I am not sure what to say...I don't know specifically what is wrong as i am not a physician.
I can tell you that I have been very ill and there were times that I did not want to live. I am 25 years old now and I am doing better. I know that there are still going to be times that I am sick and it is going to be a struggle to get up out of bed and continue on from one day to the next.
I believe in God and I have a dog that I adore more than anything in the world. I also have friends that are my support system (my family is less than understanding when it comes to my specific illness) The point of all of this is that you have to find something or someTHINGS that keep you going, the things that drag you out of bed when you think nothing else will...and try to focus on that. If it is painting, or writing or listening to music or a cat...whatever it might be...you have to have something or someone to lean on and pull strength from. Know that you are loved and worth something- we all are.
There has to be something to give you some type of relief...there is a reason you are here.
Hang in there sweetie