Did anybody's husbend cheat on them when they had gotton sick and needed to have their colon removed

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

New Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 8/15/2008 9:07 PM (GMT -6)   
cry  Well I am in the mood tonight to talk, I feel so bottled up that I guess I will tell something very personal about myself. I have been married for 5 years, I was diagnosed with uc when I got pregant with my 1st daughter. It was very difficult as I was only 22. My husbend really didn't understand what was going on and then things seemed to be ok. My daughter was born a premee and needed alot of my attention. My whole focus was on her and that put a hold on my health which I know if you don't take care of yourself then you can't take care of others. But I did. I wond up in the hospital with my first really bad flare. Two weeks I was away from my baby and my parents took her so my husbend could work. Then it took 2 months for me to recover, Then my life started to be great, THen we wanted another baby and it took a serious toll on me and my family as I was on bedrest for the last two months, 4 weeks after my healthy baby girl was born I wond up in the hospital for 30 days due to my last flare, As I was recovering from this my husbend started a affair at work with an employee, and I never even knew it as he brought home his paycheck of 40 hours so I never could figure where he had the time. By Christmas my GI doc said my colon needed to come out and I gladly said Yes just so I would never have to take pills. 2 days before christmas i found a cell phone in my husbends car. We don't have one and it was his boss at work who bought it for him, I question him and he said yes he had an affair as he was weak, and as I couldn't pay attention to him and she did he went with it.. This was a very hard time as I have two beautiful daughters and 2 days before christmas. What to do? So I said I was hurt and he could stay but he could not go on the computer and he would have to prove I could trust him. January 8th I had my colon removed and my husbend was very supportive and really great with the kids and helping me. It took me time to get over my stoma and my bag. But now that I have been med free and happy I get an email from this women saying how could I stay'd with him when he loves her and he is only staying with my as I got a disabilty settlement. THat hurt when I thought I was moving on, now my surgeon wants to do a reversal and i'm not sure that is best, Did anyone have any trouble with their spouse as you where sick and having to deal with everything?????/ Thanks for letting me vent. Just trying to heal a very bruised heart,,,

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 5698
   Posted 8/15/2008 9:46 PM (GMT -6)   

Sheesh, that's bad.  Nothing like kicking you when you are down.  Have you thought about counseling, both individual and together?  No matter what you decide, you need to concentrate on your recovery.  You can postpone your reversal for as long as you like.


dx proctitis in 1987
dx UC in 1991, was stable until 1998

1998 started prednisone, asacol, pentasa, nortriptylene, ativan, 6MP, rowasa enemas and suppositories, hydrocortisone enemas, tried the SCD diet, being a vegetarian, omega 3s, flax, pranic healing, yoga, acupuncture, probiotics

2000 lost all my B-12 stores and became anemic

2001 opted for j-pouch surgery- now living life med-free

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 79
   Posted 8/16/2008 12:14 AM (GMT -6)   
Wow partygirl,
thanks for sharing with us - I hope that you are able to take the time to heal and to spend the time with your daughters. It sounds like you did the right thing by trying to trust him and make your relationship work and I cant imagine how awful it must have been to get an email with such a hurtful message.
I dont have any stories like this to share - I have been very lucky to find a man who loves me and my stoma... even if it means I am not as active as I would like to be.
I wish you the best!
Dx/ed October 2003,
April 2004 - Surgery - 2ft of small bowel removed
Feb 2007 - Surgery again and a temporary ileostomy
Present - on Remicade waiting for surgery to reverse the ileostomy - Health Care System in Canada sucks - wait list is 6 12+ months.

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 385
   Posted 8/16/2008 12:29 AM (GMT -6)   
Gosh hon...I really don't know what to say. I'm sorry doesn't seem like enough. Wish I could give you a big hug. So it sounds like you wanted to try working things out (I believe everybody deserves a second chance) and he said yes. But recently you received an email from the other person, so apparently either he hasn't ended things or she's trying to stir up trouble. I'd sit his behind down and ask him point blank what he wants. As Suebear mentioned, counseling would be a great thing if he is willing to give it a try. Keep your chin up and take care of yourself.

Breast Cancer at 37; bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction.
Colon resection 2004; Sub-Total colectomy September 2007 for colonic inertia - didn't work.
Son with UC; taking Asacol and 6MP with Prednisone and Rowasa added during flareups. Recently diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis - now on Humira. Canasa now added due to UP.
Husband with ankylosing spondylitis and psoriatic arthritis.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 26
   Posted 8/17/2008 1:41 PM (GMT -6)   
<I question him and he said yes he had an affair as he was weak, and as I couldn't pay attention to him and she did he went with it.>

Well, it's clear this is all your fault. You shouldn't have deliberately gotten UC nor given birth to HIS children or paid attention to their needs. Yup, if not for that, he'd never have strayed. nono Honestly, what were you thinking?

Moi is just being sarcastic, dawlin. I so feel your pain. He sounds like he has some growing up to do. It can't come soon enough. Do not let him shift the blame onto you. You've done nothing wrong.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 6571
   Posted 8/17/2008 5:07 PM (GMT -6)   
i am sorry that you went through that, it is really hard to not put theblame on yourself though, isn't it? i am always apoligizing for ruining everyones lives for 8 years. And really i know that they didnt' feel that way, although my husband does say it was hard on him, whether he had an affair on me, i dont' really know, and dont' really care. I always tell him he needs to get a girlfriend! and actually i do mean it.
your husband should not have done that though, esp at the time he chose to do that. I hate when people say, "i was weak" as an excuse. I am willing to bet that this woman did not hold your husband down, and that he was a willing participant. It is so cowardly to say that, just admit you did it, so you can begin to make up for what you did.
i hope you guys get everything worked out

New Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 8/17/2008 8:30 PM (GMT -6)   
JUst wanted to thank everyone for their support!! I had to get off the computer the other night!! you guys are the best!

vette guy
Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 650
   Posted 8/17/2008 11:27 PM (GMT -6)   
Ostomy or not, I'm sorry to say that I think your husband is a tool! The moderators here would ban me if I said what I REALLY wanted to say!

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 185
   Posted 8/18/2008 9:55 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm sorry to hear about your husband partygirl. Mine never did that, but if he did that would be grounds for divorce. I told him when we got married if he ever cheated on me I would not take him back and it would be an immediate divorce. I don't play those games. nono
Control is an illusion. The only control we have is our response to people and situations. - Kim Martin

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 30
   Posted 8/19/2008 2:53 PM (GMT -6)   

hi partygirl

i went through near enough the same thing as you when i got sick. i have been with me boyf six years this year. we are not married or anything but have been together since we were teenagers.

i must admit i was being a total b***h with him most of the time but that is no excuse. i was sick and depressed and just needed support which he did kinda give me, he stuck be me through it all but i didnt realise he was text messaging another woman behind my back. i can usually tell when something is happening and when he started hiding his phone from me i got suspicious. i found text messages from this other woman on his phone calling him babe and so obviously flirting with him. i told him it was over and that i couldnt trust him but we decided to give it another try. although it took me a while to trust him again. i was so paranoid whenever he went out or anywhere basically. he aways told me that nothing ever happened between them and it was just friendly but i knew better.

not only was he doing this but it was with someone i knew and who i couldnt stand! she knew we were together, always has. i also know what king of gal she was so i knew it wasnt just friendly on her part.i just had to learn to trust him again but its not easy as you probably know.well thats my story thought you might like to know your not alone. :-)

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 303
   Posted 8/20/2008 10:45 AM (GMT -6)   
Me! I admire your gutsy attitude. That's the way to tell 'em.
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Wednesday, September 19, 2018 11:24 AM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 3,004,664 posts in 329,161 threads.
View Active Threads

Who's Online
This forum has 161747 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Daf.
209 Guest(s), 11 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
SoMuchFun, Deep_sleep, clocknut, PeterDisAbelard., BillyBob@388, Lynnwood, InTheShop, RunJerRun, F8, straydog, iPoop