Bless your hear and Gretchen is on the mark. Id so love to get that book if my memory holds up lol. I think what she is saying makes so much sense.
Do not beat yourself up Linz, i wrestle every day with copaxone (even tho there are no side effects to that extreme) but even if you take away all those flu like symptoms, guess what ? You find you still go back and forth with acceptance of this disease vs feeling you dont really have this (on better days) then find yourself tempted not to add something to your body so harsh...
til it hits again. So please please remain on a therapy. Speak with your doctor as Gretchen said. Maybe you should continue Avonex but find away to vent as you did here on the forum. Maybe they will suggest a different therapy but i would not have you ignorant that its human nature to still wonder and buck against this until acceptance has worked its way to the end. So "allow" yourself.
I've always tried to come through all things on top. Ms takes the bottom out of a world for everyone. Even more so with persons who need to control it all. Ms shows you that your not the one in charge ....but....as Gretchen said, after awhile and you find that you do meet/read about
persons such as this book has in it. Or even Gretchen's place of having dealt with this horrid transition. It gives us hope to hang on.......and know that the body will calm in some areas, we will absorb more and more but think about
it less and less as time goes on. I realize that 4 yrs ago IF i felt what i feel today, id be headed for the ER, as it is im not....becuz i accept this much pain or ms..(dont have a choice lol).
what you feel i feel. It hurts, its maddening and i do think it takes some going through. I also think it sometimes becomes like a white water raft ride. You are not the one in charge but if you ride through some of it and hold onto supporters ...like this site and family and friends..at the end you find a bank to rest on. Might be sore from the ride and a rock or two bumped but your still here!!!!
I do feel for you as well as i feel for anyone going through this. I do think its something that we need to remember that everyones at a different stage or year of MS on here. Of having it or the damage it has done. So while some may have already went through what you and i are going through emotionally , its not like they havent felt this....so your NOT alone!!!!!!!!!!!!! But isnt it so encouraging to see them here? Posting , and encouraging and knowing what all you fear?
Please accept a hug from me (nonpainful one lol) and...........let yourself vent. Get that book if at all possible and it may help you to feel like you have someone at home (that person in the book and journal exercise) that knows what your going thru! I really am jotting the book down to go and order today, i hope that you can afford to get it too and perhaps then we can all relate to where your at in the journal?
I really wish i could help you but if nothing else, Please KNOW that im going through it too!!!!!!!!!!!!
Every day brings us closer to what we reach for .........in all things.