symptoms are somewhat worse these past few days, my husband and i were playing cards (poker) and when it was my call, i knew i was looking at my cards but that's it, i was like dreaming or something, but of nothing. I was thinking of what i would need to win but just starring at the numbers on the cards as if they weren't supposed to be there. Im having much difficulty spitting things out, for my sons b-day litterally i was so nervous to speak to him cause everyone was watching him
open gifts and b/c i was nervous i stuttered or maybe the stuttering caused me to be more nervous? i notice myself resting my head to the right shoulder as if my shoulder is a "neck" stool. my knee is killing me, it hurts like hell right now to straighten it almost seems impossible. It is 4:am and not tired? can't sleep,is it my nerves are a symptom of something? Another tooth broke again. I have a dentist appointment today at 1pm. I was just eating a bacon sandwich and it broke,half of my teeth are deteriorating, i have had this appointment for about
two months and i was supposed to be going in for one tooth extraction,he is going to flip when he see's two more teeth are useless and painful and swollen. My front wrap on my front tooth is coming off again> this is driving me crazy, i'm 26, i was smart~Failed skills so no longer in RN program, i litterally couldn't figure out 185 credits is how much dollars when the credits were nickels. I used to be a calculator and i couldn't even find a starting point in my head, i also hallucinate. I live in the country and it has rained alot so we do have to set mouse traps ( i don't live gross ) and i am scarred to death of those lil suckers. I look at something and it is moving and the more i look at it the more i am convinsed that the curtains are moving~i even find whatever is by me,like an ink pen, and toss it in that direction to see if it is a mouse or if i am just loosing it~well come to find out i am just loosing it. I actually woke up my husband nightbefore last cause i stayed in one spot for 1.5 hours starring at a small fern that i have on a raised plant stand cause i actually seen water just spitting out of the bottom of it, and i could really hear the noise. I waited so long i think b/c i wanted to be sure before i made a fool of myself~i woke up my husband i made him move the plant stand around and touch the floor, he didn't feel anything. I feel like i'm on what they call a "bad acid trip"right now. I have dropped 3 cigarettes in the past two days, can't
open my flip phone with one hand(dropped it infront of people yesturday)I see spots, like there are black holes in my vision, i think this makes me "see" things . I can't and have no desire to eat, i now weigh 103lbs, a month ago i weighed 109.Which makes no sense at all cause i have less dailiy activity than ever before. The prickling on my skin feels from the feeling of it just being asleep to the feeling of something biting me. After i took a hot shower last night, i had red "sun" bumps on my upper arms,chest,thighs, and even two on my forehead and one on my lip. I've never had a fever blister before in my life and no acne ever. I feel the need to scratch but i know if i do then the splotchy raised things will come up and spread,i can feel it.I have so much fluid build up my toes are a purplish red but my feet are white (pale). My palms are red, my thumb on my left hand has a pale scratch mark about
2 in long that gets really red when i feel those splotchy rashes coming on. My right finger knuckle has a half moon red line on my upper middle knuckle that gets bright when my hands inflammed. My toes stay in the flexed postition pointing towards the ceiling, like as if my muscles are very tense. I am so depressed. I used to do modeling work when i was 17-20. Now i look in the mirror and i see this unhealthy , unattractive, person who looks like a a drug head or 15 years older than what i am. Sorry for using you guys as my "guidance counselors" but i'm just scared .
Sorry for such a long message everyone, i didn't initially have this much to say but i am trying to mask everything in that when i get onhere it seems like its my "safe haven" to be honest and release all of these things.
thanks for all yall emotional support and responses.