I know how you feel. I'm quite happy to stop taking pain killers but I need something when the pain hits, especially when it hits everyday.
My rebound headache started about 2:00 pm yesterday and I'm ready to rip my hair out. I woke up this morning and my eyes are even hurting. The dull throbbing is enought to drive me insane.
The jury is still out on the Botox. The first time I think it worked, the second time it didn't and I think it might be working already, though the doctor would probably tell that's not true. I have been suffering from bad headaches for the past month. As soon as the initial pain from the Botox was gone the underlying headache I had been suffering from was gone. It was gone until the rebound started. Even though I have a rebound I don't have a migraine. The relief is nice.
My insurance from my last job did not cover Botox but my husband's insurance did. I have since changed jobs and now have the same insurance company as my husband. As his company only covers 80% of the cost I'm hoping my coverage will cover the rest.
My visit to the neurologist prompted me to write a letter to our Local and Federal Health Ministers. My neurologist is now charging a $100 fee for the Botox office visit. If its a hardship he won't but because Botox isn't an approved benefit by the government they won't pay for it. I also learned that as part of Canada's wonderful social medical system my neurologist is paid $145 the first time I go to see him and $36 for each 3 month visit after that. If I don't see him for more than 6 months then he gets the $145 again. My doctor is touted to be the best neurologist in BC in the treatment of migraines yet as far as the government is concerned he is only worth $36. He spent at least half an hour if not 45 minutes with me on Wednesday that means he's making $72 / hour at the most on return visits. My car spends more time with my mechanic when I get an oil change and I the dealership gets more money for that. It's disgusting. Sorry, I ranted.
Back to you. I feel your struggle. I spent six months on disability and though you don't have to get up to go to work it can be demoralizing. On the other hand it gives you a break to get a routine going, get some pain management in place and spend some quality time with your family without other worries.
I have a new job with significanlty less responsibility making significantly less money. I find that hard to deal with sometimes but its what I have to do to have any quality of life. I'm also a student but I do it very slowly. I see a psychologist who specializes in chronic pain and she helps me deal with the pain, the guilt, and the frustration. She helps me see that life doesn't suck all the time. I have learned to be proud of the things that I can do, like getting out of bed each day, making it to work and doing some things with my family. Try not to feel guilty about the things you miss. You're doing your best, be proud of that. Living with chronic pain is something to be proud of because that does suck!!