no need for apologies for lack of responses - I know only too well what unrelenting fatigue is like.
where every task is a battle of will to start and stamina to finish.
i am so glad to be coming out of that right now - or at least being in a much better place than i was.
and dcd - update below
as you may have experienced yourself - its really hard to measure how well you are vs how you were before.
right now i am fitter and more able than half the people i see in the supermarket - but at the same time my mornings are still rough and i know i am still a good way off how i was before i became ill.
but i was perhaps unusually strong and fit for my age before i became ill - so a lot of it is relative.
in my objective measures -
-i am up to an average of 23 tasks a day now and still increasing steadily (the most positive sign)
-i am able to do weights workouts every few days again
-morning fatigue and illness is about
the best its been.
-sleep is OK - an average of around 7.3hrs a night - but has taken a dip lately - will explain more below
-walking pace is a fraction of its very best - but i know that's due to the MB which cases a noticeable drop in pace and extra fatigue for a few weeks after each step in dose ( stepped up to 75mg a day 2-3wks ago) but i do think its helping overall.
- i have taken around 5 doses of ivermectin according to the 12mg 1x per week regime - and i think it is helping - perhaps not a miracle drug - but in the sense the overall pattern above is moving in the right direction - and i think now faster than it was before - esp. in terms of the productivity. i find it hard to identify any downsides or side effects outside the normal day to day fluctuations of symptoms. so if there are any they are minor.
subjectively, i think i am something like 50% back to where i was before i became ill - possibly a bit more on the better days now.
i think if i can keep things moving in this direction for a few more months - then i will be able to do some part time work - and still continue with the regime that has helped me get this far - so hopefully continue an upward trajectory whilst starting top earl at least a little income.
However, my home situation has changed recently - and this has thrown a bit of a spanner in the works. i am in the process of separating from my partner of 7 years.
My partner has been experiencing mental health issues since becoming ill 7 years ago. Anxiety, depression, anger, rage, passing out etc etc
initially this was for short periods followed by intense guilt, regret and depression and we were still a strong team.
now, something has changed and it seems to be less extreme - in that the anger and rages are more controlled - but now it has become a permanent state.
this would indeed be challenging, but what has made it untenable is , in whatever process or trauma she is going through, I have somehow become responsible for everything that is wrong in her life and hence the enemy.
my guess is the only other option would be to accept that there is something wrong inside her and i think that is unacceptable.
Because i am now the enemy - responsible for ruining her life - this once empathic and considerate person seems to feel its OK to treat me without any regard or compassion for my own situation in the separation
needless to say - this process has been intensely frustrating and painful - despite my best efforts to stay calm and objective - it has been causing me considerable stress and disturbed sleep.
as a result the last 2 weeks have been a bit less good in health outcomes than they would otherwise have been - they always drop a bit if my sleep is disturbed.
wishing you both continued improvement
Post Edited (Garzie) : 6/12/2021 4:56:46 AM (GMT-6)