I just start getting into this nightmarish state of mind, where I remember every dark or scary thing about my life, or even things I have seen on television. It could be from decades ago. Or I dwell on family problems that I normally don't think about much. I don't know where it comes from.
I know that many people who have "gone insane" have had severe headaches. I wonder what the connection is. Thanks again for your answers.
A lot of these responses have been about
depression related to migraines but if I'm interpreting your post correctly, it's more the morbid and scary thoughts that are worrying you.
a year and a half ago, I was in a really similar place. I was constantly having nightmares contain verrry disturbing images and ideas and I was constaly dwelling on the idea that all sorts of awful (as in gruesome and painful) accidents could befall me. It was a very scary and upsetting time in my life.
I think that I can identify two possible causes of this: 1) I was going through changes in the drugs I was taking which maybe have caused emotional problems from withdrawal and introduced new side effects that took a while to become acclimated to. However, I feel like that was probably more of a secondary or superficial reason. 2) More strikingly, I think, was the fact that my migraines were probably as bad or worse as they had ever been and I was continually seeing treatments fail, one after another, even though I had just started seeing new headache specialists. As you said, I didn't feel hopeless, though, just particularly negative. It was also a really depressing time as I had to stop school and work for the first time and, in temporarily withdrawing from college, I returned home to live with my parents for close to a year. I was more depressed, probably, than I've ever been (again, depressed as in unhappy, not feeling like I ought to give up), being away from my friends and girlfriend and feeling totally unproductive. Around that time the morbid thoughts began. I know I'm going to have trouble explaining this but, I think it was largely because I strong felt (or knew, perhaps) that I had very little or no control over the horrible pain and subsequent poor quality of life that I was experiencing. I think I was very deeply feeling that, because my pain had come on so suddenly and expectedly, and I was in such a different condition than all of the people around me, I started feeling as if all of the most horrible things in the world could happen to me, or at least had those things on my mind constantly.
In the end, the way I got out of that place in my life was probably through a combination of talk therapy with a great therapist and switching antidepressants to something that would also help treat my increased anxiety (I believe that around that time I started Effexor, which treats depression and anxiety). I guess I also came to be more at peace, feeling less like life might be out to get me.
Anyway, I don't know exactly if that's how you are feeling but I want you to know that it does happen: chronic pain and intense anxiety have a strong link for many reasons. You ought to talk to your headache specialist or any mental help professional that you might see and get some help. It's a terrible state of mind to be in.
Hoping that you feel better soon,