I have been through a few different bouts of sever depression since being dx'ed with Crohn's in 03. After talking to a really good counsellor I realized a lot of it was related to grief and acknowldeging that my life would never be the same.
I am still grieving the loss of the life I once had, and trying to figure out who I am. I do not want my identity to be attached to my disease or the bag of crap hanging from the side of my belly. I had been sick for so long though that its been hard to figure out exactly who I am now - and who I want to be.
I dont like my parents or friends to worry so I spend a lot of time acting happy and brave and strong - but I am lucky to have 2 very good friends who I can be lonely and sad and depressed with.
As for relationships - I dont blame you for not wanting to put yourself out there... I have been of the opinin that I am 'damaged goods' and as much as I knew I was a good person, I didnt think anybody would ever see past my bag.
I am 31 and when i found out i needed the surgery - it seemed like a death sentence.
I am lucky in the sense that it is temporary - and I am not sure how I would cope if it wasnt.
I did meet someone though - I certainly was not looking - it just happened.
I was soooo stressed about
him hugging me after our first date and about
how I would tell him - but it just worked out and he does not care at all about
I am not sure if reading all of our stories will make you feel better, but keep in mind you are not alone.
If your depression ever gets bad enough that you feel like hurting yourself - please let someone know. I am sure you have fought very hard over the years because of your colitis - and you cant let it win.
Dx/ed October 2003,
April 2004 - Surgery - 2ft of small bowel removed
Feb 2007 - Surgery again and a temporary ileostomy
Present - on Remicade waiting for surgery to reverse the ileostomy - Health Care System in Canada sucks - wait list is 6+ months.