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medical care of minor who doesn't want it

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Migraine Headache
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Posted 11/15/2006 12:15 AM (GMT -8)
Hi,

I have posted in the past about my teenage daughter who has a headache all the time. It has been going on for a good 10 months now, and she has seen various doctors, taken meds, and had a bunch of tests. She is at the point that she just doesn't want to do any more about it because nothing has worked. So this is my frustration: She will be 18 next summer and will be making her own medical decisions. She wants me to just let her do that now, and I understand why she feels that way. But, as the mom of someone who is still technically a minor, I feel responsible to continue seeking treatment/diagnosis and worry that if I drop it now we may end up regretting it later.

In a nutshell, she's seen an internist, ENT, ophthamologist, neurologist; had ct scans and mris; and none of the meds have worked with the brief exception of the toradol and benedryl they gave her in the ER when I first took her in about this. I think we've ruled out the scary stuff. They've talked about referring her to a nearby university, which I imagine will mean running through all the tests again.

Since she's willing to live with the pain, should I let her have her way? Or should I just be the parent and insist that she follow through with this?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I really don't know what to do anymore.
Posted 11/15/2006 4:44 AM (GMT -8)

Hi, I guess I my opinion comes from a little bit of both sides of this. I am a mom, and then I have cluster headaches (which took five years for a diagnosis), and complicated migraines (which took 6 months for a diagnosis and about 12 doctors and probably every diagnosis imaginable). I recently was hospitalized on a headache unit and meant many parents in your situation. They had taken their teenage kids doctor to doctor, test to test, treatment to treatment, etc. There are sooo many forms of headaches out there that I never even heard of or could even begin to imagine that can be caused by alls kinds of things...I would suggest trying to find a headache specialist or trying a university like you said specializing in headaches. Its amazing the treatments and types that are out there. I am not saying that you will walk out of one of these places cured/pain free, but at least maybe some answers and a better understanding of where to begin?? It sounds to me like you feel like you want to keep going and figure out what is going on with your daughter and get her better and I would do that---I think you are on the right path!!!! Good Luck and Take Care...Unfortunately, when it comes to pain, it is not the easiest thing to fix....but one of the hardest things to live with or watch a loved one suffer with...

Posted 11/15/2006 4:51 AM (GMT -8)
Hi Heatmiser,

As the parent of a nearly 18 yr old myself my heart goes out to you. The hardest thing is to let go and let them make their own decisions - I am absolutely lousy at that lol!!! I don't know a parent who is good at it. But as you say there is also the balance of wisdom!!

This is my personal opinion and gut reaction, and that would be maybe to let it go for now. But, be very prepared for her to turn around after a while and ask for support to get this investigated further. In another ten months she may well see this very differently if she is still suffering. This will be incredibly hard for you to do I know.

My son also has migraine but has not had any attacks for a year or two thankfully, but he does have Asthma which does cause him problems. He is very headstrong and wilfull and knows exactly what he wants, sometimes this can be negative and sometimes positive. Recently he has gone through a time when he could not be bothered to take his preventative for the Asthma - I hated it, I couldn't force him and it would just cause rows! I very reluctantly let it go, as in stopped nagging him or talking to him about it, and he ended up having two big attacks one after the other and the lasted one he ended up in hospital on oxygen and steroids!! He is not brilliant at taking his prevents now, but is getting there, sometimes they have to learn the hardest way!!!

At the end of the day, the decision has to be yours this is only my take on it.

take care

Ann
Posted 11/15/2006 4:06 PM (GMT -8)

Hi heatmiser,

I am a migraine sufferer and have had them since I was a child, I'm not a parent, but perhaps I can give you some perspective from someone who has experienced migraines from childhood to adulthood.

We didn't do anything about mine as a child and as a young adult they went away for a while but then came back in full force. As a young person I could withstand the pain and did my best to live a fairly normal live. Now that I've had them again for ten years, the last five years chronically nearly every day, I can't stand the pain anymore.

We've tried so many drugs, so many treatments and so many alternative therapies but nothing has worked. I've been to see neurologists, doctors, naturopaths, transpersonal psychologists, regular psychologists and another host of medical professionals. We exhausted so many treatments that I'm now taking narcotics. We're still looking because I would prefer not to be on narcotics but I just couldn't stand the pain anymore.

I wish we had found a treatment / solution when I was younger and could stand the pain. Or at least could modify my lifestyle so that it minimized my migraines. At 35 I am on disability and spend a lot of my time in bed suffering from migraines. I am lucky I have an understanding husband, but it easily could have gone the other way and I could have been divorced.

I also know I wouldn't have wanted a treatment forced on me, but perhaps discussing with your daughter the possibility of having migraines for the next 15, 25 or 35 years are worth figuring it out now to try and get her buy in.

Good luck.

PS At 35 my mom is now involved in helping me find the solution to my migraines. Unfortunately or fortunately your job is never done. :-)

Posted 11/15/2006 9:06 PM (GMT -8)
Thank you all for your replies! I'm trying to give her more freedom with this, but I guess I worry that one day she will say I should have made her because I was the parent. But I just can't see me forcing her to take meds against her will. Unfortunately I just end up feeling guilty.

I read about what you all have to endure and my heart goes out to you. Thanks for being here to help. I'm sure I'll be posting again sometime.
Posted 11/16/2006 3:39 PM (GMT -8)
Dear heatmiser,

Unfortunately guilt is a horrible emotions that accompanies this illness. There's no need to feel guilty. Feel proud because you did your best. I highly doubt your daughter will blame you. I regret we didn't find a solution, but I know it's not my parents' fault.

She is going to have to learn a lot about her illness if she hasn't already and one day the migraines will either get better or she will get tired of the pain and that will motivate her to find a way to live pain free or to minimize the pain.

As a child who suffered migraines, my best advice after all this is to be there for her. Keep an eye out in case she gets depressed. Depression can accompany chronic pain and don't let her get isolated is she seems depressed.

Bravo for being such a loving and caring parent. She is lucky that she has your support. That makes it a whole lot easier to deal with and may be part of the reason she doesn't feel like she needs a solution right now.

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