now I just don't know what to do...
I got the job... and I start on Thursday.
... I'm am stressing which is making my migraines worse, which is causing me to get anxious about
I am thinking about
all the things I didn't think about
when I applied (I was just happy that someone finally wanted to hire me!).
... I believe my migraines will be part of my downfall at this new job... I don't want to lose it because I can't get anything else, but I don't want it because of how much it will interfere with EVERYTHING! It's looking more and more like that other job is going to get stolen away from me... and my wife could possibly lose hers because my new one takes place at the same time as hers (so she will have the kids at her job, childcare is not an option)... so what I will be earning at my new job will be almost exactly what we were earning at the current jobs... so if they are gone we will be in the exact same financial situation we are in now... except I'll be gone for 12 hour shifts (three 12 hour shifts and one 7 hour of manual labor with migraines?!?!). and my days off won't be together...
I also have serious problems getting up and active early in the mornings regardless of when I go to bed... which I'm trying to work on... but I start the day after tomorrow!
We have a child that has partial complex seizures (luckily the meds have kept them under control for a while) and it will be hard for my wife to keep an eye on her while she is working... I just don't know... there is all that and more on my mind... I haven't been able to find any work and we are just stuck in this rut...
I don't want to live in this house... I don't want to stay on public assistance... I want to be able to do everything that everyone else can... so I'm not thought of as this lazy waste... that can't do what everyone else can...
"everyone has to deal with stuff... and they can hold a job"
ARRrrgh, I'm so tired of hearing crap like that... --stuff-- is not constant migraines... stuff isn't... everything thats lead up to this point.
I just wish everyone... or at least the people I care about
and work (or have worked) for could know what I am actually going through... so these assumptions that I don't WANT to work/participate in social events would go away... and I wish my family didn't have to suffer because of ME!
... I guess I'm just depressed/stressed/anxious/sick.... great way to start a new job! *sigh*
ETA: does anyone here do anything from home (real, obviously)? or know of 'accommodating' jobs of any sort? anything?
... I just feel I've just lost the end of my rope... and now I'm stuck in this spot... forever.
Post Edited (Defrostmode) : 4/1/2008 1:18:52 PM (GMT-6)