yeah ash, i felt the same way, my moms out of work helping me right now. and she works for the gov't so she doesnt get paid for this time off. This has been my life since fourteen! my mom having to sacrifice to take care of me, and make choices that the rest of my family doesnt understand, so they judge her, and it makes me so angry! that its my fault that people treat her like they do, or that she's not doing as well as she could be. So talk about guilt and I can totally relate.
IF you decide to talk to someone else, a therapist, just remember that u dont have to feel guilty bc number 1 they get paid to listen lol its their job. Secondly, they can give you an objective opinion. they'r neutral, no real gain from sympathizing with you or not. Bc i understand hating for people to feel bad for you. like ur incompetant, u get tired of people looking at you like "poor ash" , "she's been through so much", "bless her heart", even if it all is true. U dont want to feel like a liability or a kook.
Just think about it, like you said, its physically hard to get all the feelings out verbally, that mayb what you need.
about the ambien, when i couldnt sleep from getting out of the hospital, i got ativan. But like i said, i try to avoid mood altering drugs, so i was fighting taking it. But i eventually had to admit that my own methods werent working, and feeling horrible emotionally is ten times worse when u feel horrible physically from sleep deprivation. You can't think straight, you get distracted easily, make stupid mistakes, and get really irritable. So what i did was cut the pill in half that they gave me, it helped for a little while, and then i just stopped taking it, i havent needed it since and that was months ago.
Don't be embarrassed. You are ENTITLED to feel ok, and to be happy (or as close to it as possible in this life). Stop punishing yourself, I know thats what I did. But nobody who loves you thinks n e of this is your fault. You don't deserve to feel like that.
25 y/o female- crohns disease since 14
Ileostomy pending-very worried
Tried asacol,pentasa,prednisone,remicade,6mp,azasan, no avail
Worst year ever!
"For God has not given us the spirit of fear....."
Where does mine come from?!
Temp Ileostomy performed 1/29/08
Healingwell.com has been my Godsend...Thank you