Hi Bennie. I had surgery when I was 16. (I am now 55). So my perspective is based on nearly 40 years of experience.
Being a teenager can really suck, but being a sick teenager and missing school and unable to focus much except on your disease (and its impact) is much, much worse. I remember adjusting very quickly - my family didn't make having the surgery into some major catastrophe and I was so darn glad to finally be able to have my life back that wearing a pouch was no big deal. I don't know your daughter, can't say how she'll adjust, but she'll probably be alert
for cues from you and close friends/family. There are many great resources available now and there are better pouching systems now than when were available in the 60's.
Recovery from surgery depends on the individual but being younger helps. Not having a diseased colon makes a huge difference once you have healed and learned to manage the ostomy or j pouch. I have a permanent ileostomy as a result of UC (that was the only option then).
Will she have kids? Can't say if she will, but I have 2. I was an older mom because my husband and I were having too much fun to have kids
Dating and romance...sure! I have never perceived being an ostomate as being a big tragedy or handicapping in any way. I have never used it to gain pity or special favors (lived in a dorm with roommates! ) Never thought I couldn't try something because of an ostomy (backpacked, skied, scuba) Rather, it's allowed me to do whatever I want. Managing an ostomy has become very automatic for me. Its also made me a good problem solver and able to adapt to new situations.
Dating and romance has a lot to do with trust (in my opinion). You can't have a good relationship without good communication, respect and trust. Having an ostomy made no difference in establishing friendships ...but in retrospect I was more discriminating and cautious when it came to deeper relationships. As the mother of a 20 year old daughter I now see that as a good thing
Its great that you are seeking information. Let her know what resources are available and how to access them (don't nag) and encourage her to be independent (while providing the support she'll need when things are difficult). Its hard to parent a teenager - and it can be difficult for parents to adjust when the kid who has been so desperately ill is finally well -and you need to learn new parenting skills. My parents never could adjust and to this day my 85 year old mother still sees me as being sick and dependent. I understand why and accept that that is their perception even though it is not the reality.
This is not to say that life hasn't been rocky, that having an ileostomy has never been embarrassing or problematic. At at the time I had a problem I know I felt anger or frustration at the situation. I know I felt at times that life was unfair and I had resentment and anger. But now having the luxury of being able to look back 40 years (and to look forward towards many many more years) I wouldn't change what I went through because I like who I am now. And if I hadn't had the surgery I would be someone very different, if I was even alive.
I know that people with ostomies may have different problems. But not everyone does. I really haven't had any issues and I am very healthy.
Best wishes to you and to your daughter. If she has the surgery, it may offer her something that having chronic UC doesn't provide: hope that life will get better. Help her to accept and to appreciate her choice to improve her quality of life. Let her know it can be the beginning of everything.
UC diagnosed 1964