Ok, first, do not feel guilty about not working! you have been very sick and have just had a MAJOR surgery, it's ok to let your husband take care of you! Different people do this differently, and there is nothing wrong with either way, but here we look at it as our money (i am a stay at home Mom now, but before i had my son i worked) and if one person has to pull the weight for a while, that's what marriage is about. Anyway, its good for you that you have a RN for a husband, my husband is a nurse too, and that was helpful at first!
As for the leakage, when you put the wafer on, use the hair dryer on it for a minute or so, that will help it stick better. If you are still using the skin prep, that can keep you from getting as good of a seal.
At night, i sleep on a waterproof pad that i sewed a sheet on top of, so it feels like the bed, and if i have a leak, i can just change my clothes and the pad, not the whole bed! really, it's more of a security measure, but it makes me sleep better.
As for your hair, it will quit falling out, i promise, it will just take a while, i went through that four times, each time i thought i was going bald, i even bought a wig! But it did quit falling out, and about six months after surgery it started coming back in, and it's getting thicker, i still only have about 2/3 of the hair i had before, but it's getting better!
What wafer and stuff are you using? we may be able to help you better with the leakage if you tell us how you change and all.