hmmm, weird surgery side effect

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 6/15/2008 11:25 PM (GMT -6)   
so i think that having the surgery has caused me to have a weird side effect
i was sick for 8 years from age 21 to 29, and of course after my surgery i felt pretty crappy too.  However now that i feel good i have developed a mid life crisis i think!  i want to go do lots and lots of fun things, and i am not happy being all boring like i used to be anymore.  i dont know what to do though, because i am married and i have a son, who i love my little boy more than anything in the world, but now that i am well i want to do non mommy things sometimes, and when i do , i feel so guilty.  Like friday i went out with some friends to dinner and a sports bar.  Let me make it very clear that my son was with my grandma, spendign the night, not with a baby sitter or anything like that.  Just so people know that i wasn't like abandoing him or anything.
I think this is a side effect from surgery because if i hadn't had surgeyr i wouldn't be feelign good enough to wnat to do fun things!
anybody had this happen?  and is it awful for me to feel this way?

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 2765
   Posted 6/16/2008 4:53 AM (GMT -6)   
You shouldn't feel guilty at all. You're young and healthy, work hard, are a great mom, and should take some time to have fun with your husband or friends! :-)

My 25 year old stepdaughter is going to have a baby in December, and I've already told her that her dad and I will be available to watch the baby anytime she wants to go out with her husband, friends, or alone, just to get a break from 24/7 mommy duty.

I never had children, but I see how much work it is by watching my sister, who has two young ones. She used to feel guilty, too, about going out without the kids, but I think she has realized that it's important to have a balance, so she doesn't feel like she never takes any time for herself. A happy mommy is a better mommy!

Plus, it's important for your son and his grandparents to spend time together without you around. I cherish the memories I have of the times I spent with my grandparents, while my parents were out of town, out to dinner, or whatever.

smurf Cecilia

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 552
   Posted 6/16/2008 6:20 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm glad you are healthy enough to feel this way. I think most moms, whether they have been ill or not, feel this way at some point. How old is your son? Being mommy, being "on" 24/7, can be very tiring. It takes away your identity. Don't misunderstand me...I love being a mom. It was the only profession I ever wanted all my life! But it is very easy to lose yourself. It is very important to keep friendships. As long as you have the support of your husband and family, enjoy the occassional night out. 

--Mom of bratcat (17 years old)--
Daughter bratcat was diagnosed with pancolitis October 2006
Current meds:
Asacol - 4 pills/3Xday, 15 mg prednisone, Remicade
11/14/06 - started prednisone; 1/28/07 - finished prednisone!
3/3/07 - began to taper off hydrocortisone sloowwly! Summer 2007 - slowly began tapering Rowasa. 9/07 -- flaring? Nightly Rowasa. 9/21/07 -- added hydrocortisone enemas. 9/30/07--added prednisone. 10/31--started 6-mp, stopped the enemas. Started lowering prednisone. 3/08-another flare!

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 159
   Posted 6/16/2008 7:52 PM (GMT -6)   
what was wrong with you in the first place and what surgery did you have. do you have a bag , j pouch or what is your story........ just curious becuase i want to feel like that...i wnat to want to get out and have fun life again.......................

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 6/16/2008 8:37 PM (GMT -6)   
i had UC from 1999 to 2007 (i love to say "had") i was 21 when i got it, and 29 when i got rid of it! i have a perm ileo.
I got sick in may of 99, but it wasnt' too awful bad until may of 2000 i got a case of food poisioning that sent me off the deep end for a while, noone knew i had UC yet, and i got over that, and kept going, still having stomach problems. I got married in march 2001, and in may of 2001 i was in the hosptial for a week, diagnosed with UC. After that i spent the next 6 years in and out of flares, a few more trips to the hospital, too tired to do anything most of the time, and when i would finally get feeling well, and start working i would get sick shortly after. So i had a son in 2005 and while i was pregnant i was in complete remission, and then right after my son was born i went back into a flare and it never went away, and i got tired of being tired and tired of not being able to play with my son or do anything. So i siad, take this thing out! and they did, and that was that.
I wasn't expecting to feel as good as i do now, and i wasn't expectign to feel guilty for feelign good and wanting to do things though, lol.
mommyphotographer-i hope you can feel that way again soon, the surgery was so worth it. the bag can be a little annoying at times, but no where near as bad as being sick all the time!

vette guy
Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 650
   Posted 6/16/2008 11:59 PM (GMT -6)   
One of the first things I did after I recovered from my surgery was go hot air ballooning. I also went on a glider airplane . I'm sure you've seen them. They're motorless planes that are towed by a regular plane and then released. And then you just glide for about an hour or so. These were certainly not the kind of things I could even consider when my Crohn's was flairing up before my surgery.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 518
   Posted 6/17/2008 11:26 AM (GMT -6)   
Isn't it weird after being sick for so long to suddenly feel this urgent need to experience life and don't know where to begin?!?! I was diagnosed when I was 15 and didn't have the 'big surgery' until right before my 30th b-day. My husband has only known me as a tired and perpetually ill person. Our relationship has had to endure some adjustments b/c I just can't stand to stay home anymore and he can't figure out what to do with me. My kid is definitely benefiting from my surgery b/c now we can go places together and I can watch her when she participates in her activities, etc. I still don't think I'm living as "full" as I want to but now that I feel good, Wed. I am going to register for school since I was always to sick to go to college. It's still surreal at times to know I can do something and I am not limited by my body.

Equestrian Mom
Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 3115
   Posted 6/17/2008 1:24 PM (GMT -6)   

Don't feel guilty!  I know exactly what you are feeling because I have felt the same way.  My poor daughter spent many years (4-10) making her lunch/dinner, if her daddy was working, because all I could do was lay on the couch!  Now, I am making up for lost time, going out with my husband, travelling (we fly to NV tonight to see the Grand Canyon), taking her anywhere she wants to go (pool, movies, mall) and most importantly for her... to horseshows!  She also spent alot of time with her grandparents when I was sick...and I am forever thankful that they took the opportunity because now that some of them are gone she has GREAT memories.

We experience emotions not many people is difficult to have to live with such illnesses and then to have to make the decision to have our colons removed...I like to think it has only made me stronger and your feeling of guilt will soon change, too.  Good Luck!


Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 6/17/2008 6:49 PM (GMT -6)   
thanks everyone!
i am glad that other people have felt the same way, it makes it easier to deal with stuff when you know other people have been there!
justjen-what you said about trying to experince life is exactly what i am feeling, i just can't seem to find enough things to do now!

(i hope that in some weird way, this post shows people who are contemplating surgery, how much better life is now, even if i did get guilt as a side effect!)
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