Having a bad day....

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 1373
   Posted 12/13/2009 9:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Ok.. I have my neurologist appointment on Tuesday.. I'm doing ok for the most part, but today has been especially hard. I am so anxious about everything and find myself feeling so depressed... Then I feel like I want to have an anxiety attack... I am lightheaded, feeling like I'm in a major fog.. My appetite is not as good as usual and I can't stop thinking about what is going to happen to me... I know it's normal to feel scared.. I'm hoping that by posting here and getting it all out, that maybe I'll feel better....

So here goes...

I am afraid of having MS.. I'm afraid of not being able to take Remicade anymore and my Ulcerative Colitis coming back. I'm afraid of having a total colectomy and a permant ileostomy which I will have to do if I can no longer take Remicade.... I'm SUPER afraid of going through the surgery and having to adjust to a major life changing situation. I'm afraid that the MS symptoms I have now aren't going to go away and that I'm stuck with this numbness, tingling and lightheaded feeling or if it's going to get worse.. I'm just plain ol' AFRAID...

I have a friend who has Crohn's Disease.. she's had several surgeries and has a permanent ileostomy. I went over to her house today and she showed me the type of appliances she uses, explained to me how to change it and a lot of general information. It was helpful.. I also learned that during one of her surgeries they severed a nerve controlling her bladder and she has to use a catheter everytime she has to pee.. she cannot pee on her own...

I sat there thinking.. Man, I could have it so much worse.. she's been through so much stuff.. Yet, I find myself obsessing about MYSELF... I know it's lot to deal with and sometimes I feel like I'm handling it ok.. then other times I feel like I'm falling apart.. PLUS.. I'm still tapering off steroids that I've been on since June.. so I'm sure that has something to do with my emotional rollercoaster. But I still feel this way, even if I know why.. it sucks to still feel this way...

Fortunately my friend is seeing a therapist and she recommended I go see her too. She gave me her card and I'm going to call her tomorrow and see if I can get in to see her ASAP... I need to talk to someone who can help me sort this all out.. I find myself doing so much research until I end up freaking out and having anxiety so bad I have to take a Xanax and calm down.. Can't be healthy..

Ok.. enough of that.. Im going to try and get my mind off things... Thanks for reading this :)

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 3550
   Posted 12/14/2009 11:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Susie,
I hope you can get in to see that therapist soon.  She sounds like she has experience with chronic illness. 
I hope you are feeling a bit better and less stressed about this.  It is definitely normal to feel scared and upset by all this.
There is a great book out there if you are into self help books.  It is called MS and your feelings.  It was written by Allison Shadday.  She is a therapist that happened to get a diagnosis of MS.  This book helped me a lot.  There are lots of little journaling exercises that help you to sort through your feelings on all this.  You might check into this.  You can get it on amazon.  I have no vested interest in this book or author.  It was just a book that helped me. 
Let me know how you are doing. 
Gretchen  ~  diagnosed with MS July 2006
I have no lesions on my soul and so I will live with no limits.

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