I can relate to a lot of what you talk about
. Nearly every Dr I go to says that I have an eating disorder. After having a TC, which caused me to vomit because of my motility issues, I was accused of self-inflicting the vomit. I have never, nor do I have the desire, to make myself puke. UGHH, just thinking about
vomiting makes me feel sick. However, because I was very thin (before my ostomy), I was always accused of having an eating disorder. I used to make my husband come with me to the appts so he could validate that I was not making myself sick. The Drs never accused me of having an eating disorder in front of my husband which ticked me off even more. The last episode had really left me feeling bitter. I went into the hospital last Saturday because my heart rate was elevated, I was short of breath and having a hard time breathing and my stomach was severely distended to the point it was painful and hard as a rock. I called my Dr and she told me to get to the hospital asap. I was in the hospital for 4 days and they could not find the cause of the problem. Therefore, the problem must be in my head and they said I had an eating disorder. They called a psychiatrist to come speak to me. I was livid. Like you, I have a psy degree and I felt very insulted. I agree that I like being fit and I did not want to gain weigt with an ostomy. I teach fitness classes and I like wearing my clothes, I like exposing my abs when I workout, I like the complements people make on my body. I have gained about
5 pounds since the surgery and I am trying to feel ok with that. I cannot wear anything that exposes my belly at the gym and I am fine with that. I have to be careful when I teach at the gym because when I reach my arms high in the air to stretch with my class, my bag will show. OK, so I have some vanity issues..I can admit that. However, I do not want to take medication for this. Everyone in the world stuggles with some sort of dysfunction and this one is mine. It does not mean that I go without food or make myself vomit it just means I work very hard to eat healthy and workout to stay fit.
Here is why I am glad I had the surgey, for the first time in nearly a decade I ate a full meal with my family during Christmas dinner. That was great! That made it worth having the ileostomy.
Carebear, you have to learn to let your body image go. You are not going to get fat with an ileostomy. You are going to get healthy. Don't deprive yourself of health just because you might gain 5 pounds or so. If you do that, you might having some type of imagine complex that may require you to seek professional help. I hope you have the surgery. This forum is here to help you get through these tough times and we will be here after your surgery to support you.
I have my photos up at photobucket.com. You can look there and see what I look like 3 weeks out of surgery with my extra 5 pounds. I bet you no body can tell that I gained weight but me. So, now it is our little secret...ha, ha, ha.
Revised Coletomy/ Reset Anastimosis 2006
Revised Colectomy/ Obstructions 2005
Sub-total Colectomy 2001
Prov. 16: 20 Whoso trusteth in the Lord, happy is he.
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