Yes, u can go about
living u'r life and experiencing strange and unusual things without realizing they are indeed strange and unusual. Consider a child of abuse, whether it be physical, mental or sexual. Do u think that child will realize they are abused? Prob not. It's the norm for THEM. Only when someone steps in and says something or does something to alter that lifestyle will they see that everyone else DOESN"T live that way. Well, if u have probs remembering things for a long time, then u just say u have a horrible memory. If u have probs
opening u'r mouth and getting out what u have in u'r mind, u assume something's not right with the brain. Quite honestly i felt that way for many years. I'm not a dumb person. I had a double major in college and have many, many professional accomplishments including being a member of Who's Who Among Executive Women. However; u can doubt u'rself to the point u believe that stuff was somehow a fluke and mistake. When i finished college i went to work right away. I was confident and eager and did very well, until i got tired. EVERY time i got tired i found myself being 'stupid'. Saying things that didn't make sense and when i'd try to correct them i only made it worse. As i sit and write, i recall having probs with my vision that my eye doc couldn't fix right up to the time of my presenting symptoms..the overt symptoms that eventually brought me here. I KNEW something wasn't right with my eye. I could see just fine almost all the time, but then and now, there are times that my eye is just blurry. No reason for that. Not only when i'm tired...so no pattern there.
Do u complain? No. First of all u don't have any good reason to complain. What do u tell everyone it is? It's almost as if u feel u must be able to diagnose u'rself before making it public. Otherwise there's no weight to it...wrong. Second, again, u feel it's normal. In my case, maybe not normal for everyone, but for those who are obvious dummys it's normal. No offense meant there...but i felt at one time, and for a long time, that i must be in that level with the dummys. How'd i do that? Do other dummys pass in school? Ok, tangent, sorry. My point is the same as everyone else's...we don't complain because we don't know to or because we just can't figure it out ourselves. When i see a doc i pretty much have already dx'd myself....i know what's wrong. This time i can't and whadda'ya know...they can't either. (Hummmm....do i need to hang my med degree???)
I know this post must sound really strange (see? not so dumb afterall...i saw that!) because who in the world would think ms symptoms would make u feel dumb? Well i never really had anything happen that would turn my head until last Feb. All my 'symptoms' were strange little oddities that wouldn't amount to anything. I have a place on my right foot that's been numb for years. I thought it was just a damaged nerve...and it very well may be. My eyes get blurry for no reason and then just clear up for no reason...prob fixed! Yes, Lisa, zingers...tho i hadn't realized that could be part of all this until reading u'r post. (hummmm...power of suggestion again??) Memory probs...i think...i don't really remember now. ;) Yes, Lysha, i've experienced the probs with my right arm giving out doing simple things. Yes, u think it's normal...just because it's normal for u. I guess i could go on, but u get the point. But for the sudden and full body consuming numbness (tho only in patches so i didn't get too concerned about
that for awhile) and the drunken walking, i wouldn't have acted to this day. It all may be attributed to something else or to ms. Who knows for now.
Yes, dvmtobe, it is a very strange feeling to hope for yet be afraid of a dx. We need to know what's wrong...obviously something IS wrong. I've had pretty much every test in the book. All normal or neg. Should i just forget this and move on with my life. Probably. I can't tho. Almost daily there is some reminder. It's always in the back of u'r mind, no matter if u'r enjoying time with u'r family or working in the yard or just doing nothing...it's there and it will be there until u find a dx. I'm sure once a dx is discovered it'll be ever more prevailing upon u. Now i've experienced many symptoms that i fear coming back. I wonder sometimes if the worry i have over them returning isn't part of why they do return. I'm sure it doesn't help. Consider how u'd feel...and many of u do feel...to find u'rself unable to stand up straight or to walk without going sideways because u'r experiencing that 'drunken' walk...and having u'r children look on. It breaks my heart because I'M suppsosed to be their stronghold. If i'm sick or if i'm out of control, what securtity do they have? Consider being afraid to drive with u'r children in the van with u..because u never know when u'r going to lose u'r balance and sense of placement. That's real fear. Yes, we all feel these things...but for each of us it's personal and more empowering over us. It's easy to say 'don't worry' or 'it'll be ok', but it's much harder to accept that in the drivers seat. How do u manage in limbo land for so long? What choice do u have? U deal with the day to day as it comes. That's it. Not easy, but doable. I guess the up side is that we're all here together to help each other. Now we can compare notes and KNOW we're not dummys or just complainers. We really do have something going on, tho what it is we don't know just yet.
Post Edited (rhondab) : 12/5/2006 6:34:55 AM (GMT-7)