Hi there, im sooooooooo sorry i didnt get back to you :-( i dont get emails when i write on a post and someone replys etc, silly site lol. So i only relised today, when i was having a look through some old posts.
You say you feel guilty for being unwell the whole of ur kids lifes. I am on the other end of this, my mum is incredibily ill, and has been the whole of my life, im now 26. and i can honestly say your kids will never ever ever be annoyed about
you being unwell through their lifes. In my case, its made me a better, more understanding person, i feel its made me more caring and much more sympathetic towards illness'.
My mum too tells me how guilty she feels for not being able to do things with me and my brother. But over the years and me growing up, i am so close to my mum, i try and keep her going as my mums family have no idea what she goes through everyday in severe chronic pain, her family are like urs, they dont want to know, ive evan emailed them trying to explain, but nothing, they are too wrapped up in there own lifes. Not evan my dad supports her.
She too has suffered with depression my whole life. For me Its not the things you cant do eg. going to the park, going for a drive, going on holiday, its the presious time you have with them, just lieing in bed together, she'd plait my hair, you reading them a book. When my mum was on good days, we'd spend time making crafty things with me, and i loved it. I promise they will never feel any resentment towards you.
If they are like me they will look at you and think how amazing you are to have dealt with this pain for so long, what a lovely, supportive mum you are, and how they will know if were well you would do everything with them.
Please dont feel guilty. Take care. Big Hugs