"Good Friends" who dont want to hear about your MS...

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Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 11/21/2006 5:38 PM (GMT -6)   
So anyone have this experience? I have two REALLY good friends, who are the only friends in real life I have shared any of this stuff with.... Any of the possible MS and all that stuff. Anyways, one of my friends is pregnant. She has laid so much on me in the past, from her husband physically and mentally abusing her to her wanting a divorce etc.... She has told me all of it and i have been there for her... NOW when I am worried about this and have talked to her, its like she is really uncomfortable hearing about it and doesnt want to know. Thats cool. I wont tell her anything anymore. Maybe cause she is pregnant she just wants to hear "happy stuff." But it does hurt, you know? When you have heard everything, even things you didnt want to hear, and when you need a friend they arent there and dont want to know. I guess I will excuse her on it cause of her pregnancy and just stop talking about it. Anyone have this experience??

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 11/21/2006 6:38 PM (GMT -6)   
I have one really good friend who I confide in. She listens and cares as I do about her stuff. But when something big is happening in her life you can definitely tell. The fact that she is pre-occupied and not her normal self. So if your friend is doing that it is quite possible she is having a hard time taking everything in with her life and yours. Give her a little time and I bet she'll snap back. Especially if she is a REALLY good friend. And until then everyone here is always ready to listen : )

Sandy C.
Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 129
   Posted 11/21/2006 7:01 PM (GMT -6)   
My best friend of 15 years hasn't called since I was diagnosed. In her defense though, we were down to a single phone call about every six months because I moved and she got married ect. What really stuck with me is when I called her about 6-9 months after the initial diagnosis I heard a baby in the background on the phone and it was hers! She was not suppose to be able to get pregnant or be able to carry a baby with her medical
condition(s). It hurt really bad that she didn't tell me till I asked! She has been to see me but once (I have gone to see her several times since I moved). After that phone call, I lost her number and have waited for her to call or come by...

Moving closer to home, my FAMILY doesn't want to hear it or deal with it either, for the most part. Denial helps them cope, I think. Until recently, they seemed very happy and comfortable with not talking about it or dealing with it. And now I am starting to realize that is ok. My mom has taken my most current significant relapse to heart. She has been recently told that she is going blind and there is not much that can be done about it. Then I relapse. She was here for me 100%, but I hate to see her cry and drink to cope when I call her on the phone later. With this last relapse, because it was so significant and not new news that I have MS, I got to see that they do love and care and realize that I DO have MS, but I also got to see all the stress it can cause.

It took my family two years to come around, and it hurt A LOT! I am sure that things will slip back to the way it was very soon, denial seems to be a happy place for *them*. And that is ok because I know now that they are here when I need them the most.

Maybe your friend just needs some more time to process what is going on with you. She is also pregnant, so her hormones are out of whack to begin with along with a major life change for her as well. Trust me, I know we need those that are closest to us in times like these, maybe she just needs more time to deal with it on her own before she can be there for you fully. Maybe not, I don't know.
Sandy C.
Diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis September 2003 currently taking Aricept 10mg PO QD, Welbutrin XL 300mg PO QD, and Provigil 200mg PO BID.

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 366
   Posted 11/21/2006 7:10 PM (GMT -6)   
I lost my best friend of 8 years, a year ago, because of something she said about my son. I struggled with it for awhile. I did fine not having any friends that I could confide in, my hubby is really my strength.

Then I met this wonderful, sweet, caring and funny woman on HW. Her and I have built a friendship that is amazing and I call her often. The only thing I don't get is the face to face conversation and an actual hug when I need one. I am still thankful for the relationship we have built.

This is a powerful forum!! Do not underestimate its abilities to be there for you!

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 2146
   Posted 11/21/2006 7:20 PM (GMT -6)   

Awww ConfusedGal

I'm sorry. Yes, i've had friends like that. It could be that she's preg and so consumed with it that she can't focus on anything else. It could be that she simply has seen u as her rock all this time and can't see u any other way. Yes, there could be many reasons for her not being there for u. I've had friends in my past who've turned out to be not such good friends and unfortunately u only find that out when u'r in need of their friendship most. U can't decide that friends aren't worth the trouble tho or that no one is worth the trust u must place in them to become close to them. It's just a matter of taking a chance on each person. This illness is hard to explain to even ourselves. It's hard to see by even the closest of family/friends and when u 'look so good' it's hard for others to believe we aren't well and to feel we deserve the sympathy that listening sometimes evokes. Don't give up on u'r friend. She may have a lot of things going on that she hasn't confided in u yet. She may not know how to deal with and accept what u'r telling her. Illnesses are scary..to us and those who love us. Confide in those u feel u can...don't keep it all to u'rself. She may not be the one u can talk to for now tho. Yes, it hurts so much to see that those u thought u could count on aren't there for u, but there may be many things going on with her that u don't know right now and she may be keeping them from u for u'r welfare as well. I hope u'll be able to talk to others and have that close friendship u need now, even if it's not her at this time. There are times when friends have to go different ways. They'll usually meet back someplace later in time, but there are times when we all just have different life experiences that command different paths and that doesn't mean the friendship is less important or valuable...just maybe on hold for now.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 2135
   Posted 11/21/2006 8:23 PM (GMT -6)   

Yes. I've been rejected by friends AND family, including my own mother.  I just don't bother talking about it anymore.  YOu all here know more about ol' Uppity than any of my friends, do.

The world is made up of people who want everything to be perfect. And when then are confronted with not-perfect, they don't want to hear about it.  That, unfortunately, is just the way it is.

Confide here, tell us what's going on. We'll be blunt sometimes, and maybe even rude, but we're always willing to listen. At least most of the time..  eyes

...I am not a doctor, nor health professional, and don't pretend to be one, here.....

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 1852
   Posted 11/22/2006 8:30 AM (GMT -6)   
Unfortunately we've had that experience as well.  I don't really think its that they don't want to hear about it, it's more that they don't have anything to relate it to and don't really understand.  When my  mother was still with us, her and my husband would talk for hours.  She was very ill herself and they had this connection and could talk in great detail.  Most of the friends and family that call though, if they call, the conversation ends with "how are you doing?"  Even though there is no detailed conversation, most of them offer to help if needed and sometimes we do take them up on it :-)  
That's why this forum is so great, as there is a familiarity of what everyone is going through and it makes it that much easier to talk in great detail. 
Allow Healing Well to continue to help others, clink link for details

Motown John
Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 475
   Posted 12/2/2006 1:02 PM (GMT -6)   
Saturday p.m.
Hello:  I may be just very lucky.....my friends have become closer and more helpful to me since I was DX'ed 19 years ago....I cannot say that they can correctly define what MS is exactly, but they can see I am not doing so well...and they are more than generous in their offers of help..
And my immediate family...I don't know how (I could do it without them and my AMAZING wife...
Although crapped on by MS, blessed by such a support group....
Blessed I am...

tropical dreams
Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 76
   Posted 12/2/2006 3:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello: I too have lost a really good friend since being dx but I am lucky that my co-workers, which I struggled about telling and family are my greatest support support. It is true what they say, when something bad happens that is when you find out who your true friends are. I am truly sorry you lost your friend. We are here for you.
Dx 08/02/06 MS

New Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 12/8/2006 1:29 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi ConfusedGal. I am so sorry you are going through this. I'm sending you a virtual HUG now. :)

Unfortunately, I've had that experience as well. I've learned to accept that it comes with the territory. I've lost some friends--some I haven't heard from since I "confessed" to them about my condition, others stayed away but are now back--but I've also gained some new ones. I also got to know myself more since being "abandoned" by these old friends. I realized that I would hang out with them (and vice versa) for a certain reason, and it was not what I really needed or "healthy" for me. In the end, it was good for me to know that and move on. I realize that people do change (and that includes me!) and relationships change (it evolves or you grow apart) and it's okay.

I hope you are feeling better about this. :) Take care.

New Member

Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 12/15/2006 7:20 PM (GMT -6)   
 CONFUSED - That's a hard one. I have had a good friend consider me still 'active' and cannot accept the delibating nature of MS. If I was capable in the summer, so I should be now: that's her view. I am tired of having to defend my condition. It's here, it's now, it's getting worse. Rebif has a reason to become part of my life along with many symptons. I am what I am; if it's not acceptable, my energy shall be redirected elsewhere.
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