I've had my ileostomy due to UC since I was 10 years old - I'm 41 now :) My surgery was due to dysplasia too (and the fact that all my meds were delaying puberty).
How will she adjust as a teenager?
That's hard to say because everyone's different. Whether she looks upon surgery as being a positive in her life is up to her. I would say that probably right now she's probably unable to go out a lot with friends etc and after surgery, that will change for her as she won't be sick all the time and have to look for the nearest loo, so that will be a positive change for her. Don't treat her like an invalid after surgery, let her change her own bag (I was doing it at 10 years of age by myself so it's not that hard :) ), and don't let her bag control her or your life - she controls it!
I will say that my parents' biggest worry was that one day I would turn around and say to them 'why did you let them do this to me?'. I never have - I've never regretted having my ostomy surgery - it gave me my life back!
Will she be able to have kids?
I know many ostomates who have gotten married and had kids. An ostomy for stool (ie ileostomy and colostomy), will not stop someone from having kids since we don't use those organs for childbearing anyway, although the disease that caused the ostomy in the first place might.
What's it like starting to date going through this?
I've only ever had one guy reject me cos of my ostomy - but that was his loss. Most guys are just glad that their partner is alive and well and able to be with them. Sure, it can be stressful telling them about
it, but mostly, the worry is more on the part of the ostomate wondering how someone will accept it - most people accept it just fine. Most times I tell the guy, they are usually amazed at first that they couldn't tell then I let them ask questions and answer the questions as honestly as I can. The questions are usually along the lines of 'do I have to be careful, can I hurt it?', or 'does it stop you from doing anything?' etc (the answer to both these questions is 'no' by the way :)
Nowhere in personal ads have I ever seen 'must be tidy, non-smoker and poop via rectum and anus'. How you poop is simply not a criteria most people base a relationship on - and if they do, then I'm sure your daughter won't want someone that shallow anyway.
How long will she be recovering (she is a junior in high school)? She missed almost 9 weeks of school the last 2 times she flared. What will it be like if she has surgery?
Usually people are able to go back to work/school 6 - 8 weeks after surgery. The younger you are, the quicker you heal generally - I was back swimming in our pool 4 weeks after my surgery.
With UC, she has the option of either having:
a) A permanent ileostomy where she will need to wear a bag full time.
b) J Pouch surgery (usually entailing 2 or 3 ops, sometimes it can be done in one step though but it's not the norm). It's a surgery where she will eventually end up not having to wear a bag, the pouch is internal made from her ileum and she poops via her anus. She will need to wear a bag after steps 1 and 2 though.
c) Kock's Pouch or BCIR (Barnett's Continent Internal Reservoir). This is where she has a tiny stoma (doesn't need to wear a bag) and just catheterises it every so often. The BIG drawback of the BCIR esp is that it's only done in certain hospitals and if anything needs revising, etc she will have to travel back to that hospital since local doctors won't touch it.
Hope this helps :)
I have had an ileostomy for 32 years now due to UC.
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I'm not a complete idiot - some parts of me are missing!