Posted 8/19/2015 3:38 PM (GMT -7)
I've been having a problem for quite sometime now (about mid-july to be precise) where I'm constantly scared of dying, having a stroke, heart attack, or seizure, or someone close to me dying. It started a couple of weeks ago when I was lying on the couch with my mom late at night and suddenly I felt a shooting pain in my left thigh. Almost immediately after this, I started feeling a bit dizzy and my eyes started having periods where my vision would become kind of hazy and then return back to normal. I also found myself jolting upwards when I was almost about to fall asleep for no explainable reason. Being naive and completely unaware that neither heart attacks nor strokes nor non-epileptic seizures could happen to a seemingly healthy 13-year-old, I started freaking out, which woke up my mom. She had no idea what it was at the time but within a couple of minutes and a quick Google search, she found out that I was most likely having a panic attack, which scared me even more. It got to the point where my teeth were chattering non-stop, I couldn't stop shaking, and I found it hard to stand considering my legs were shaking as well. At one point, my brain got the notion that all the things I was experiencing would ultimately lead to my death, which, needless to say, freaked me out even more. Eventually I fell asleep, and I think it's safe to say that my fear of dying or something bad happening to me laid low for a couple weeks, that is until about a week ago. I became less scared of me dying and became increasingly scared of people I was close to dying. I kept getting the notion that somebody close to me was going to die. It varied from my mom, to my grandma, and even my dog, probably due to the fact that my mom's friend's son as well as my Grandpa had died recently, and my Grandma had recently had a stroke a couple of days before my first panic attack. I didn't WANT them to die, though. I'd never wish death upon anybody. I told my Mom about it and I guess she misunderstood me because she later told me that what I told her had kept her up for several hours. My Dad told me that simply thinking someone was going to die or get hurt didn't mean that they would, but at the same time, he'd always say that if I thought something was going to happen, it would. Confused as well as frustrated, I vented it out to my Mom, as well as re-explained my thoughts to her so that she wouldn't think I was crazy. I felt better after that, but not for long. That night, as I was yawning and stretching (both at the same time) and then I suddenly felt an intense pain in both of my ribs (the right one in particular), and, being the easily anxious person that I am, thought that I'd broken them and that I'd (you guessed it) die from it. That fear was never really resolved but my fear of it, as well as the pain in my ribs lessened over time (though it's still prominent from time to time). I remained not-scared up until sunday, when I found myself getting dizzy a lot, often not being able to stand for long periods of time. I kind of ignored it until I went to bed. By then, I found that it hurt to keep my neck up for a long period of time, there was a terrible pain in the back of my head (which had happened a couple times before and usually happens when I'm scared), my ears felt clogged despite the fact that I found nothing when I put a Q-tip in each one, and that even slightly rubbing or touching any part of my head from the top to the back hurt. I legitimately felt like I was going to faint, which, of course, resulted in me thinking I was going to die in my sleep. My parents, having put up with my almost-constant fear for weeks, were sick of hearing about what I was scared of at this point (which I'd known beforehand but kind of ignored considering my common sense was usually being overridden by my fear which resulted in me being kind of scared to talk to them), kind of just let it happen, and I turned out fine the next morning. This fine-ness lasted until late that afternoon because, even though I felt fine, I still thought I was going to die either that night, the next morning, or sometime soon. After having yet another talk with my mom and drinking some camomile tea, I felt fine up until last night, when, again, my brain had this weird notion that I'd die, but this time, it thought of a specific date and time August, 19, 2015, 12:00pm. Drinking camomile tea again helped a little bit, but I was still kind of scared and shaken up. My fear increased this morning, but ceased as I'd turned out completely fine by the time noon came around. Persistent as ever, my fear returned, but this time in the form of my forehead stinging whenever it was slightly touched, the back of my head hurting (again), feeling dizzy easily, and a small headache which was exclusive to the right side of my forehead, which (uggh... again) resulted in me thinking that I was about to die. The pain has lessened over the hours, but my fear of death remains persistent. I've asked my parents several times to go to the doctor or to the ER to see if anything was wrong or to see if a certain drug could be prescribed for whatever's wrong (if there's anything wrong at all) and/or for my anxiety, but they keep saying that either they're too busy with work, that I should only go to the doctor if I KNOW something's wrong with me or if it's an emergency, or that drugs aren't the answer for everything (even though I only asked about that once).
Can somebody please help?