Having the surgery as an emergency as your dad has done must come as a big shock to him. I hope he has a stoma nurse to help him through this. If not, see if the hospital can refer him to one. They're invaluable for a new ostomate.
his stoma is in the wrong place and the bag keeps coming off
Whereabouts is his stoma located?
He is also having trouble with it smelling. It doesn't smell nearly as much as he thinks it does, but it does smell when he empties it, which makes him really upset - he refuses to go any where (ie on holiday) as he feels that everyone is staring etc, and feels that everyone can smell him.
There are deodorisers made esp for ostomates to combat this problem. Ask at his ostomy supply store for some samples. Also, striking a match in the loo will get rid of odours. Remind him too, that 'bowel intact' people stink up the loo as well, so he's not alone by any means :D
If anyone can give me any help about what he (or I) can do, i'd be greatful - anything; help with making him feel better, ideas to keep the bag on, tips to reduce the smell, anything at all
Have a look at http://www.ostomates.org/leaks.html There's some tips there for stopping leakages.
Pin Cushion's advice on contacting a local support group is a great one. Often, they have what's called 'ostomy visitors' who will visit a new ostomate in their home and reassure them that life can go on with an ostomy. Let us know whereabouts he lives and I'll see if I can put you in touch with one near you.
Good luck and keep posting :)
I'm not a complete idiot - some parts are missing!
Ileostomy for 27 years since I was 10 years old, due to UC.