Thanks everyone. I was in a bad place. My symptoms just got progressively worse on dsf. I lost ground instead of gaining. My mental state was not good at all, a first for me and I don't want to be back there ever again. I'm quitting cold turkey. Going to start the dapsone, cefuroxime, azithromycin, rifampin and plaquenil combo again. Then add fenbendazole at some point. I really wanted dsf to be my answer but unfortunately it was not.
For the first time I'm questioning if I will ever get better. At this point if I could just get to where I was last August, more days on feet than off, I'll be happy. I may have to take abx indefinitely. It sucks to think that way.
The twitching, involuntary biting, and jerking make me think it's still in my brain and will never leave. I just want to get good enough to have some sort of life again. I'm afraid the old me is gone forever. The guilt knowing what I'm putting my family through and the fact that I'm responsible for us losing our savings is also weighing on me. This has been very hard on them. I try to hide a lot of it from them but when I'm really bad I can't hide it. My wife is so strong and such a good person. She deserves better.
I can't believe that I'm unable to get over this. I've thrown so much at this the last four years. IV abx, non stop oral abx, herbals, cbd, and bvt. What's left? Maybe I'll try to get struck by lightning this summer or maybe hillbilly hyperthermia in a hot car lol. I don't know what else to do. It is what it is.
I just want some more decent time. There's a lot I still want to do in life. Lots of art projects floating around in in my head that I want to do. Time to spend with family. See my grandson grow up. I always pictured he and I would have a relationship like Parker Schnabel and his grandfather had from the tv series gold rush.
Maybe one of the new covid treatments that come out will help us? Something to hold on to.
Starting to think my life is over. If I'm being honest I feel like this is killing me. Trying to remain positive but it's getting harder and harder. Hey, on a good note at least I'll be able to eat normal again once it's out of my system. Which by the way how long will that be?
the long rambling post but sometimes you just have to get it out and I know many of you know where I'm coming from.
Post Edited (WV Mike) : 2/9/2021 10:52:57 PM (GMT-7)