My sister is having problems right now with her legs. She was diagnosed almost 10 months ago with MS. She is terribly fatigued and for the past 5 days, her legs have felt like "lead". She had been doing well for a while, but now she seems to be having a relapse. She gets no support (emotional or otherwise) from anyone in the family but me. She and her two children live with my mother, another sister and one of my brothers. She is 33 years old and has never left home. She has always taken care of the rest of them; now that she is sick, no one gives a darn about
her. They verbally abuse her and expect her to do all the cooking and cleaning and they also verbally abuse my two nephews, telling them that she is sick because her brain is rotting. If she does not cook and clean for the rest of them, they all go out to eat on their own and threaten to kick her out of the house, and my two nephews go unfed and uncared for.
My adult sister and brother make no financial contribution at all to the household, but that is just fine with my cruel mother. The only person who is required to make a contribution to the household is my sister with MS. She is expected to give my mother all of her money, while my two siblings squander their money on alcohol, clothes, and whatever they choose. Most of the time, she runs out of food stamps that she gets for herself and her two children because my mother, brother and other sister all feel entitled to eat without buying any food. So two weeks into the month, she'll has nothing to feed her children but bread and macaroni and cheese.
My mother tells her that her disease is what she deserves from God. My mother and brothers were horribly abusive to us (physically, sexually and emotionally) when we were growing up. They are no longer physically and sexually abusive but they are still so cruel. She feels stuck because the father of her two children was murdered 5 years ago and she gets only $750 per month in disability, plus a few hundred dollars of social security death benefits for my nephews. She lives in New York City where it is impossible for a single person to live on such a low income let alone three people.
I think the physical and psychological pressure of the environment is making her MS worse. I don't see any hope of a recovery unless she gets away from them. Last night, she was so tired that she could barely talk. She had asked our sister to do her grocery shopping for her. Our sister refused, although she had no plans, so she had to go to the store herself. The walking exhausted her so much that when she got home, she had to go straight to bed. Of course, when she got home exhausted, our sister had eaten the meal that she had prepared for her two children before she went shopping. There was no food left for her and my nephew made her a sandwich which she was too tired to eat.
I am so distressed by this situation. I want to be there for my sister, but I cannot go to NYC to be with her. I live in upstate NY. I want her to come to where I am so that we can live together. I love her two children and I have no children of my own. The only problem is, I have no money either. I am on disability for psychiatric problems which my therapist believes were triggered by the terrible abuse I suffered from my family as a child. However, I am not violent or cruel and I have learned to control my condition with medication, therapy, and hope for a better life, including going to school very part-time(one or two courses at a time). If I dared to go back, I would suffer a breakdown. My sister realizes this and tells me not to risk my mental health by coming back.
I was thinking that my sister and I could pool our disabiluty resouces and live together as a household. The cost of living is much cheaper in upstate NY than in NYC. That way, we could be there for each other and her children. I am all alone in upstate NY and besides my mother and cruel siblings, I have no relatives and I have no boyfriend. I have always wanted children in my life but at 39, I accept that I will never give birth to children of my own and I do not have the resouces to adopt. So having my nephews in my life would be a joy not a burden. My sister likes the idea but we need to find a way to make it happen.
I would like an opinion from anyone who wants to offer it. My sister and I have always gotten along well and when I was in college, she spent her summers with me. She does not expect life to stop because she has ms but she does need love and support and the knowledge that someone will be there for her chidren. Also please share with me what medications and nutritional therapies have been helpful to you so that I can help to inform her of options.