I just wanted to let you know that I am back out of the hospital and what I have found out. Between my husband, myself, other close family and my older children some decisions have been made. First I went back to the hospital and I was soooo sick and in so much pain they thought maybe I had developed an infection but that was only part of it. The cancer has spread into my bones as well as pancreas. They have explained that chemo and radiation are options but quite honestly it has spread so fast and into so many organs that it is only a 40% chance of ever getting it into remission and life expectency would likely only be 6 months to a year. On the other hand if I chose to not do treatment most definately I would die and life expectency would be maybe three to four months but would not have the effects of the chemo making me so sick. So with this info in mind my husband and I had a long talk and then included the rest of our family and children.
Now after much thought and many tears my family, kids and myself have decided to enjoy what ever time is left without the effects of treatment. I will not be going back to the Mayo and will spend the time I have doing what I can tolerate on a day to day basis. My husband will still take time off work and my children will be home schooled with a lovely family member who has teaching experience. This was very hard to decide on but it feels right. i want to be able to enjoy my kids and make as many memories for them as possible.
I will have a visiting nurse every day and caregivers to help. My children will be doing some talking with my pastor and pray that he and us will be able help them through this. I am thankful that it sounds like I will have at least a little time to help them prepare although I do understand that there little hearts will break. They have me on pain meds and patches and when needed will put me on a morphine drip to help along with the pain. Instead of pills for nausea and vmiting the nurse will inject meds right into my port. Mt plans are to not go back to the hospital at all and the POLST says DNR and everyone has promised that they will abide by it no matter how scared they are when thet times come. Hopice is also involved to help out as well.
It is with great sadness that I tell you this and with many tears. I will thank you all now for all the prayers and love and so much encouragement that you have given me. Please remember to continue to pray for my family and especially my kids. I will come and visit when I can but will be spending as much time as I can with theses beautiful little faces that are looking at me now who want to visit with mom. For now I will be going and and thank you again. PLEASE PRAY!!!!!