Letting it out

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Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 92
   Posted 9/5/2011 1:33 AM (GMT -6)   
This may not make any sense to anyone out there but just need to put these thoughts down on "paper".................I have had these migraines for 30 years and they have been daily for almost the last 3 years. One of my symptoms is a slow fading out to unconsciousness - I know in my head this happens because my husband or whoever is with me when this happens tells me that I am unresponsive and I know that I have lost time but it is still hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that I am not "there" for 5 minutes, or 30 minutes or however long my brain shuts itself down for.

Tonight when the migraine symptoms started I was alone and laid down on the couch and closed my eyes and focused on the sound of the television............I opened my eyes about 30 or 40 minutes later thinking that I had just been listening to the TV.......but a little while ago I noticed that I had missed a text from a friend. The realization that I had not heard the text has sent me in a panic. I know this sounds odd but, for me, tonight, this is undeniable proof that what I have been told all along is so very true - that every day I lose unconsciousness - that I am not here..........that I have no control..................

In my head I have known for a long time that I fade completely out.........but tonight.......not hearing that text is freaking me out and I am scared that I am losing my ability to cope with this disease and my ability to get up every morning and try to have a normal life. L

Violet Rose
Regular Member

Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 48
   Posted 9/5/2011 3:54 AM (GMT -6)   
you are not alone in this.  I don't have the symptoms of 'losing time' but I do experience the same feelings of panic at times that I'm not always coping with this disease.  I've just come out of a 10 day migraine which began with the onset of my period.. the first 4 days I treated with Zomig then realised that this wasn't aborting the headache this time only supressing it for a while so I ended up riding this one out and haven't felt normal until today.  I get so sick of the pain, the dizziness the pressure feeling in my head that comes along with it.  Living a 'normal' life becomes increasingly difficult when all you want to do is lie in bed with the pillow over your face to shut out sound and light!  I get so that it hurts even to talk to my partner  cry
I get tired of my migraines ruling my life.  I dread any social events because I can never guarantee I will be well on that particular day, and even if I wake up well I can easily become very ill in a matter of minutes.  I have NO aura with my migraines, no warning sign at all, I can literally be perfectly fine one minute and in 10 mins time need to lie down in a dark room.
Then I go through the 'why me????' that I'm sure we all ask ourselves lol.  What have I done to deserve this?!! I also get angry at the illness because it is unseen.  Its hard to get any understanding from non migraine sufferers because on the outside we look totally fine!! I can't work for example because I'm so totally unreliable but my doctor wasn't very encouraging about me claiming for disabilty benefit for migraine saying its almost impossible to get it because I don't actually need someone else to care for me while I'm ill!! it seems so completely unfair
it helps though to come here and read that other people know exactly how I feel, and I'm not alone.  It also helps to rant a bit like we are now :-)   getting it on paper like you say is theraputic

Susan R
Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2010
Total Posts : 511
   Posted 9/5/2011 2:10 PM (GMT -6)   
OMG! As you stated 30 years of migraine, I actually for the very first time thought about how long I have had migraines. I started at 9 years old and am now 41, 32 years of these darn headaches!

My question to you, when you "lose" time, are you active, or are you always stationary? Once you figure that out, I think your best bet is to make a plan for when you notice you are getting a headache. I.E. make sure you are sitting, try to have someone with you, or send a txt to someone so they are aware and can check on you. I don't really have any idea of why you would be losing time, other than this is probably just the way your brain and body deals with the attack going on in your veins/brain. Not sure you can do anything to stop it (I am not a DR so don't really know what is available) but would think you have control over how you deal with it, make the best plan you can make to remain safe.
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