Depression/Suicidal thoughts from constand head pain/migrane

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New Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 11/10/2010 12:50 AM (GMT -6)   
        I have had constant head pain or a migrane for 4 years now. I wouldn't call it a migrane, who has  a migrane for 4 years? I have tried everything for releif. You name it, I've tried it. Over the past few weeks dealing with this for 4 years, it feels like the pain has completely worn me down and I feel severly depressed. I have suicidal thoughts which scares me. But I know I only think about that because its just the thought of not being alive and in pain anymore. I would never hurt myself. I am so determined to live pain free. I would never let the pain win. I won't give in.  I am not on any medication because nothing works. I don't know what to do. I am 24 years old. I don't go out becuase all of the pain, I've lost all my friends because I am not sociable anymore. I can still work a jon at home and am very successful, which keeps my mind off it but thats it.  I feel too proud and embarassed to admit I am depressed and go for counseling. It doesn't make me feel normal to do that.
        I guess my question would be how do you folks deal with the pain? What is the best clinic or doctor to go to in the country for head pain? I would give anything to be able to go outdoors and enjoy myself, go to a ball game, a movie, take a girl on date . Just to do normal things.

Post Edited (Highflyer) : 11/9/2010 10:53:19 PM (GMT-7)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 744
   Posted 11/10/2010 8:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Maybe a stupid question, but have you been to a pain specialty clinic?

New Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 11/11/2010 12:17 AM (GMT -6)   
Squirm said...
Maybe a stupid question, but have you been to a pain specialty clinic?
                  No its not a stupid question. I had a consultation only. I don't remember alot but I think the doctor discussed demeol? My thoughts are that it would not solve the problem. I don't like the idea of taking such powerful medications everyday. Putting my liver, body ect through that. Its something to think about though. I have found that mostly all head doc's don't want to use narcotics. I am young and don't want to have to deal with addiction.

New Member

Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 11/19/2010 12:32 AM (GMT -6)   
I've had very severe migraines and headaches for over 2 and a half years. I've been to 7 neurologists (including the Jefferson Headache Clinic in Philly where they almost killed me. I'm only 23, but my life is at a standstill too. I'm considered disabled and had to withdraw from college. I've been on over 50 preventative and all of the abortive medicines doctors can think of - the last being marinol. Its obvious that I have two different headaches - migraines and then this strange one that I've had for more than a year straight. I doubt you only have migraines - that tends to be the easy label for headache specialists. Before I had to withdraw, I was studying law and was beginning to study medicine and I've been searching in vain to find the solution.

Pain specialty clinics aren't a great answer, from the ones that I've contacted, they really don't believe that they can help headaches, but some try nerve blocks - which really hurt, but it could work. This coming Monday, I will be getting Botox injections for the first time and it seems promising enough for the FDA to like it. There are still a lot of options out there - sometimes your own research can uncover something really rare, but if you can recognize it better than your doctor and then discuss it.

I've been on a large amount of pain killers to try to get through life, and I don't like it either - but when things get out of control, I have no chose. And even then I don't want to live. It hurts to live and death seems like a reasonable solution. I can't give many words of wisdom on that part. The only reason I'm still alive is because I'm desperate to find to solution to my headaches and that I still want to do so more in life. But its hard, but we have to think about those around us. I don't get out much either and I miss contact with friends. I wish I could help, but you just have to live it out as long as possible - that's what I'm trying to do. I'm only giving myself another year or two living in this situation.

New Member

Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 11/19/2010 2:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Highflyer
  Welcome to Healing Well..........
Nothing I may say will probably help you, only know that I feel your misery struggling with migraines.
I have had this struggle since i was in my early teens and am now 45yrs old.
It isn't easy but like you yourself have said you can't quit on life and give up.
Even after trying all of your known options-keep searching-keep fighting.
What comes next is the tough part.............
Some migraine pain respond to treatment and others do not, so please keep looking.
If anything has helped me even a little is - acceptance -
Realizing that this pain is a part of my life but not my whole life and I have to try and live around it.
Easier said than done..........
Ihad many work mates that either understood or didn't and made my life miserable.
Some even had migraines and couldn't understand why I couldn't find help for mine when they could.
This brings you down about as low as you can go- losing your friends and career.
But you do it for yourself- keep going -
You know your body and try to bring happiness into your life whenever possible.
You know what works for you and what doesn't, even if that means your only option is pain control.
Pain control is the hardest issue when it comes to treating migraines. As was mentioned in other posts, many Doctors are unwilling to offer sufficcient pain control because of tolerance and dependancy issues but they have to be willing to try or direct you in the right direction to find something that is workable for you.
I hope you try another pain clinic or Doctor who can offer new ideas.
People have a hard time understanding what kind of pain migraineurs suffer with.........
It is so much more than pain- it shuts you down totally.
But the time when it lets up you have to try and enjoy those moments(as hard as  it may be).
Yes you have to make adjustments- slow down- do things differently - and accept your limitations.
It takes  a long time to accept and live with any illness or disablility and you have already taken that first important step - by not giving in.
I hope you find some peace and help- just know that you are not alone.

New Member

Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 12/20/2010 11:31 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Highflyer,

I saw your post and had to respond. I am working through some of the same things you are at the moment. I'm in my early 30's. I have a wife who loves me and a couple of wonderful kids and a great extended family. I have a good job too (for now). But the freaking pain over the years... its has been getting to me. I feel like I have lost all of my friends because of my pain and migraine symptoms. It makes me a different person. I used to be a fun likable guy... now I feel like I am trapped inside myself all the time.

But things are starting to look up. I recently started to take Tramadol for managing my daily pain (it is non narcotic). Also my doctor is trying me on tricyclic antidepressants and an anti-convulsant called Topiramate to help as a preventative measure. I don't like taking medicine but I dislike pain more.

If you are near Nashville Tennessee, Vanderbilt University Medical Center has some good Neuro docs.

It is a hard road... hang in there.

Best wishes.
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