KAP, I'm sorry you've been feeling sick this weekend. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
I've been married 10 years and also chose not to have children, because of my illness. My husband has been very supportive and is so happy that I'm healthy again, which has really helped me accept having an ostomy.
You had great questions! To answer them, an ostomy does not hurt, and they make wafers for people with sensitive skin. The bags don't make any noise, but sometimes my stoma will sputter a little first thing in the morning while I'm sipping my coffee, but I'm the only one who hears it.
There is absolutely no odor, except when you empty the bag, but that can be avoided by putting a capful of hydrogen peroxide into the bag when it's empty. If you do that, then there's no odor when you empty.
I empty it every time I go to the bathroom to pee, which is about 5 or 6 times a day. The bags have velcro closures on them, so all you do is sit on the toilet, un-velcro the opening, let it empty into the toilet, wipe off the end, and re-velcro it. It's that easy!
I change my wafer once a week, and it only takes a minute to cut a hole in it and stick it on. The bag then clips onto the wafer. The bags have a cloth, flesh colored covering, so you can't see the contents. I sometimes wear a mini bag, which is good for intimate times with hubby.
Irrigation is for people with colostomies (I have an ileostomy). From what I understand, they can give themselves an enema, empty the contents of their bowel, and not have to wear a bag.
Hope that helps!
Dx'd Crohn's in '99 at 28. Proctocolectomy and ileostomy in '06.
Small Bowel Obstruction Surgery in '08, caused by adhesions.
Disease-free, medicine-free, and very thankful to be healthy again :)