Well, if I can just get past February...

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uppitycats
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 2135
   Posted 2/7/2008 8:58 AM (GMT -7)   
...is my mantra.  Februarys..for unknown reasons...maybe karma...are bad for me. Here is a litany:
 
February, 1955: Father dies. I was barely 8.  Loved him dearly and it was (obviously!) very traumatic.
 
February, 1955: End of my pleasant relationship with my family. I was (by my mother) blamed for my father's death..and at barely 8, believed her. Worried for years about my "power to kill", and, since I didn't quite know how I "did it the first time", was always worried I'd do it again! Yikes!
 
February 1966: A GOOD thing.  Got engaged. (Got married in June, 1968.)
 
February, 1982:  Found out that I had been adopted, a long-time family secret...known by everyone but me! I'd suspected something like that..but hearing about it was....rather shocking....to say the least. Think about the challenges to re-frame your life: the people you thought were your parents, weren't.  In my case, since it was an "in-family" adoption, figure out that the people you thought were your aunt/uncle are in fact your biological parents; the people you thought were brothers are in fact cousins, the people who you thought were parents are really aunt/uncle...and at the same time, being extorted by newly-discovered sibling/cousins...who had found me to tell me this news because they wanted $$ from me.  Fat chance.
 
February 1983: Found out I had MS.  If there is any truth to the theory that "stress" or "a shock" can lead to autoimmune disorders, I'm a poster child. The diagnosis came one year to the month of finding out my "true life story"...a year of lots of turmoil...  Got to spend Valentine's Day in the hospital with my first serious exacerbation..to be released 3 months later.
 
February 1985: My boss started giving me all sorts of grief about how I wasn't doing my job. I probably wasn't -- spent all that time in the hospital, got out, and tried to return to work, but dealing with 2-3 exacerbations a year, serious health stuff..I was out more than in. He'd tolerated it about as much as he could...then starting giving me heck. He was right, but it was still pretty traumatic. We had been (and once again are) good friends, and I felt pretty betrayed. Anyway,  I ended up quitting in the summer of this year, moving back to Wisconsin (my home territory).
 
February 1986: Was told by my mother that if I "insisted on coming to visit me, leave your crutches at home! You stumbled last time you were here and scratched my walls!". I didn't go visit.
 
February 1987: I guess I don't learn. Again planned a parental visit. Again told, "What, you're coming in a wheelchair?  That'll ruin my rugs! MUST you come?"  I didn't.  Relationship with mother, long strained (see second entry), now irretrievably broken.
 
February 1995: Find out from one brother that mother is dying of lung cancer. She, a long-time smoker, had emphesema, congestive heart failure (which I'd known about), and now lung cancer. She still doesn't want me to visit as "you're in that darned chair, always wanting attention, and I'm not well enough to deal with it!" So I didn't go. She died in December of this year.
 
February 1997: Another GOOD thing.  Inherit $$ from mother. (A long and painful story there that I won't bore you with...but the good news is the $$, enabling me to not have to worry..so much..about long-term health and wellness issues.)
 
February 1997: Another GOOD thing. (Maybe karma has switched???) We find this house that we eventually bought and moved in, later in the summer.  A sort of dream house. At least we think so.
 
February 2001:  My beloved Shadow Cat dies, after a long illness.  But the GOOD stuff: We adopt Cindy and Cassie Cat from the shelter, and not long after that, Tuffy shows up at the door.
 
February 2003:  TabbyGrey shows up in the yard, and after a few months of luring him in, becomes yet another housecat (4 is plenty. I DO hope no others show up, because they'll end up inside too, and 4 really IS plenty).
 
February 2008: Here we are...nothing traumatic happening since 2003 and now. And maybe I can finally actually celebrate my (61st) birthday today without "waiting for the other shoe" -- some traumatic event -- to happen.  Do you think?  :)
 
 
 
...I am not a doctor, nor health professional, and don't pretend to be one, here.....


rhondab
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 2146
   Posted 2/7/2008 9:23 AM (GMT -7)   
O Friend, u so so so deserve a happy birthday today and every year after!! I can only tell u that u are such a huge mountain of strength and hope for all of us here. We can only hope to attain the sense of living life that u have, yet u've been thru such trauma just to get here. U are and always were such a perfect person just as u are and were. Always believe that friend. I went thru some pretty hefty things as a child and still i'm in shock. U deserved none of that and i hope and pray u can somehow feel that u are so loved now. If u'r own family can't see the value u have and how precious u are, then move forward and embrace this family u have here. We do see it. HAPPY BIRTHDAY Sweet Friend!!!!
rhonda
Co-Moderator, MS Forum
 
*~*Sometimes the Lord calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child.*~*
 
Things that make u go hummmm......
*I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.*
*One day without sunshine is like...um..well...night?*


uppitycats
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 2135
   Posted 2/7/2008 9:59 AM (GMT -7)   
geesh! You actually READ the whole thing! ;)
...I am not a doctor, nor health professional, and don't pretend to be one, here.....


rhondab
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 2146
   Posted 2/7/2008 11:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Friend

I CERTAINLY read the whole thing! Not only is u'r input important here friend, but also u'r life and world. Thanks so much for sharing this with us and please know it's met with care and friendship. As i said before, i've been thru some harsh things in life and i so understand pain and very hard knocks. I get it. Persistence defeats resistence...and u've defeated sooo much resistence! Kudos to u!
rhonda
Co-Moderator, MS Forum
 
*~*Sometimes the Lord calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child.*~*
 
Things that make u go hummmm......
*I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.*
*One day without sunshine is like...um..well...night?*


Sunnycitrus
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 334
   Posted 2/7/2008 12:16 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Uppity,

 

I really appreciate your willingness to share your experience and advice. You’ve been through so much adversity, and your attitude and ability to overcome is truly an inspiration to me. It makes me happy to hear you are now on a roll with “good” Februarys!

 

Sunny


GretHerb
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 2/7/2008 12:28 PM (GMT -7)   

Uppitycats, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

While some of that sounds so painful, have you ever thought of taking some time and write a book? Especially in light of the fact that February now seems to be a positive month for you? I found myself intrigued (yep, I read the whole thing!). Anyway, I am really glad to hear that February has turned around.

Now go have yourself and well-earned, darned good birthday! :-)


mystery reader
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 257
   Posted 2/7/2008 12:40 PM (GMT -7)   
I read the whole thing too. I think you are so cool. You have gone through so much, but still seem to have a good attitude. February does suck. Don't tell my students I used that word. Happy Birthday!!!
Barb/mystery reader
Diagnosed April 2007
Started tysabri -- December 2007


pokey79
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 144
   Posted 2/7/2008 1:58 PM (GMT -7)   
wow uppity...wow i read the whole thing wow is all i can say....Happy Birthday and you did pull through what an accoplishment..I am fortunate to have a Great family altho at times i thinks maybe some wouldnt mind trading me in for a quieter sibling..Not really least i hope not. My bad month has to be july....my sister was diagnosed with cancer the chemo an all she has to go through somehow gets me all nervous.She had her 2nd round of chemo and seems to be doing well.But it wreaks havoc on my system..One day at a time is all any of us can do...wow what an inspiring story uppity..... barb
diaganosed 1983
avonex once weekly
steroid infusion every three months for three days
mycoline three times a day
fosamax once a week
bladder meds. daily
calcium/multivitiams
synthyroid
 
 


Gretchen1
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 3547
   Posted 2/7/2008 5:13 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey Cat,

Wow that was quite a litany.  How could you ever think that we would not read the whole thing?!  What you wrote was fascinating, tragic, infuriating and totally inspiring.  I loved every word of it.  You really should write a book.  I would buy it but I would insist on you autographing it for me.  You are truly amazing.  I am so proud that I know you ( even if it is just electronically ) :-)

Thank you so much for sharing this, Cat.  It helps put life in perspective. 

Love and prayers,


Gretchen       co-moderator MS board       diagnosed with MS July 2006


uppitycats
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 2135
   Posted 2/7/2008 6:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey, guys, thanks for all the birthday wishes! Had a nice day -- husband took me out to lunch AND dinner! :) and bought a bunch of stuff for my dollhouse hobby. Now I gotta spend time figuring out where I'm gonna put it all.

And the BEST present was that I heard from my younger brother -- who was in the midst of some of the worst area hit in Tennessee in that batch of tornadoes. Fortunately he and his wife are fine, no damage to them or their house, a few trees down in the area and branches down in their yard, but nothing else. I'm SO relieved...

Heading off to bed now. Was out of town for several days on business, and I think it..and the birthday excitement..are catching up with/to(?) me... Gettin' old, ya know! :)
...I am not a doctor, nor health professional, and don't pretend to be one, here.....


tkelly3287
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 142
   Posted 2/7/2008 8:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Happy B-day and I have to say Feb is an unlucky month for me too!!! I am glad it is a short month!! I got my diagnosis in Feb too. I really hope this February treats you well!! It sounds like you desreve it!!

Kiera
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 364
   Posted 2/7/2008 10:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Ms. Uppity,

I've lived alot of your life. Not by the dates repeated though. I have a brother that refuses to speak to me as he is my "cousin" and his father molested me at age 7. Once word was out that i was a "liar" the other unlces bagan to ahow up up. I was so sick of my moms' defending them that i made a pact with myself. Id no longer tell her, Id fend for myself. At age 17 i left home a virgin, by the Grace of God. Id get them drunker (on purpose) when theyd mention their intent. I stabbed on in the hand on my leg when he told me to spread them apart..etc.... I lived a life of hiding behind somke houses and church toilets....all the while wondering why my mom loved them more than she cared for my safety?


Later learned my cousin (fav one) was my brother, then it all hit the fan, he made it clear he wanted nothing to do with any of us. he was not of us..he was better.

When my mom died i tried to contact him only to have him say DONT you ever call here and refer to yourself as my cousin ,,my kids do not know! (stupid considering the genetics and medical history) but his choice.

I learned as you did, and i know i dont have to explain it. The very person (our moms) that we sought to please.. once dead the reality of never being able to do so really hurt. But ms. uppity is was not our fault. At all.

The families at that time seemed to do adoptions within families to keep the secret further buried , however alot of times resentment remained always. As you know by now. It hurt. It hurt bad.

I also thought i had the power to cause harm. I was told on more than one instance that if it werent for me so and so would of lived . I began to change shirts thinking that if i wore a certain one, it might mean someones death. All this trouble on a 9yr olds mind.

I can feel what you feel. Ive felt what youve felt and much more that you didnt say nor did i.

I dont think its your karma at all. You give. You are a giver<<Please re read that!!!!!!!!!!!?????? Your compassion shines through and there is no way on God's green earth youll convince me its karma. It was some immature , selfish people who wanted no accountability and therefore blamed the easy one. Ever see chickens? One will get a sore and the rest will peck the sick one to death. They thrive on hurting whats already hurt. Misery indeed my friend, loves company.

On a great note! It changing. Do you really think its the date or do you see how the people that mistreated you so are now gone? And your now left with a man who loves you wholeheartdly..no wonder things are looking up. This february Ms. Uppity I truly feel will be a very freeing one for you.

I learned an improtant lesson: THEY DIDNT LIKE THEMSELVES so therefore THERE WAS NO WAY THEY COULD LOVE ME< afterall................I reminded them of THEMSELVES..

MUCH LOVE!!

thanks,

kiera
Every day brings us closer to what we reach for .........in all things.
 
Kiera


uppitycats
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 2135
   Posted 2/8/2008 6:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear Kiera...if you would like to correspond with me off list...you can find my email in my profile. Indeed we have a lot in common.... Take care.. Cat
...I am not a doctor, nor health professional, and don't pretend to be one, here.....


Kiera
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 364
   Posted 2/8/2008 7:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Ms. Uppity I checked your profile and it says unavilable. I would indeed like to correspond off of the list, i do feel we have a large amount in common and will more than likey find more than we thought!

Pls let me know how to contact you.



thanks


kiera
Every day brings us closer to what we reach for .........in all things.
 
Kiera


uppitycats
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 2135
   Posted 2/8/2008 8:04 AM (GMT -7)   
Kiera said...
Ms. Uppity I checked your profile and it says unavilable. I would indeed like to correspond off of the list, i do feel we have a large amount in common and will more than likey find more than we thought!

Pls let me know how to contact you.



thanks


kiera

ooops. I thought it was there.  I'll do it this way...I'll e-mail one of the moderators (Gretchen, are you paying attention??) and ask her to forward my e-mail to you. She should have access to all of ours. Will that be OK?
...I am not a doctor, nor health professional, and don't pretend to be one, here.....


rhondab
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 2146
   Posted 2/8/2008 8:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Uppity and Kiera

If i can make a suggestion... Mods don't have access to everyone's email other than what's in the profile that any member can see. Kiera why don't u email me (my email is in my profile) and i'll forward Uppity's address to u? Will that work ok??
rhonda
Co-Moderator, MS Forum
 
*~*Sometimes the Lord calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child.*~*
 
Things that make u go hummmm......
*I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.*
*One day without sunshine is like...um..well...night?*


uppitycats
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 2135
   Posted 2/8/2008 8:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks, Rhonda, that would work! :) I knew somehow we could make this happen! :)
...I am not a doctor, nor health professional, and don't pretend to be one, here.....


mamana monster
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2004
Total Posts : 2236
   Posted 2/8/2008 12:04 PM (GMT -7)   
I am sorry that I didn't post this yesterday, didn't get online, but wanted to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I really hope that it was a good day for you!
Blessings,
Teena

 

 

"Be yourself. An original is always worth more than a copy."

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