has done in and through and for us, and we will see clearly the things that are hidden from us now.

@ WalkingbyFaith
Thank you for your story. One of the things I've learned through this is the absolute reality of heaven - it's for real, it is our real home, and it is our real healing. We focus too much on being happy in this world and fulfilling our dreams and destiny, but we have to come to understand that this is NOT all there is. This is a burner body, so to speak. It will be thrown away and the real permanent life is yet to come.

This can either frighten you, because it implies that this life might end soon, that you might miss out on all you dreamed of - a family, a career, travel; or it can comfort you, because even if Lyme takes it all, there is NOTHING you're going to miss out on here that won't be trumped by the glory of heaven.

I like to imagine heaven as the Bible says - a new earth. I like to think that if God created artists and architecture and music and nature to his glory the first time, that it will still be there the second time, but even better. I can still visit magnificent architecture and see the French countryside and sing and dance and paint and do all of it with with GIFT of creativity and worship. So I see it as a promise - I WILL be healed and I WILL (literally! For real!) enjoy life again... but it might be in heaven, not earth.

And if my idea of heaven is wrong, then I still know that it is glorious beyond words just being in God's presence, so if I miss out on all the things here, I'm not even going to remember it. I'm not going to care!

In other words, there is nothing to regret, nothing to miss out on, for the Christian with Lyme disease.

But there is SO much to gain, when we see it as a privilege to step out of life's rat race and rest - albeit suffering - and just cling to God. Healthy people are too busy and still depend on their jobs and health and social life more than they realize. When Lyme takes everything, you are forced into the brokenness most people never experience, and it's a gift to commune so closely with God.

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Lyme, Babesia, Bartonella. Started abx treatment 9/2016, anywhere from 6 months to 5 years after infection. 1.5 years of antibiotics with naturopathic support. Developed MCAS and became too sensitive to pharmaceuticals. Started acupuncture 4/2018 and Chinese medicine 6/2018.
I hate what this disease took from me, but am grateful for the lessons I've learned.

*twitch twitch*

God is not responsible for our pain. God sustains us through it, through these hardships. I refuse to believe that God is the author of my pain and grief. 1 John 1:5 "God is light; in him there is no darkness at all."
He does not tempt anyone with evil. That's the work of the enemy...

What God does is turn these things around for our ultimate good. It takes faith, to see it that way.

God did not leave me an orphan, let me be trafficked into an abusive family where I was sexually and physically abused, witness to domestic violence, develop anxiety disorders, get sick with lyme or let me be robbed of my true identity. I went to drown myself one day and God was the last person I would have spoken to and I asked him to let me go and he didn't. I raged and cursed and blinded when he didn't let me. But here I am, and I know I have a future as he spoke to me in my dreams. Hence my signature. Florence Welch's voice told me to go back. She wrote a song for me Dreaming, that is coming out this month. I write to her now and we're friends.

Isaiah 54:15 "Behold, they shall surely gather together, but not by me: whosoever shall gather together against thee shall fall for thy sake." God is not the author of evil. He didn't send Jesus here to chastise us for things that have already been atoned for according to him! Whenever I felt guilty for doing wrong, I didn't feel condemned by God, God always let me know that it's alright, comforted me, that I'm not evil.

I go into a lot of the hermeneutics, I don't mean to sound conceited or anything. I just know that God's character is not some narcissistic tyrant that does as he pleases, that's closer to man and the evil one.

With Uzzah, there were instructions. David knew not to attack Saul, even though he was afforded many an opportunity - he knew the importance of listening to him. All of these things seem absurd but it's all over the old testament, people disobeying Him, disbelieving Him. The Israelites with the bad report in Numbers, the man who gathered sticks on the sabbath. Neither did God make pharaoh's heart hard (he did that himself.) All the work of wicked, godless people, just like the pigs at the CDC.

EDIT:

Finally, 1 Corinthians 14:33 "God is not a God of confusion, but of peace..."

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_{Isaiah 54:17 No weapon formed against you shall prosper
Jeremiah 29:11 I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm
you, plans to give you hope and a future}

UnsightlyCignet

Post Edited (UnsightlyCignet☄️) : 12/2/2019 8:36:12 AM (GMT-7)