Hi Mrsghost, Welcome to Healing Well. It is awful to think we pass anything negative on to our children especially a rottten disease like this, but sometimes it is unfortunately true. I have passed it onto my son who is 17 now. Thankfully he has only has a few big attacks. I took my son to the Docs when I suspected what it was, and the doctor confirmed it. But it is no-ones fault, especially not yours or mine!
Children can be manipulative without intending to be, especially over something that troubles them, but somehow we need to try and see through it to discover where reality is. For example, when my son was a bit younger I had a similar problem, different subject matter but the same principle. My son's father left us when my son was 2 years old under rather ghastly circumstances of which my son does know about. The only time I knew it was troubling him was when I asked him to tidy his room or help out with something and he said he wouldn't because he was upset about his dad. I believe my son was trying to come to terms with things, and after one occasion of using his dad as an excuse and it had the desired effect, he found that it was only too easy to do it again.
Thankfully my son grew out of this, but it took time. I made sure he knew that he could talk at any time about his troubles but using his troubles to get out of everyday tasks was not acceptable.
I hope this is of some help, keep us posted as to how you get on. Take care Ann.