Hi, My name is Lee :)
I was diagnosed with M.S. in June of 2007.
I really think I have had it for many years and doctors kept telling there was nothing wrong with me and I was just a hypochodriac.
In 2001 I started experiencing tinnitis so loud I could not hear over the buzz in my ears. That was at about the same time I started having problems in my wrists and back. I was diagnosed by my family physican with carprel tunnel syndrom and musular strains from geratric nursing. I was sent to a specialist for the carprel tunnel who thought it was odd that the problems with my wrists were come and go. (pain, tingling in my hands and fingers, some loss of sesitivity, and swelling) I eventually just learned to live with the problems since no treatments short of surgury worked and I was not willing to go the surgical route.
During this time my memory slowly began circling the drain. I found that I would put something down, only to forget where I put it and sometimes I would just stop mid-scentance because I simply forgot the word I was going to say.
Over the years the pain I would experiance would be so bad I couldn't move and my energy levels kept getting lower and lower. I was then diagnosed with depression and place on a series of anti-depressants. None of which worked.
In August of 2005 I began getting more and more frustrated with my hands, I kept dropping things, and flinging stuff I was trying to hold onto unintentionally. In November of 2005 just after Thanksgiving I honestly thought I had had a small stroke. Suddenly I could not walk right, my legs just would not work the way I wanted them too. Plus my ability to write was simply gone. I could grasp a pen, but as soon as I pressed it to paper my hand would temble like a leaf in the wind and I would have no control over moving it. That's when my doctor finally sent me for my first MRI and found masses of lesions. He referred me to a Neurologist who finally had time to see me in April. He sent me for several tests including an extreamly painful lumbar puncture and gave me the diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis.
Now, I feel like my entire body has rebelled and it is falling apart. I have constant pain, sometimes just a dull ache, sometimes so bad I am in tears. And it's not always the same thing that hurts, sometimes it's my joints, sometimes it's the muscles in my back, or my legs, sometimes it feels like someone is pouring molten metal inside my bones and there is nothing I can do to stop it.
I have loss of sesitivty in my hands and feet and get come and go prickling sensations not only in my hands and feet but my legs from the knee down.
My memory is completly shot. The pauses in speech I used to have a few times a week have progressed to a dozen times a day. I have to keep a day planner with me at all times and write everything down and look at it regularly or I won't remember something I am supposed to do, an appointment, or something I was supposed to pick up.
My balance is a thing of the past too. I can no longer do things I used to love like dance, bowl, or wear heels. (I used to be such a girlie girl) I have to use a cane when I walk because if my balance goes and I have nothing to grab onto I will simply fall over.
My energy level is through the floor. If I walk my kids to the bus stop (1 block round trip) I usually end up falling asleep on the couch shortly after because I an exausted and need a nap.
The loss of co-ordination in my hands never fully went away. I have regained enough to write legibly sometimes, but my beautiful script is gone, and I am afraid to handle knives even when I try to cook because of tremor. I am terrified I will slice off a finger.
The headaches are impossible. I never had Migraines until about 3 years ago, at first it was just a couple in a few months, then a couple a month, not it's 3 to 4 days a week I want to hurl from the pain in my head.
The tinnitis never went away either. Any time it is quiet all I hear is a constant buzz, sometimes so loud I can't go to sleep from the noise. After all this time I should be used to it. Guess it shouldn't be an issue since I also have had a major issue with insomnia for about a month and a half now.
If that's not enough I have had an ever increasing issue with incontinence. I actually *noticably* wet myself at a party this summer. I was horrified, and in fact have not returned to that person's home since then. And my sex drive...well I don't have one anymore.
I have a feeling the way I feel now, beat up, worn out, and sick of freeling sick, is how I am supposed to feel at the age of 70......but I am only 29!
I think of my kids (boy 10 and girl 6) and all I wish I could do with them, and my *fairly* new husband (he married me 1 month after my diagnosis) and all I wish I could be for him, and I just want to cry. A part of me want to give up, I feel like such a burden. Another part of me wants to beleive the diagnosis was a mistake and that I am just a hypochodriac. And another part of me wants to whoop this and get my life back...the one that was just starting when my body started going haywire.
Well, I think I've introduced myself :) I haven't gotten the chance to talk to others with the same diagnosis and really want to know.......are all of my problems problems other people with M.S. suffer? Please tell me I am not alone.