you are not alone in this. I don't have the symptoms of 'losing time' but I do experience the same feelings of panic at times that I'm not always coping with this disease. I've just come out of a 10 day migraine which began with the onset of my period.. the first 4 days I treated with Zomig then realised that this wasn't aborting the headache this time only supressing it for a while so I ended up riding this one out and haven't felt normal until today. I get so sick of the pain, the dizziness the pressure feeling in my head that comes along with it. Living a 'normal' life becomes increasingly difficult when all you want to do is lie in bed with the pillow over your face to shut out sound and light! I get so that it hurts even to talk to my partner
I get tired of my migraines ruling my life. I dread any social events because I can never guarantee I will be well on that particular day, and even if I wake up well I can easily become very ill in a matter of minutes. I have NO aura with my migraines, no warning sign at all, I can literally be perfectly fine one minute and in 10 mins time need to lie down in a dark room.
Then I go through the 'why me????' that I'm sure we all ask ourselves lol. What have I done to deserve this?!! I also get angry at the illness because it is unseen. Its hard to get any understanding from non migraine sufferers because on the outside we look totally fine!! I can't work for example because I'm so totally unreliable but my doctor wasn't very encouraging about me claiming for disabilty benefit for migraine saying its almost impossible to get it because I don't actually need someone else to care for me while I'm ill!! it seems so completely unfair
it helps though to come here and read that other people know exactly how I feel, and I'm not alone. It also helps to rant a bit like we are now
getting it on paper like you say is theraputic