Totally Aggravated

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Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 23
   Posted 6/13/2006 8:53 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm totally aggravated at my mother in law.  Many of you know how I've been trying to figure out what's wrong with me since November.  Been through the spinal/MRI's and everything came back normal.  I'm still having these stings, numbness etc...  My PCP told me it could take years to dx this if it is in fact MS, which it may still not be MS.
I was talking with my mother in law tonight and she really made me mad.  We were discussing my job and how hard it was working and feeling badly.  The subject of fatigue went to the subject of early retirement which went to the subject of my health and if this is MS I might not make it to retirement age. 
She said "oh, this just started with a passive statement from an eye doctor that your optic nerve was a little inflamed and now you think you have MS."  I was so angry because I have been through hell this year with fatigue, weakness, using a cane for one month etc....  the stinging sensations are terrible.  I'm totally not psychosomatic.
Basically, she totally blew me off and insinuated that the symptoms I've had is exaggerated.  I have NOT exaggerated my symptoms.  Just because my test came back normal does not minimize the fact that I've had symptoms. 
I'm so frustrated.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 896
   Posted 6/13/2006 9:21 PM (GMT -6)   
Sorry you are having to put up with that!!  Try not to let her upset you, she is just ignorant to disease.  No one can tell you how you feel or how you should feel!  I've been through that with some people also and it is hard to have them talk to you like that but you can't let them get you down.
Does your husband know?  Can he talk to her and fill her in?  I hope you get your diagnosis soon!!!  Take care.
Vent anytime! :-)
Michelle ><>
 Some people go through life standing at the complaint counter.
Every time you want to grumble,
Think of others who have less;
Ask the Lord to keep you humble,
Grateful for each happiness.  —Marye



Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 6/14/2006 9:41 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi seejo,  When I was married I often wished I could twinkle my nose and make my mother in law disappear (like on Bewitched)...preferably to another state.  Anyway, it doesn't sound as if she is being sensitive or supportive to what you have been through and continue to go through.  I would talk to your husband and have him speak to her about her attitude towards your illness.  If she cant be supportive and kind then she needs to keep her comments and opinions to herself. IMO...



Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 1852
   Posted 6/14/2006 11:55 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Seejo,

I'm so sorry! It's a shame when family members act that way, we have a few of those in our family as well. You know how you feel and that you not exagerating or making things up so her comments really have no value to you. I'm not sure if your husband has explained all the details to her about what has been going on with you in the past year, if he hasn't then it might be a good idea to have him do that. If she is aware then I would just ignore her comments as she just isn't getting it. Some people are like that with things they can't see or haven't gone through themselves. Take care of yourself, and don't let this stress you out, it's not worth it :-)

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 2146
   Posted 6/14/2006 3:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Seejo

I'm sorry...some people just don't consider things they say before they say them. I imagine u'r mil loves u very much...and prob doesn't see the enormity of ms. I can tell u i am much more sympathetic to it since i'm seeing this possibly first hand. Seems as tho it takes goin thru things to learn compassion sometimes. I agree with the others...she's u'r husband's mother...let him discuss with her what u'r going thru. He is seeing all this as u go thru it and would be a fantastic ambassador for u given that he is also the one common person that u both love very much. Seejo, u have u to worry about. Stess seems to be one thing that people with ms don't need at all. Don't let her or anyone else get to u. I know that's MUCH easier said than done, but for u'r health and the wellbeing of u'r family, u have to find a way to ignore some people. My mother in law loves me dearly and i know it...but i also know she has the mindset that if u can't see the illness it prob isn't that big of a deal. Comes from those days when they didn't accept illness unless u were dragging a bloody limb! ;) I pray ur mother in law will realize what u'r dealing with and will be able to offer support and help to u, but priorities have to be that u are cared for first. Best wishes to u as u deal with this.


Sandy C.
Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 129
   Posted 6/17/2006 12:35 AM (GMT -6)   


I can TOTALLY understand what it feels like when someone tries to tell you what you feel isn't real. It is real and you know it! I am one of those, like you, that look too good to be sick. My own mother has a hard time with coming to terms with my MS. She doesn't want to hear me talk about my future as if there is anything wrong now. I fight fatigue till I have almost nothing left to fight with. Yet I can be at my mothers house because I am too tired to drive to my home and she wants me to go to the grocery store with her so I can lift the groceries for her after shopping, or do the dishes, or take out the trash! This all seems resonable to a "normal" healthy young person to do for their own mother, so I feel guilty when I can't. She thinks that I am exaggerating. I am not, I assure you.

I am sure your mother-in-law loves you very much. But she may never understand what you feel. I find myself talking with my mother about how MS effects my life all the time so she won't think I am making excuses when she asks me to do things. I also do as much as I can for her on days that are good... She still thinks I am exxagerating when I am not having a good day...

Good luck with you MIL and just know that you aren't alone. I am sure everyone here can think of at least one close person in their life that doesn't want to deal with how this chronic illness is affecting their life.

Sandy C.
Diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis September 2003 currently taking Copaxone.

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