I would suggest not betraying your wife's trust by telling her parents until you have exhausted all options. It sounds so much like she is suffering from depression. Can you suggest to her to talk to her doctor and get some anti-depressants. Many ostomates have gone through what she is going through (it is completely normal after surgery such as this) and found the anti-depressants do really work.
If she refuses, then I'd bring the parents into the picture and maybe they can persuade her.
I have had an ileostomy for 32 years now due to UC.
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